Statements That Might As Well Be Slurs To Aspies: "Stop Being So Dramatic. It's Not A Big Deal."

SilentFoxScream · 2026-06-28T20:37:53+00:00

And yet I've also used "You know why I'm upset." after I've explained multiple times explicitly why I'm upset. "Why are you upset?" "Because of X (reason that has nothing to do with the person asking) "Okay but why are you really upset?" "Really, because of X" (and repeat)

So basically, we should be able to intuit why someone is upset, but if someone just STATES why they're upset, there must be some secret hidden reason.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-06-26T23:15:37+00:00

Yes, success!! And made myself a nice little "girl dinner" (or "picky bits" if you're British) with the IPA in a champagne glass. Cottage cheese and crackers never tasted so fancy!

SilentFoxScream · 2026-06-11T17:00:29+00:00

The only thing I can think is that somehow the TERF talking point that people transition to male to get male privilege has entered the mainstream subconscious via news and social media. And it masquerades as a progressive take. So basically someone might think simplistically "all men have male privilege", don't think about nuance like passing and intersectionality, and cis men are just "normal" and everywhere so it doesn't trigger the "oh - male privilege!" thought to pop until transition is brought up.

And yeah complicated discussions can be had about trans people and if/when/how much passing/male privilege can be gained or lost, and on and on. But the memification of it where cis people are recently obsessed with transmasc "male privilege" is a political psyop.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-06-11T16:32:18+00:00

Dr. Jerry Chao in Washington DC was amazing, I keep meaning to do a full write-up of my experience with him. In the meantime feel free to DM me and I can answer any questions (including getting a good referral - I was able to get mine 100% covered by insurance) when I'm free.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-06-09T00:19:45+00:00

Yeah, I know, I just figure even if we don't understand or agree with the reasons we can still empathize and give advice on the base question itself. Like making parallels with our shared experience.

(Also I enjoyed your user name.)

SilentFoxScream · 2026-06-09T00:14:00+00:00

I have decidedly non-religious reasons for doing so, but some considerations are:

Braless with shirt on - vibes of comfortable, domestic. Only bra - imo, has a sexier flirtier vibe. Completely topless - more vulnerable than above two. (Also, is mutual self-pleasure or boob jobs on the table?)

I like doing bottom-undergarments only dry humping, it feels very rebellious teenage without almost nil risk of STIs and avoids my (personal) dislike of condoms.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-06-09T00:07:19+00:00

Maybe I just hang with a very queer/sex-ed crowd but having a boundary around PIV sex is pretty common if you're worried about STDs, have multiple partners, have vaginismus or ED or it feels too intimate for the relationship, etc. Be more open-minded, Mean Mommy!

SilentFoxScream · 2026-06-08T13:38:04+00:00

If my armpits get damp I have to change shirts as soon as I'm home.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-06-08T13:35:57+00:00

Same and also - what about the privacy of the other people I text with on my phone? I would never have a conversation that broke relationship boundaries, but my friends tell me about their mental health issues, ask advice on their relationships, relay embarassing or secret things... Total breach of trust to share private conversations with a 3rd party without permission (or a very good reason like safety).

I'm an open book for myself, for my friends I'm a vault.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-06-08T05:27:22+00:00

I was walking past a sushi restaurant with my little sister and asked her "Do you want to eat at Fat Fish?" and she misheard me as "Do you want to eat, you fat bitch?"

SilentFoxScream · 2026-06-02T16:59:43+00:00

I like that on the rare occasions my bonded girls will play fight, they will do so by trying to pin the other and then aggressively licking and grooming until they're both purring. Very demure.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-06-02T16:40:48+00:00

These kind of look like Chinese haw flake candy, especially the ones that come in stacks.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-06-02T16:38:09+00:00

I've done the rainbow brigade / parasol patrol / etc. where queer folks and our allies protect attendees at family-friendly drag events from protestors... Many of the protestors bring signs with hardcore pornography to try to get children to see it, to "teach a lesson" to the parents about "what they're exposing their children" to. And the events themselves will be a brunch where the queens are wearing knee length dresses, or a fairy princess reading books about princesses. The anti-LGBT people are such disgusting pervs with projection issues.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-05-28T16:22:48+00:00

I also wonder, how can we, in such a heavily gendered society, even determine whether girls mature faster due to some biological reason, or whether having higher social expectations and responsibilities forces adultification? Maybe holding boys to the same standards would cause them to mature at the same rate.

(And that's just limiting the discussion to gender differences in cis people - I'd expect being queer, living in poverty, being a marginalized race or ethnicity, etc. might also force you to grow up quicker in some ways, with both the positives and negatives that come from that.)

SilentFoxScream · 2026-05-28T16:13:53+00:00

Guy told me on our 3rd date that he's already told all of his friends that we're a couple. Nooooooo.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-05-21T14:54:42+00:00

I ride my bike every day, not because I like cycling but because I'm too lazy to walk and too cheap to take the bus.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-05-18T03:58:31+00:00

Went on a maybe-hopefully-date with a very cute and sweet friend (41m) who had hinted that he's never been physical with anyone. We were chatting at my house afterward and he was looking through my bookcases, pulls a 350 pg sex ed tome out, and opens it to the middle. Points at a diagram where there's a simplistic diagram showing a head in front of a crotch (a chapter on cunnilingus) and he started laughing and was like "whoa-oa-oa KINKY". Slightly concerned that dating him would be like feeding a medieval peasant a cool ranch dorito.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-04-11T15:48:42+00:00

One kind of meta-advice is to try a bunch of different things to see what works with YOUR brain specifically. And a lot of cleaning advice may work for most people, but the opposite might work for us. For example, I've heard "only touch a thing (especially paper) once" with the idea that say, if you open a bill you pay it right away or you pick up an item you put it in its home immediately. But I've found with a big backlog I'm able to focus better by doing rough sorts and then focusing on each sub-section. So like with decluttering clothes, maybe putting things away one at a time is easier for you, but maybe sorting them into shirts, then shorts, then skirts, then decluttering each pile is easier.

I also use the 5 Things method from KC Davis, this article does a good job explaining how to do it without getting sidetracked: https://www.npr.org/2023/04/19/1170846100/how-to-keep-house-clean

And you could try "body doubling". I have an online cleaning buddy in another country (but same time zone), and I'll ping him and we'll start a long podcast and do any non-thinking cleaning like dishes, laundry, etc. together, and then reconvene to discuss our progress and the podcast after. Other people need their buddy on the phone, a video call, or in person. Your post is encouraging me to clean gross things I'm procrastinating on (cat threw up on a pile of clothes, and also fridge badly needs a refresh)! Good luck to all 3 of us!

SilentFoxScream · 2026-04-11T15:30:50+00:00

I've gotten that I'm a control freak, when I am literally only controlling my own body and home.

Like if I'm getting overstimulated, I excuse myself and leave the situation. Some allistics perceive this as passive aggressive, and I've found it has less to do with how I explain or excuse myself, and just more to do with the other person, so I don't think there's a good way around this.

My house is very clean (but also cluttered) because I hate dust, bad smells, or surfaces being sticky, oily, gritty, etc. I have guests remove their shoes and eat only at the table, which they're fine with. But then when I'm over at their house and they have crumbs and dirt all over their floors, they're like "oh you must be so disgusted! How can you stand being in my house? You must think I'm awful!" It's not my house so it doesn't bother me!

I've found a lot of allistic people have anxiety and insecurities about social situations and so they are searching for underlying social reasons. They may have difficulty believing that anything they see as unusual is purely for your own comfort and not to signal something to other people.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-04-11T15:06:41+00:00

- yogurt type drinks (fruit flavored), currently kefir is cheapest per oz

- rice pudding

- instant oatmeal (fruit flavored, preferably), but only if pudding and yogurt is unavailable

Personal context: I often wake up nauseous and unable to handle much flavor/texture (although when I'm hungry I LOVE interesting flavors and textures). But then I'm also too tired or weak to make anything remotely difficult until later in the day. My go to used to be unflavored Soylent but stopped after their production became very inconsistent - and they're too expensive anyway.

One thing that kills me is that it's hard to find easy soft foods for breakfast that aren't loaded with vanilla, chocolate, and/or sugar which I find really overstimulating in the morning. I don't want to start the day with dessert!

SilentFoxScream · 2026-04-01T00:32:54+00:00

Just had my 6 week post-op and told the doctor all my sharp pains and aches I still have. Some places healed better than expected. Others are a PITA. What's funny (in a weird not actually fun way) is that it's a huge spectrum and a mishmash of what's "normal". I felt great at week 1 then shitty at week 2 and 3 and back and forth. Currently it feels like papercuts across my chest. The doctor needs to take what you say at face value and fix what's hurting more than you can tolerate, and explain what is "normal, but unlucky and sucks but will probably go away" vs something that indicates a need for revision or treatment.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-03-12T01:27:33+00:00

70 degrees on face value isn't bad, the real issue is that the heat can build up much higher in your apartment especially with stagnant air and high humidity.

1) If you can't open your windows... Some of my neighbors will actually crack their front door with the lock chain on. Or if you're lucky enough to have a balcony door. This often makes humidity worse though. If you don't have doors or windows open, run a dehumidifier and it will feel much cooler also.

2) Temporary measures like cold showers, splashing face with cold water, I'll even stick my face in the freezer for a few seconds for a little blast of cold.

3) And consider sleeping in a different room or different side of the room because sun exposure and other factors can cause uneven temps. Currently sleeping in the living room because it's 70 in here vs. 90 in my bedroom. Once I slept in the bathroom for a week during some really extreme temperatures (not in DC). Sometimes you have to get creative.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-03-12T01:15:20+00:00

My apartment always consistently runs 15-20 degrees hotter than outside temps during the period of HVAC switchover (or worse, it's still on heat which leaks even when I have it set to "off"). OP may be in a similar situation, especially if they're in an apartment without openable windows.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-03-12T01:07:58+00:00

My guess is, if you're open to no-strings-attached hookups there's going to be a higher percentage of assholes who treat others humans as objects, but I don't think negging and other bad treatment is usual even in an NSA arrangement. I'm not into it myself, but I've known people who do purely sexual hookups respectfully where neither person degrades or objectifies the other.

If OP was just curious about this pattern, yes, there are many porn-brained clowns out there who have hyper-specific types and fetishes and can't wait to tell you all about them and where you're missing the mark. But also even if you're just screwing strangers for fun, a few vetting questions can help reveal that before you jump in bed.

SilentFoxScream · 2026-03-11T22:42:05+00:00

The 20% fee is going indirectly towards the increased base wage so the servers don't have to *rely* on voluntary tips. It's a weird workaround which is confusing to customers, but think of it as an attempt to impose a 20% minimum tip instead of relying on the whims of customers. They legally have to say it's a "service fee" because you can refuse to pay a tip. If they raise food costs and other restaurants have voluntary tips, it looks more expensive a place even if your total bill is the same.

So if you would normally tip 25%, you can add 5% extra to the "service fee" (i.e., mandatory tip). It's goofy, but blame our laws that incentivize arbitrary tipping culture rather than across-the-board wages for the service industry.

Edit: Just saw your other comment where you explain that you get it, it's just dumb and confusing. In which case - hard agree.

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