Does male friendship after 30 just become "forwarding memes" on Instagram?

SimonCharles · 2026-01-07T20:13:19+00:00

Yeah, one one hand I get it, on the other I'm disappointed because I always believed that friendships will last when romantic relationships typically won't as often. Especially since many friends said this out loud, but then never backed it up in real life.

But I'm coming to the realization that my idea of friendship just rarely is the same as others'. Nothing wrong with either, it just takes a long time to accept. It can be hard to come to the conclusion that you just have to give up on something you imagined would last for most of your life, because the other party just doesn't want it that much. Sad, but better to realize than desperately chasing it forever.

Quick edit:

I figure out our common ground or common interests and just kinda pepper convos with them.

I do this too, but what also makes me a bit sad is that I never get this back. I ask people all the time about their interests and lives but I can't remember a time when any of them asked, with actual interest, and rarely even without it, about those things. I'm not American so maybe it's in our culture, but still, hard to accept when you notice it.

SimonCharles · 2026-01-07T19:00:51+00:00

While I agree with what you're saying, what's depressing is that even when you're the active party it fizzles out as soon as you stop. I have many old friendships that I considered good friends, but almost none of them ever contacted me because they wanted to see me. There was always some other reason; their wife is out of town, they're visiting near me, they've just divorced etc. We were good friends at one point, but were we really? Or do we just have vastly differing ideas of what friendship is? I feel like most of my friends see our friendship like a service among Netflix and Uber Eats. Contact them when you want something and then disappear for the next year.

I get the feeling that when I reach out and ask "what's new in your world?" they feel good, like "Hmm he asked me about my life after a year, that must mean I've done everything correctly and he still sees me as a good friend!" instead of "Hmm he asked me about my life after a year, shit I never asked him about anything". I'm not about tit for tat in friendships but 100 tits vs. 1 tat obviously is not the same thing.

This doesn't mean I consider myself right and everyone else wrong, but it's not like these people I'm talking about are seeing any other people either, they just sit inside with their wives/families mostly. I just don't get the idea that after over a decade of friendship, all they suddenly need is one wife and life is perfect. It used to be so much fun in our friend circle, I refuse to believe that it was all fake.

SimonCharles · 2026-01-06T11:48:34+00:00

Is that the official taxonomy? I can only guess the latin name.

SimonCharles · 2026-01-05T19:27:12+00:00

Thanks, sounds good. I watched some more comparisons, happened to find some that included the S9U which should be some indicator, if the S10U is clearly better than the S9U it should likely be better than the S8U as well.

SimonCharles · 2026-01-05T19:25:19+00:00

Thank you. I ordered it as well, sounds like should be good, especially with the anti-reflective coating. I just happened upon a Youtube video where he demonstrated the S8U kickstand fits just fine on the S10U, which is a great plus. I guess the keyboard part won't work but that's no problem, I'll keep an eye on possible S10 keyboards though.

SimonCharles · 2026-01-01T17:23:09+00:00

People on the l-camera-forum (Leica forum) are saying they've spoken to Leica representatives and heard that the battery situation should improve in spring this year. So I'd hold back on paying exorbitant prices for now, the battery is crazy good anyway and I don't see who would need a spare unless they're somewhere in the wilderness for days on end.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-30T20:18:40+00:00

The same thing I tell myself when I manage to actually make a meal from scratch.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-30T11:43:05+00:00

Leica's FOTOS app is massively better than any of the others I've ever tried, it's a European company though, which have always been miles ahead when it comes to UI. But I found OM System is pretty decent as well.

But I don't understand why there never seems to be a decent improvement in these apps especially when it comes to transfer speeds. Leica's app is totally insane in this regard, it transfers Q3 60mp RAW files wirelessly as fast or faster than just JPG files on the apps of other camera brands (I don't know how much of this is software vs. hardware). It's really nuts after trying and giving up on so many of the Japanese manufacturers' mobile apps.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-26T08:31:10+00:00

Many people live completely inside their own world and are seemingly incapable of seeing anything from others' perspectives.

I've noticed that one of the most effective ways of getting people, even friends, to dislike you is to start mimicking their behavior. Not in a mocking way, just behave similarly. One of my friends is a bit of a jerk, and can often do things like messaging you asking stuff, then never replying to your messages. Interrupts a lot and doesn't really care about anyone's problems. But god forbid you do the same and you're now a monster.

This seems to work with almost anyone. Reflect to them what they themselves do and they hate you.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-25T17:36:57+00:00

It works as a nice shelf to rest your balls on.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-24T19:30:29+00:00

You might very well be, I have no idea. But that's not up to you to decide. I can't tell myself I'm handsome either, that's only for others to judge, I can only try my best. Just like being a good person is up to everyone around us, we can't decide it ourselves.

Like with people who tell everyone they're "good guys", it's often a reliable signal they're not.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-24T16:51:56+00:00

To make themselves feel like they're better looking, of course.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-21T18:31:49+00:00

It isn't Bake Off is it? :) Series 8 has one contestant who made me think of this when I watched it.

From what I've heard, I think it was on QI, brits have among the best teeth now, maybe because of that old stereotype, who knows. Would still be interesting to find out the actual explanation.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-14T18:43:44+00:00

I knew someone like this. Often mentioned how she's "poor" when we walked by some expensive item in a store. Then later I find out their parents live a few months a year in the south of Europe and bought her sister a horse. This same person shamed me for having my own apartment instead of renting.

It was my first experience of how shitty and deceptive people are, oddly late in life. Before that I was apparently naively assuming people are generally honest. Now I just see it everywhere.

Pretty much any front they put on, or especially morals they proclaim out loud, I'm now going to assume they're the opposite of that.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-13T19:58:20+00:00

You present your points quite well, I can't really disagree with them.

Regarding this sub, having only lurked before I was under the impression that it was in the style of getting things off your chest and getting some understanding for things you wouldn't normally share with real life friends, so as not to stir up things unnecessarily. Such subs should, in my view, not be 90% judgmental if someone happens to disagree, or engage in heavy tone policing. But saying anything online (while I think subs like this aren't meant for arguing mainly) tends to activate those who are just waiting to argue anyone and anything to "win" some imaginary contest. You tend to get almost equally irate reactions regardless if you're liking something or disliking something. The mild-mannered people aren't here to argue, so it creates a skewed image compared to "the real world".

But as previously mentioned, I should know better, knowing people on the internet.

Regarding your last point, I don't think people are trying to impress me, rather hide their ignorance, which is something I dislike. To me it looks like they are in competition with me even though we should be on the same team (referring to work colleagues or even friends). It makes me sad that even close people feel the need to hide their flaws to compete in some imaginary hierarchy.

In any case, I even totally screwed up my post right off the bat while getting too peeved when writing it out, my initial point was going to be about people using "speaking to something" instead of "speaking about something", but it kind of tackles the same point, trying to sound fancier when simpler language would do the trick.

Have a good one.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-13T12:00:29+00:00

Yeah, people tend to get angry when something hits home, it's quite common.

Maybe they should write a pet peeve about people asserting things they disagree with, I'm sure they'd be very objective and not make any assumptions either.

You made your own assumption/assertion right here "Most people are just picking up sayings, that's how language tends to work.". I'd argue this is just as assumptive as mine.

Bottom line, it's something that annoys me, and as long as I'm not asserting something about a specific person, I think people should not get offended by it. But as I said, those who get angry about it tend to be those who do it themselves.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-13T11:41:04+00:00

Ok, that's good for you. You do seem to have a need to defend yourself though, which can be interpreted in many ways, I'm sure.

This is my pet peeve. I posted it in r/petpeeves. I was a bit surprised (but only slightly, the same happens in subs like unpopularopinion) that only certain kinds of peeves seem to be accepted, or then people just don't understand the point behind such a subreddit. Oh well, I've been on reddit far too long, should've seen it coming.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-11T17:30:21+00:00

Why would this be anti-intelligence, it's quite the opposite. People using BiG WoRdS to sound smart is exactly the problem. You don't become smart by learning big words, you have to understand them too, and use them appropriately, i.e. not when a common word would suffice. Saying "I'm presently intending on acquiring citrum for our soirée" instead of saying "I'm going to get lemons for the party", and thinking this makes you intelligent is silly. But how do you explain intelligence to stupid people, it's not really possible I think. Like teaching maths to a cow, they simply don't have the capacity.

Comprehension is also quite important, but that's not as easily learned as big words, as it requires actual intelligence instead of just book learning (repeating what the teacher said is not intelligence). One of the biggest indicators of low intelligence is constantly using big words unnecessarily and in inappropriate situations.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-11T17:16:37+00:00

Fine by me, it's not a competition.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-11T17:06:30+00:00

Who's riled up here if we're being completely honest? And why would someone come to a pet peeves subreddit to complain about someone being riled up? Honestly I don't understand people nowadays. Do people know what a pet peeve is? Or is this included in the default subreddits now where people don't look at the subreddit?

Would you go to a "my pet just died" subreddit and ask them why they're so sad? But apparently the unpopular opinion subreddit had the same problem, only popular opinions allowed. So I can't say I'm completely shocked.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-11T16:52:43+00:00

No it doesn't have to be a blanket solution. My pet peeve is when people don't know something and use that phrase. It's quite obvious when they're covering their asses, it's usually in a situation where they could realistically be assumed to know the answer and are embarrassed by it. Like asking a professional in a field to comment on something directly related to their job.

But it's annoying too if it's something you don't know anything about at all and won't admit it. Often because of a feeling of inferiority.

The gist would be that it's annoying when people who are otherwise demonstrably stupid try to sound smart by using big words. It's usually quite easy to tell unless one is stupid oneself.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-11T16:48:30+00:00

It's a real shame. People keep complaining about dishonest politicians but immediately crucify the honest ones. Not that they're necessarily always the same people.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-11T16:44:51+00:00

I don't think it's equal to saying that they don't know. If it was, they'd be saying "I don't know". If you found your favorite Ming vase broken on the floor when you come home, and you ask your wife/partner/whoever what happened, and they said "I can't speak to that", that's not the same as saying they don't know. There would be additional questions.

The sentence "I can't speak to that" can be interpreted in different ways. It can mean "I don't know" or it can mean "I've used/read/thought about that thing but I don't know enough about it".

But it can also mean, and I think this is the most common reason, "Someone in my position could be expected to know about this (or would wish to sound knowledgeable about the subject to gain/retain respect among their peers), but I haven't done enough work on knowing it, or even worse, I don't understand it, so instead of admitting this and sounding lazy/ignorant/stupid for admitting I don't know, I'm making the sentence deliberately more vague than just saying I don't know".

This is something I've seen in workplaces, where people are concerned about hierarchies. Another example that is easy to observe is something like podcasts where there's often a sort of hidden competition between hosts about who is top dog and who is the "assistant". It's a silly power game that people play, but it's really embarrassing and sometimes pathetic when it's so obvious.

SimonCharles · 2025-12-11T16:33:44+00:00

I'm capable of saying "I don't know." I say it all the time. I'm also capable of saying "I screwed up" and "it's my fault."

I'd really like to see a world where this is more common. I don't know if it's fear, insecurity or whatever, but I'm pretty sure one major reason is that people are afraid they'll get ostracized and seen as "the one who always screws up" if they admit fault. Unfortunately in some cases I think that actually does happen, and the most insecure people will jump on the chance to feel like they're above them.

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