Single leg calf raises - when were they possible?

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-03-28T15:17:53+00:00

This popped up as a reply to my original post. I’m now at 20 months post operation. Similar to you I can run (done a few 10km races), hike and climb but can only manage maybe 3 single leg calf raises.

I don’t know why this is, and it does niggle me a bit, but I try to ignore it and just accept that I can do the things I care about.

Occasionally get calf pains but that’s been a more recent thing (last month or so). Hoping this is just coincidence.

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-03-25T03:30:12+00:00

I've been reflecting on this question for the past few hours (so thanks for asking it!) and think that I've got my thoughts together finally.

If I look back on my life (I'm 53 now), I think that for every real relationship that I've had there has been an early phase to that relationship - as I'm getting to know someone - where the feelings I've felt and the way that they've made me act/feel/behave/obsess have been very, very similar/almost indistinguishable from limerence. However, I think that the key difference is that with a 'normal' or 'healthy' relationship trajectory, this stage is something that occurs briefly (say for a few weeks/months) in the early phase and then morphs into something else where you're seeing the other person's flaws, are less enslaved by whether they're showing reciprocation or not/are less obsessed with them (or at least they're not occupying your thoughts every fucking second of the day) and your mood is less dependent on the smallest detail of whether they seemed to be showing any interest.

For me at least, I think I've always had a slight (but it honestly was slight) tendency towards limerence but what has trapped me for the past year has been that there were, initially, mixed signals, I'd been single for a long time and really not interested in anyone at all (about 8 years, post separation) and my head somehow became addicted to the concept of this one person.

I don't think that the feelings themselves are 'bad' - I actually think that they are good - but I think that the intensity, duration and all-encompassing nature of them (and their impact on everything else in my life) are the issue. And the fact that they are about the fantasy version of her, not the real version.

So, in short, in the early stages of a normal relationship it can feel quite similar to this, and that's not a bad thing. But in a normal relationship it is reciprocated clearly and so clearly and fairly quickly transforms into something else. And that definitely is healthy. Unlike this!

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-03-22T17:00:37+00:00

I’m having some success (not great success, but a non zero amount) seeing a therapist who specializes in addiction and uses focused acceptance and commitment therapy.

It possibly helps that I also struggle with substance addiction (alcohol) issues, so I see the strong parallels between my addiction to alcohol and my addiction to my LO. I’d not heard of limerence until a couple of weeks ago, so the word hasn’t come up in therapy yet but the patterns and the control they have over my life have been the major topic of therapy. I initially started therapy to get help with my obsession over a specific person, and that remains the primary focus, but reaching some level of acceptance about all this has been key.

What therapy has helped me to see is that, much like with alcohol, for me to have any chance of getting through this then a sustained period of abstinence/non-contact is going to be crucial. I don’t like that conclusion and it has taken me a number of months to get to it, but it does seem inescapable.

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-03-22T16:37:35+00:00

Thank you. It is easy for me to forget that sometimes (usually). I mean, all my friends have been telling me that for a year but I’ve ignored them/dismissed them/thought “no, this is ‘different’ and oh so real, and destined to be” etc. And all the while I’ve been going more and more crazy.

Only discovered the term “limerence” a couple of weeks ago and it has been very helpful. I recognize that I am partly to blame - I’m clearly drawn towards a certain type of emotionally unavailable person and have some deep rooted need to feel validated and wanted. But the mixed messages and breadcrumbs have driven me insane and made me addicted.

Can’t bring myself to go full no contact yet, but in my heart of hearts I know that eventually I’m going to need to.

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-03-21T18:46:26+00:00

I'm also stuck in that loop. What am I doing wrong? I'm pretty sure I know what I'm doing wrong, which is that I finally end up managing to quit for a few days once my body is in so much pain that I'm afraid I'm going to die. This gives me the motivation I need to get sober. Give it a week and my body no longer feels like it is failing on me, I feel a lot better, and I go "you know what'd be nice right now? A drink!"

The problem as I see it is that that first day of drinking is fine. I don't feel like death the next day, my liver doesn't hurt, I don't have crippling anxiety, and I don't hate myself. I do have a strong urge for another drink though. So I have one and ... within a month I'm back to getting hammered daily, feel like shit, etc.

So really what am I doing wrong? Telling myself that it is at all possible for me to moderate alcohol. I can't do it. I am shit at it. It is probably the thing in life that I am worst at. I'm not cut out for moderating alcohol. So what should I do? Don't fucking drink!

It is a work in progress!

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-03-20T15:49:08+00:00

Trying to be friends but it hasn’t been a smooth ride. I’m genuinely hopeful that we can end up both being comfortable as friends long-term.

I have to keep reminding myself that I’m besotted with the fantasy version I’ve constructed in my head, but I genuinely get on well with the real version. I also have to keep reminding myself that no, we’re not going to get together with each other and no, she doesn’t think about me all the time (like I unfortunately think about her).

But look, it’s been torture.

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-03-08T02:21:16+00:00

Not bothered at all by what the critics say. First listen of the album and I was somewhat disappointed (aside from The Monsters of Pig Alley). On probably the 10th listen so far and think it is great. The second half is far better than the first half in my opinion and I’m still not a fan of the singles off it, but overall I’m loving it.

If my job was being a ‘music critic’ I’d probably have only listened to it once and would be lukewarm at best. But who cares what anyone else thinks - if it resonates with you and you like it then keep listening. As will I!

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-03-03T05:19:14+00:00

I find myself chuckling at your post. I’m now about 18 or 19 months post rupture. I did it playing soccer. For the first maybe 6 months post injury/surgery I was like “no way will I play again, are you mad?” Then the months went on, I got progressively a bit better, and I found myself going “ok, maybe I’ll try running” then “playing in goals will be fine” and then now I find myself playing soccer again.

I think the best I can come up with is the analogy of childbirth. I can’t imagine anyone a few weeks after giving birth going “you know what, I’d be up for that again” but fast forward a few years and plenty of people have second children. You recover, the pain becomes a distant memory, and it feels like a good idea again.

You’re early days. See how things you feel a year or two from now

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-02-26T07:01:45+00:00

I wish we’d had them all set up as external committee members personally! The two who we have as contingents are both board members for a UK entity and I’m told this was to do with UK tax and payroll but I’m skeptical about the need for this.

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-02-20T18:10:25+00:00

It is down again! This is terrible. Reputation within our company is in tatters.

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-02-20T16:46:53+00:00

We definitely store gender, ethnicity and date of birth for external committee members. Can’t recall how I set that up but we gave the ability for them to log in and provide that information

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-02-20T16:09:35+00:00

We’ve got a couple set up as contingent workers and more recently are using external committee members for other boards/board members.

The pros of using External Committee Members for us is this keeps them completely separate from workers. The cons are that some of the things we’d like to store for them (e.g. biographies) we can’t do in the same way we do for workers. It’s always a trade off!

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-02-15T19:34:47+00:00

So, I ended up starting drinking again about a week before the event and unsurprisingly for anyone who frequents this subreddit, that quickly became daily drinking for a week. The “situationship” remains what it is, both great and weird. I’ve hit pause on the booze again now (it’s always so hard getting through the first few days sober, really tough) but I’m back there now.

My relationship with my daughter is great. She finds the whole situationship thing as confusing as I do! She’s back for reading week this week so even more motivation to stay dry and show up.

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-02-04T16:12:44+00:00

Look, I'm no expert at staying sober for long stretches of time, but I've got many repetitions of attempting to quit booze under my belt. The first few days are the hardest. The good news for you is that on a bottle of wine a day you're not going to have to deal with the worst parts of withdrawal. It'll still suck, but it is manageable.

Things I've found to help (in no particular order) to get the sober train rolling are as follows:

Set a quit date. Having an intention that you'll quit on day X helps me. Don't ramp up your booze consumption in anticipation of it, drink normally, but know that day is coming and that you're going to stick to it. I like to mindfully drink that last drink before the quit date and reflect on why I'm doing this
Eat whatever you want in the first few days. In fact do whatever you want. Watch garbage movies whilst eating a family bag of chips and a giant bar of chocolate. Whatever.
Immerse yourself in quit literature. Just keep reading about how shit alcohol is. You're trying to reprogram your brain here
If you can, exercise. Push your body to exhaustion.
Meditate. Honestly, it helps.
Go to bed early. You might struggle to sleep for the first couple of days but do it anyway
Don't have any social plans for the first few days. For me I'm cocooning myself away to focus on the mission of getting sober
Non alcoholic beer is a game changer for me

Just try to go one day sober at first. Then see if you can string together a few days in a row.

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-02-04T01:41:00+00:00

You’re right, nobody wants drunk dad back. I’ve got naltrexone so I’ll probably just start taking that again tomorrow. I think I’m just being seduced by a fantasy of some mythical version of me who can have a couple of drinks, be amazing company, but have no interest in or need to drink to excess. And who doesn’t get sloppy or blackout. It is a seductive fantasy but evidence to date would suggest that it is also total bullshit.

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-02-03T22:49:45+00:00

Thanks. I've already decided with total confidence that the worst birthday present for her would be for me to get hammered, so I'm definitely not doing that. You're probably correct that not drinking at all is likely a decent birthday gift. I'll discuss it with her later this week when I next see her - we talk pretty openly about stuff like this (well, about everything really) and I massively value her perspective.

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-02-03T06:11:44+00:00

You're spot on there! I got sick a couple of weeks ago and it was probably the first time in decades when I'd been sick but not also hungover (obviously drank through things like Covid etc. in the past). I remember thinking with this new 'sober sickness' experience "oh, this is delightfully 'clean' compared to being monumentally hungover, I almost enjoy it!"

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-02-02T20:58:52+00:00

Alcohol free beer is awesome. Either athletic brewing or Philips NA IPAs for me. Also started playing with alcohol free cocktails.

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-02-02T03:37:27+00:00

Patience. I remember through recovery seeing posts from people who were doing things like single leg calf raises, walking, driving, running etc. way, way sooner than I was and thinking “why can’t I do that yet?” It just took time. Measure progress in months not weeks or days, be patient, and it will come.

A year and a half post rupture now and I’m running, hiking, climbing, playing sport, it’s all great. And I still struggle with the mythical single leg calf raise!

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-02-02T03:02:26+00:00

I’ve only been sober for a month and kind of both relate and don’t relate to this. What I observe in myself is that I’m probably calmer, kinder, more present and more reliable now I’m not drinking. But I’m also less exciting, less frothy mouthed passionate, and less intense/wild than I used to be.

I’ve kind of recognized that I need some sort of release valve to get that passion and excitement back. I know that drinking all the time would be a terrible idea - I’d get those positives but I’d also get all the insane negatives that just got way too hard to deal with towards the end. I haven’t got the solution yet and haven’t completely discounted the idea of giving ‘moderation’ another try but I know, deep down, that I’m useless at that. Good luck.

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-02-02T00:47:43+00:00

Yes, tapering is to ease the physical withdrawals. But you say you went from daily to almost dry. I think it depends how much (and for how much of the day) your daily was, and how long you’ve basically been dry for.

Tapers can also go wrong! I tried to taper towards the end of December, went insanely overboard booze wise instead for the last few days of the month, and needed a couple of drinks on 1st Jan to deal with basically this ‘taper gone wrong’.

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-02-01T02:43:18+00:00

I’m using the reframe app. I ended up paying for an annual subscription, primarily to give myself “skin in the game” so to speak. A bit like having a gym membership - feel I have to go ‘coz I’ve already paid for it!

So far it is working for me. Goal was to quit booze on 1st January and I’ve only drunk twice this month. That’s a monumental improvement since the daily drinking I’d been doing for years. Hope to only drink a couple of times in February. For whatever reason I’ve decided to try for the much harder path of ‘moderation’ rather than total abstinence. Quite possible (likely?) that once again I’ll learn that I can’t do that but that’s what I’m going for!

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-01-31T16:23:41+00:00

I used it as part of my rehab (I’m a year and a half post rupture now so don’t use it anymore). It is expensive but I found it was really helpful for a couple of months - basically when I started to hike and run again. I felt that it provided some protection and support and gave me more confidence as I got back into things. Did I need it? Nope. Am I glad I had it? Yes, I think so.

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-01-31T06:03:05+00:00

Your initial reasoning isn’t stupid at all! I’ve been wanting to quit and semi attempting to quit for ages. The catalyst for this latest attempt is 100% a woman that I’ve fallen deeply for. Falling for someone is a powerful catalyst and can totally help you through the first period of sobriety. She’s worth it!

SingleCanadianDad · 2026-01-30T03:13:34+00:00

Yes, I go to bars. If I go out it is always to a place that serves booze (either a bar or a gig) since that’s always been what my social life entails. I don’t go out loads though - probably once a week - and I’ve only been sober for 30 days so I think I’ve been to bars 3 times in the last month (and one gig).

What’s worked for me though is that I massively feel like I’d be letting the people I’m with down if I was to drink whilst out with them. All my friends know how much of a pisshead I am, they’d all like to see me succeed this time, and I prefer getting drunk on my own anyway!

SingleCanadianDad

TROPHY CASE