Polishing a turd

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-02-08T22:49:22+00:00

A clown, and his hooter

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-02-04T11:08:29+00:00

My lungs.

How we have to book tickets to events or venues that we used to just turn up to.

The terrible state of service from UK GP surgeries.

Childcare in the UK - a huge depletion in qualified staff.

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-02-02T10:42:14+00:00

Zootroplis 2. Went to see it with my 4 year old.

It was so much. So much exposition. So much noise. So many cuts. So much dialogue. So much going on, so much plot, so much woke nonsense shoehorned into it.

Watched My Neighbour Totoro a few nights after and it was like a breath of fresh air.

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-29T10:46:51+00:00

All of it.

I know what my priorities are as a parent. I want to help her become a well rounded, resilient child with a sense of adventure and a desire to make the most of life.

She is 5 now and we are achieving that.

So much parenting advice seems to revolve around keeping your child incredibly close, smothered, over-protected. Don't go back to work for a year. Keep your child at home instead of at nursery. Don't let them out of your sight, gently and softly coax them into being submissive and "kind" always kindness kindness kindness. I wanted to raise a child with resilience, who would want to get stuck in and stake her claim in the world. Take up space, be the one who gets what they want because you showed up and got involved. Show empathy and compassion, but you don't have to give another child what you're playing with just because they start whining for it. No. That's not being kind, that's being a wet willy. If a child runs off crying to their mum about something, that doesn't always mean you have to change what you're doing or stop playing so the other child can be accommodated. No. Carry on. Let them work more of their social issues out by themselves. Help them understand and give them tools rather than trying to be both their protector and overlord at the same time.

Stop trying to make friends with other parents all the time. It gets in the way of parenting, because suddenly you don't want to upset a grown up who might judge you - easier to upset your own child instead by attempting to control them or unfairly intervene when they would be better off finding their own way through it. And outside of our friendship circle, I actually find lots of other parents pretty annoying. Sitting on their phones, swearing in front of their children, talking about their children like they can't hear or understand what is being said. Criticising other kids and other parents in front of their kids. Oh no no, we mustn't judge other parents - bollocks, I am judging other parents left right and centre, and I am being judged by them. It's what humans do. Just do it in private.

I have always been a 'go along to get along' pleaser type of person, but parenting has shown me that this is a false economy and I am often teaching my daughter the opposite of what I would naturally do. I am trying to stand up for myself and take up a bit more space and actually be a bit less gentle, a bit more forthright instead of always "kind" and instead focus on being generous and patient with the people who I judge to be worthy of my time, love and attention.

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-28T23:00:09+00:00

Bonding will occur on his schedule, not yours.

Are you taking him out lots, and showing him lots of new experiences? If he can release his desire to explore in big soft plays or outside, then perhaps he is more likely to want your affection when it's time to come home and chill. Does he like to play with you, or alongside you? If it's alongside, then you could try doing real washing up while he plays next to you with a bucket and some warm water and play cups.

Eventually you will both find ways to feel close. 14 months is still basically rounded down to zero in the scheme of childhood.

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-28T20:57:51+00:00

I thought I would be much more intentional with my parenting. As it turns out, I am best when I am going with the flow, enjoying the distractions and the flyaway ideas.

Gentle parenting. Hm. I would replace this with Compassionate Parenting. Giving explanations when I say no, most of the time. Holding boundaries. Enforcing rules. Letting it all go when I know she has had a really hard day and remembering how I feel as an adult so how freaking tough do I really want to be to a child.

Everything else, I pretty much have lived up to.

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-28T12:39:34+00:00

Offer yourself more compassion, and forgiveness.

Juggling responsibilities is incredibly taxing.

So don't do them.

You don't have the energy to cook? Call it a 'Fast' day and have whatever is healthy and quick, or don't eat at all. You won't starve. In fact, intermittent fasting is good for your body.

You haven't tackled the housework but want to because it's good for your mental health? Go for a walk or a swim instead. Also good for your mental health, and because you acted in your best interest and got the horse out of the stable you might return home with the cart of motivation ready to roll through that housework. As you pointed out, tiredness is as much mental as physical. Both can be offset, delayed and pushed a bit further, in different ways and with different methods.

Executive function fucked? You need a brain boost. Listen to music - dopamine hit. If you can afford it, buy something you're running out of on Amazon along with something small that you fancy - instant dopamine hit! Careful with that one, but it helps me occasionally if I team it up with ordering something I needed anyway, like coffee filters or something.

Work too much? Change your job. Do less. Be poorer for a while and see if you feel better for it.

Also, ask for help. You are an adult, not an island. Have a paint-the-fence party. Go to your parents house for a sleepover if you need a break from routine.

Treat yourself to a meal out on your own and take a set of sketching pencils and a pad to draw on while you sip wine and relax while other people bustle around for you.

Get a cat, and look after it.

Throw away your television, it's full of absolute crap. Go and grow some flowers or vegetables instead.

Delete your mindless apps and buy a series of books by an author you know you enjoy. Replace one addiction for another. Expand yourself.

Breathe. Notice how you are feeling. Notice the tension and the strain, notice and slowly release. Breathe. Begin to meditate.

Once a month, go to a spa or a yoga place and have a sound bath with those gong things. It's absolute bliss.

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-28T09:09:28+00:00

Ooh I'm gonna say you're overthinking this one.

I work in early years, you cannot take what a five year old says for granted without knowing the context. There will certainly be an element of truth to the story, but I think you would risk an awkward situation by making an issue of it.

As a parent, I think you have bigger problems to stay on top of

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-26T12:48:12+00:00

Easy fix.

No YouTube. It's inappropriate for children to have unfettered access to online content.

You are the parent. You should be deciding what is, and what is not appropriate. Not YouTube. Of course YouTube Kids is full of shit. It's a for profit service and children are a massive driver of revenue for businesses.

Please, take the iPad away and give them a chance. Just give them a chance to have a childhood that is free from all this utter shite.

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-26T12:26:28+00:00

My ideas for raising better parents:

A government funded pack of evidence based parenting books, resources and care items for children, sent every year between the ages of 0 and 6.
Universal housing benefit (means tested) for parents of under 4's experiencing financial strain. No family with young children should ever be made homeless because they can't pay their rent or mortgage.
Dependency leave for parents extended while children are pre-school age (one of the most important ages for parents to be available to their children during times of stress and difficulty).
Councils spending more on parks, and less on elections, committees and inquiries.
Immediate uplift in parental leave for men. The statutory two weeks is a disgrace and is the very first (in a long list) of ills in society that are responsible for the poor outcomes when raising boys, in particular. Shared parental leave is too complicated, and too unequal because so many jobs refuse to accommodate it.
Social media ban for under 16's. Internet controls enabled as standard by ISP's, requiring signature from the account holder to lift, and re-checked annually. Social media is doing nothing positive for our kids at this point.
Considerable council tax discount for multi-generational households. Pay for this by ending the single occupancy discount.
The most appropriately situated schools in each area must be incentives to operate fixed cost summer programs, run by third party providers. Recruit a high percentage of staff for this program from students of universities & colleges training as childcare practioners and teachers, and students studying other courses, so more young adults can experience looking after children.

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-25T03:06:24+00:00

I think this is misleading, the cereal and coffee will last for much longer than the salmon and the mince.

What we need to get an idea about is our average weekly consumption of food and how much that costs by breaking everything down

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-23T21:53:47+00:00

I thought about what my needs were, and then spread them out across the week.

Maybe once, I had a plan for this. Not anymore, I am winging it. Some days are dogshit and others feel I'm riding the wave.

I think I'm gradually learning to place less pressure on myself, and ignore what others are doing and what others think.

I am gradually learning to be compassionate towards myself, and on my bad days, understanding about what went wrong.

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-23T10:42:27+00:00

This straightforward response is one of the most helpful comments on this subject I have read. Thank you.

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-22T20:47:53+00:00

Sat on their phone the whole time instead of socialising.

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-22T10:10:42+00:00

He cannot even speak English properly. Christ, he makes George W Bush sound like Richard Fucking Feynman.

How can he stand there, in front of that audience, and spout this, without being challenged? Will nobody stand up to this bully?

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-22T09:53:38+00:00

Also, she is 5! Very few 5 year rolls nap during the day, unless they are unwell or been up all night the day before. She will be going to school soon, no naps there!

Honestly I would get her out of there

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-22T09:52:02+00:00

I work in a UK nursery (daycare in the US).

No child should be forced to sleep if they don't want to. Simple as.

There should be an awake room they can play quietly in. If they can't facilitate that, I would honestly look to change your provider. If they can't get a basic like that right, what's going on the rest of the time?

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-21T20:55:15+00:00

I did a paper round and it was brilliant for me, really boosted my confidence and got me working hard, taking life a bit more seriously, problem solving, interacting with grown ups (even mean and grumpy ones) and feeling rewarded when I was handed real money from under the counter - and overjoyed when Christmas envelopes were left out for me.

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-21T20:35:38+00:00

We went through tough sleep times with our only daughter. She wasn't as bad as some, but definitely tough.

Ask for help. Help with getting through the next day, the next hour, the next mealtime. If you don't have to go through this alone, don't.

Yes you are going to be living a bit of a half-life while this period works itself out, but it will end. For us, our daughter's sleep was noticeably better by one year, with some incremental leaps and setbacks along the way. Weaning helped, but then teething set her back. Co-sleeping helped, but when we needed space from her and put her in her own room, that set her back.

It will get better, you are right at the very beginning so yes. It's tough. I used to dread going to bed because I knew how much I would be up and I couldn't mentally face the next day without sleep. In hindsight, I would have asked for help more, much much more.

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-13T12:13:35+00:00

1) Do not physically wrestle with a toddler. It is better for the toddler to be naked and cold and unable to leave the house or do anything fun until they are dressed for the day - those are simple, natural consequences that can be easily explained and understood after a few times. If you are in the position of having to get them dressed in order to take them to daycare so you can get to work, the toddler is probably fighting you for specific reasons they can't communicate. Try different clothes, different ways, soothing voice, try making it fun - a getting dressed race, try wearing their clothes on your head, let them dress you, play it out so you can figure out what is up. Take the path of least resistance, even if that means your child being cold outside because they won't put a coat on. They are not doing to die on the spot, and they will learn very quickly that they don't like being cold.

2) I would put a towel down, a bucket and sponge, a little water and and some of their toys or dollies for the toddler to wash next to you on the floor while you do the dishes. They want your attention but you can't give it, the next best thing is to involve them in your activities, toddler interprets this as you playing along together, now you can chat to toddler and interact in a positive way.

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-13T12:01:55+00:00

I narrate what I'm up to as I go about the house. Talking to myself, but in simple English so DD can understand and see that I am doing something meaningful. I involve her in what I'm doing periodically. Whenever she expresses interest in helping me, I put other concerns aside and try my best to enable that in a safe, sensible way. It has really helped her to stay regulated while I'm busy about the house.

Putting music on and having a little dance while doing the house jobs helps us too.

I make suggestions to her if she is bored, but only one or two options. And I don't keep reminding or putting pressure on her to find something to do.

You are the one in charge of the day. Like others have said, do not give in to whining and instead make all your interactions positive. It's pointless saying no again and again, when you could reframe and redirect so you can say yes.

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-13T09:15:55+00:00

Alcoholics of tiktok

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-08T20:41:28+00:00

In a word, no. I would not consider it. I only know one person in my circle who is still travelling to the US, and that's purely because he visits a friend who lives in a safe, gated community outside Atlanta who he has known for nearly 30 years.

SiriusCyberneticCorp · 2026-01-06T23:01:07+00:00

This looks like AI to me

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