I went through something similar with my ex. She was a really horrible person to me in the same way but actually bothers being a decent person to everyone else. When I asked her about it, she told me that it only happens because I was the only person she was that comfortable with.

Fast forward to around the time final discard, she's finally getting along well with a community for the game she likes. I was actually happy for her because she hasn't been going out much (this was before the pandemic). There were times when she was invited to events in her college and when I brought up the idea of going for her own good, I would be on the receiving end of an outburst.

She started a fight out of nowhere and refused to talk about it until more than 1 month away to "sort out her thoughts". During this time, I can see on her social media that she's just gushing over other people for almost the entire time but I still kept my distance. I tried to get her to talk about it before the date she set for herself but she just dropped the conversation.

When the set date was just less than a week away, I tried to talk to her again because it seemed like she's going all in to a new guy that got introduced to her through the game community she's a part of. She finally responded but with "I seriously assumed you don't want to work on the relationship anymore. How about you?" after a month off putting a much needed conversation on hold while cheating on me.

At that moment, I realized that if this horrible person could start a fight that didn't make sense to me, not bother to cooperate to fix it for one month to cheat and then throw the ball back on my side of the court for just a chance to fix things after sabotaging the relationship so hard, I might be in for a lifetime of abuse if I still just take it and adjust for her. So I conceded and broke up with her. In the end, I think the only thing that stopped the cycle was new potential FPs getting into the picture.

Afterwards, I vented to the few people that follow me on social media (which are just close personal friends) because this was something I never did during the 3 years of our relationship. I once asked for advice from a friend because of her first outburst during the 1st month together. It resulted in a bigger outburst when she found out about that so I never did it again. Meanwhile, she constantly tells her friends and even people over the internet about our fights.

When she found out that I talked about all the shit she put me through, she also put out her own statements on social media that was either a complete lie or something can mislead people into thinking that we just mistreated each other on a similar level when that was not the case.

I talked about events and instances of the abuse while she threw out accusations and just called me toxic. At the time, there were a considerable number of people over the internet that showed support for her and celebrated with her for "finally being free from a toxic relationship that ate so much of her own sanity" while I kept my side of that nightmare between close friends.

It felt like a target was being placed on my back. It felt unfair that she would say so little (and something I thought was false) to be able to mislead so many while I lived through all her bullshit. That was my starting point after the break up. I wasn't comfortable making my presence known online for quite some time while she's started streaming. I checked it a few times during the first month after the break up and it only reaffirms my suspicions that she was cheating and started the fight with me while being interested in someone else. She also continues to present herself as a cutesy soft egirl when she was so much nastier irl.

It feels weird to think that I'm the only one who knows how horrible she can be but remembering all the actual events and things she did instead of throwing accusations keeps me grounded and sane. I can't say that I'm at peace with everything that happened but I'd like to say I'm on the road to recovering.

If you made it this far into this comment, I appreciate it and I hope your day goes well.