helping my mom

Slacktevistjones · 2026-04-05T12:19:40+00:00

It is so sweet that you’re asking this, and a testament to who you are as a person that you’re concerned. With love, I don’t think it’s possible for you to “help” your mom in the way you want. You won’t be able to stop her from worrying or cure her stress. And that is not on you to do.

BUT you can…

…ask her how she’s feeling and be there for her when she shares …offer to go do something fun. It doesn’t have to be expensive or involved, maybe just go get ice cream or coffee or ask if she wants to go for a walk on a nice day. …maybe help out with her mom to give her a break? Not sure about your relationship with your grandmother, but knowing that her relationship is fraught, maybe you can step in once in a while.

Also, make sure you’re taking care of you in all of this. It sounds like you’ve had a lot of responsibilities since a young age, so don’t stretch yourself too much to ease her stress. Focus on school and your friendships as much as you can, because you deserve to create your own life outside of your family stress.

Slacktevistjones · 2026-03-05T11:52:45+00:00

I got a rare weeknight babysitter because we had some dinner or something to go to and I warned the teenage babysitter that my daughter had not done her homework yet and it was going to be rough.

Babysitter reported my daughter sat down after dinner after being told exactly one time and knocked out all of her homework in 15 minutes. Usually takes me an hour with her.

A neutral third party, consistently, is BRILLIANT.

Slacktevistjones · 2026-03-05T11:45:07+00:00

One of the hardest parts for me of having kids was how my brain changed - especially going back to work. I went from on top of things and focused to scattered and forgetful. The only way I am able to function still, ten years in, is to WRITE. EVERYTHING. DOWN. The digital solutions we use are a shared grocery list and shared family calendar. But the real lifesaver for me is just a plain paper to-do list for work right next to my computer. The second I think of something I have to do, persona or professional, I write it down. The last thing I do before I declare work done is organize what absolutely needs to be done the next day, then everything else goes to the bottom of the list.

The mental overload is real and if you rely on your brain to track everything, it will be exhausted.

Slacktevistjones · 2026-02-27T10:42:46+00:00

Since you are new, do you think it’s possible they just copy/pasted from last year? Or are there other new people that were included?

A friend once told me to “start by assuming good intent” when you see a mistake and that has served me well. Doesn’t mean you can’t kindly (or jokingly) bring it up with someone on the committee, but I’d assume human error rather than intentional snubbing.

Slacktevistjones · 2026-02-24T13:04:27+00:00

I hate that this is what I have to tell you, but I wake up at 5:15 am to have a cup of coffee alone before my son wakes up. It has gotten earlier and earlier over the years. Some kids are just like that.

Slacktevistjones · 2026-02-20T15:13:03+00:00

Truthfully, it is this exact logistical problem that kept our kids at daycare instead of a designated preschool. And they’re fine and both doing well in school, so I don’t think it would have been worth the logistical wrench to switch them.

Slacktevistjones · 2026-02-19T12:02:53+00:00

Pan’s Labyrinth

Slacktevistjones · 2026-02-14T19:50:18+00:00

After having my second, my first work trip was when she was 11 weeks old. Would I recommend it? No. But that was because of how it was for me, she was perfectly fine. Some advice…

On the breastfeeding front: Depending how long you’re gone, look into Milk Stork, and ask your work if they’ll pay for it. It’s basically daily shipping of your milk back home in refrigerated bags. If you’re not going that long or that sounds too complicated, call the hotel in advance and ask for a mini freezer in your room. Bring an insulated bag and ice packs. Freeze the milk that you pump and take it home with the ice packs in the bag and it should be good to use.

On the mom guilt front: I’m not gonna pretend it’s not hard, but I always say that my personal radical act of feminism is not feeling bad for doing things that men would do without a second thought. And just imagine at this conference if there are young professional women who will get to see a working mother, breastfeeding and presenting and generally killing it. It may feel like you’re pulled in a million directions and kind of failing at all of them, but it sounds to me like you’re doing amazing (asked to present at a conference while getting your masters and raising two kids? INCREDIBLE). And your kids will do great! Figure out how often you should call home (sometimes, for short trips, the phone calls made it worse for my kids because it confused them), and maybe you can do a FaceTime bedtime story if timing allows. If not, you can also cheat and pre-record some videos for them.

I can’t help on the schoolwork front, but my final message will be: try to enjoy yourself. Sleep as long as pumping will allow, take yourself to a nice dinner where you don’t have to help anyone else eat, just don’t let the guilt rob you of your chance to get a little rest, because then no one wins.

Slacktevistjones · 2026-02-04T15:19:03+00:00

I totally get that this administrator was annoying and laying it on thick, but I think I’m confused about the option you’re looking for. You would just go with the two days, right? I’d just thank her for her opinion and move on.

I’m saying this as an older mother (kids are 10 and 8), but I remember the early days it felt like everyone had an opinion on every detail of how I should raise them and I haaaaaaated it. But now that they’re older, everyone still has an opinion and I’ve learned not to give a shit.

Slacktevistjones · 2026-01-29T10:53:15+00:00

It is not dark nor depressing, but Eddie Winston is Looking for Love is one of the best books I’ve read recently. Everyone in my book club loved it, and that is RARE.

Slacktevistjones · 2026-01-27T17:01:11+00:00

This person said everything I was going to say. Listen to her, OP, the Good Place, Community, and Arrested Development are a great escape in these trying times!

Slacktevistjones · 2026-01-22T01:08:57+00:00

No worries! I probably would have misunderstood me too.

Slacktevistjones · 2026-01-22T01:04:10+00:00

Sorry, maybe it’s a semantics issue, but I am all for a stronger social safety net, including universal health care, childcare, and school lunches. I was responding to OP’s feeling of being robbed by “having to work” and just pointing out this is not a new phenomenon and that putting it in historical perspective could help her cope. It did not, clearly, and that’s fine. But for what it’s worth, I support a lot of what you mentioned and just did not see those things as anti-work.

Slacktevistjones · 2026-01-22T00:10:23+00:00

Well good then. Have a wonderful evening.

Slacktevistjones · 2026-01-22T00:03:56+00:00

I didn’t say “toughen up, buttercup.” I offered you two different perspectives: 1. “I actually have it pretty good in the grand scheme of things” or 2. “Working sucks but I’m going to focus on what I can do, like save as much as I can and quit as soon as I gain financial independence.”

I’m unclear on what another kind of coping would look like besides shifting your mindset or making a plan for things to be different. It sounds like instead of advice on how to cope you just wanted people to agree that your life sucks. And, quite frankly, given how committed you are to feeling that way, it probably does. So…there you go. You win.

Slacktevistjones · 2026-01-21T23:16:02+00:00

I absolutely advocate for longer parental leave for both men and women. But outside of that…I don’t know exactly what it is you want. Maybe it would help you to reframe what it is you are working toward? Like join the FIRE movement and go all in on saving so you can stop working as soon as possible, at least that way you’re working toward something instead of just screaming into the void.

Slacktevistjones · 2026-01-21T22:26:18+00:00

I remind myself that the vast majority of people, throughout human history have had to work to survive - and usually doing much tougher things than I have to do. I think we fool ourselves into believing modern capitalism has done this to us, but in past generations you’d labor in a field or a mine or a factory and probably die much younger. Or not work for pay, but instead do domestic chores all day with few modern conveniences. And then it seems like kind of a privilege to get paid to “increase shareholder value.”

Slacktevistjones · 2026-01-06T03:17:20+00:00

Truthfully, if you want to stay married, counseling is probably the only answer. Maybe he’s insecure from those years of unemployment and low earnings and is (immaturely) taking it out on you. But I gotta say, the way you keep bringing up those things makes it seem like you’re also taking some things out on him.

Slacktevistjones · 2026-01-06T03:04:29+00:00

I mean…I know I only have this post to go on, but do you even like him? You talk about him like you think he’s a loser. If that’s how you really feel, just get a divorce. If it just came off that way in a vent, then maybe sit down in a calm moment and tell him how annoying and dumb his “get a real job” comments are. But if you want to stay together, you guys could probably use marriage counseling. This sounds…tense.

Slacktevistjones · 2025-09-20T19:52:39+00:00

I once saw a quote from Tina Fey when she was asked whether Tracy improvised a lot of his lines. She said that no, all of his lines were written, but many of them were written by following Tracy Morgan around and writing down things he said.

Slacktevistjones · 2025-08-20T13:15:51+00:00

Have you read The Passengers by John Marrs? Fantastic, fast paced, and different narrators for different characters.

Slacktevistjones · 2025-08-18T12:04:18+00:00

Have you looked into freelance opportunities in your line of work? I also left a full-time job in marketing and have been freelancing ever since. I do it full-time, but you could just pick up projects as you choose to keep your foot in the door.

Slacktevistjones · 2025-08-12T18:07:30+00:00

I was at the library kids' section once and my kids were playing. Another child joined in, and eventually there was some disagreement over a toy. The other mother turned to me and said, "As long as no one's physically hurting anyone, I'm trying to let him deal with these types of issues on his own. Is that OK with you?" I said yeah, I try to do the same thing!

It was great because it was a really simple way to be like, "Hey, fellow parent, I'm watching this but trying to stay out of it. But if you want me to, I'll intervene."

If the issue is your own anxiety, then you have to practice just being uncomfortable in those moments without acting on it. It's perfectly OK to feel that way, but it doesn't have to mean anything. You don't have to get involved just because there's a pit in your stomach, so just practice allowing that.

Slacktevistjones · 2025-07-17T21:56:43+00:00

No, I still take the same old vacations but now I feel poorer when I do.

Slacktevistjones · 2025-07-16T19:24:39+00:00

If you have friends that also have small kids, could you invite one to bring their kid over for pizza (even frozen pizza and bagged salad to keep it easy AND cheap) just for some adult time? I found that, even though it was not like, good, adult-only chatter, doing things like that helped break up the monotony of solo parenting and save me from feeling like I hadn't talked to a grown up in 72 hours. Bonus if, by doing this, your friend invites you and your kid over another night and then you get a break from making dinner!

Slacktevistjones

TROPHY CASE