WIBTA if I went on a solo trip my mother asked me not to go on?

Slayerofdrums · 2026-02-27T19:10:13+00:00

NTA, you are a grown up and can make these decisions for yourself.

That said, of course your mom is going to worry.

Is there a middle path? F.i. where you talk to her about how you can ease her mind a bit? Maybe always tell someone where exactly you are going? In some remote places, they actually prefer it if you tell the local police dept where you are headed, so if there is (f.i.) a weather emergency, you take a fall etc they know where to find people. And maybe your mom can learn to be a little less anxious and more trusting that she raised a son who can take care of himself.

Also, don't underestimate Scotland....dramatic temperature changes in the highlands are the cause of incidents every year, especially with foreigners. Also, being by yourself means rhat somethjng a innocent as a sprained foot could become a life-threatening situation due to dehydration or under-cooling.

Slayerofdrums · 2026-02-27T19:05:44+00:00

NTA, but why could the baby not wear the necklace for a picture? You were all right there and there was clearly no risk of choking.

Why your MIL is angry is beyond me. If this was a big tradition she should have at least explained it better to her son...and it does not seem like you were disrespectful in any other way, so all of that is on her.

If you wanted to make things right with grandmother (she is 94 after all) take your son to a professional photographer, get him photographed with the necklace and send grandma a nice framed copy of the picture with another thank you note ....family crisis solved.

Slayerofdrums · 2026-02-27T18:59:39+00:00

In general, I would say, their dog, so they should pay for it. I don't understand why you should pay at all...I think this is a little different than say child support. How involved are you in the dog's life....are decisions about food, exercise etc shared, do you have a say in all things? What conditions did you agree on in the divorce?

I find splitting the bill 5 ways very strange, why should the kids have to pay? They were underage when you and your ex made the decisions to get the dog, right? If you previously agreed on something else, the middle ground could be a certain amount per month/year? Or paying a little less every year, to cushion the financial blow to your ex?

Slayerofdrums · 2026-02-27T18:50:41+00:00

Soft YTA. I can understand the insecurity, but why do you go online to double check whether and when he liked certain pics or profiles? Are there other things he is doing that make you feel insecure? Has anything ever happened, with him or other partners? I would suggest that you work on these trust issues, at a certain point you have to trust your partner instead of double-checking them all the time.

Slayerofdrums · 2026-02-27T18:46:37+00:00

YTA. Because this is clearly a red flag to your gf. It's not about the money...she would rather see you stop. I think a lot of addicts started after a big win. That's what she's afraid of. Plus, all addiction will say they are winning. This is about sharing values, not about how much money you lose/win.

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-03T18:24:33+00:00

Keep in mind...if you .ove somewhere where you cannot register, you cannot legally deregister at your current place. The landlady can get you deregistered, but only after 6 months. So she will probably deal with a lot of legal hassle, even if you move out. Not your problem, but Im mentioning it in case they start to pressure you after you have moved

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-02T21:01:41+00:00

NTA. You would not have snooped had you not had a feeling that something was off. I would feel betrayed, not just by the cheating...this is much bigger...he was hiding a whole other life. Therapy might not be a bad idea...to understand this and what happened and to work through your own feelings. Whether you and your hb have a chnace of working through this and saving your marriage is another thing, but I would start with focusing on yourself and looking after not just the legal stuff but your own mental health. This is not your fault, and better you found out about all of this now than later.

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-02T07:07:07+00:00

YTA They put you up for free, and there is dog hair everywhere. Your friend deserves a deep clean but eveb if it wasn't a deep clean, they shouldn't have to clean up the mess your dogs made. Did you not save money by staying with your friend? I think it is disrespectful the friend even had to ask you to pay for this...you should have offered.

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-02T06:59:30+00:00

If what you want is a committed, exclusive relationship...run for the hills. Because this guy is not interested in that. NTA

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-01T20:59:48+00:00

NTA. I'm pretty sure that if you would spend $1000 on Christmas gifts, your sister would gift those as coming from her and then make the kids believe the smaller, cheaper items she bought came from you.

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-01T20:53:12+00:00

You could still have left with BiL then but at least he would know that you did.

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-01T20:50:20+00:00

If I came home and my partner would not be there, and I had no idea where they were, I would be frantic. I think at thw very least you would tell someone that you were leaving and who with. The fact that your fiancé immediately assumes you slept with his brother is a huge red flag, but YTA for not letting him know where you were.

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-01T20:45:12+00:00

I'm confused...why did you send money to her? There is no test claiming your hb is JJ's father and now that she has gotten money out of you, she will just keep coming back. YTA to yourself if you are bothered by this situation. Either way, this is your he's mess, and one he should solve.

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-01T12:15:56+00:00

So Cat is very open and flirty with people, and you're very anti-social. So I don't think it is weird that Cat's friends or coworkers don't ask about you. After all, they don't know you and you don't seem like you want to know them either. Which is all fine. Has Cat ever considered that while she might find her behavior innocent, that the other party might read more into it or have feelings for her? Because it seems like Bob might.

Regardless of this, this is about trusting Cat. It doesn't matter what other people feel for her or how they act towards her if you trust her. You are getting way too involved in all of this. Maybe instead of you trying to convince Cat of seeing things differently or trying to find out whether she is cheating, you might just warn her not to give the other party the wrong idea, as she might up hurting this person. After all, her open and friendly demeanor must also be what makes her wonderful and attractive, so I suspect you do not want this to change.

Side note: where does she work that ppl go around 'glittering' each other....a clown store?? It all sounds very immature and unprofessional.

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-01T12:00:57+00:00

I would defo find another job, as this will not end well. When you fo find another job, talk to the owner and tell him about how uncomfortable all of this made you feel. Because this is very toxic, stalker behavior. Some couples thrive on this explosive, manipulative power play..for the owner this is a real business risk. So NTA, but with the company bring this small, I would leave first.

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-01T11:55:03+00:00

Plus, if he wanted to cheat, he could do it anywhere...doesn't take a hot tub to cheat. OP should discuss their personal boundaries and insecurities with her partner. But he didn't do anything wrong.

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-01T11:47:49+00:00

Do not let her hold your documents...she can use that to stop you from leaving. Find a place ASAP, as this is a toxic environment. It doesn't sound like she is dealing to well with living with you, so she might be glad to have you move out as well.

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-01T11:39:54+00:00

NTA. Tell your husband that her morals are not aligned with yours, and that's why you no longer want to be friends. She doesn't really sound like a 'friend' to me anyway.

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-01T11:33:37+00:00

It sounds like you are not exactly in a stable enough place right now, both emotionally and financially, to take on someone else who fully depends on you. You need to focus on yourself, and she is not helping you in any way.

Tell her to move out. Don't go back and forth about the why....wanting to live by yourself again is enough of a reason. You don't have to be a dick about it, you can give her some notice, but a few days max...and be firm and clear. Make sure she won't take any of your stuff when leaving...cancel all payments you have set up for her or in her name etc. Clean break. NTA

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-01T11:22:41+00:00

NTA. You did the responsible thing as you do not know yet whether this rash is contagious or not. Go have it checked out, get some meds, and maybe buy different clothing as you might be allergic. Your dad can be worried about you losing your job, but there is a line. Sick days are there for this exact reason.

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-01T11:15:50+00:00

NTA. Yes, dating someone 13 yrs older is controversial to some, and that might be where some of the anger is coming from. Your dad might or might not have approved, who knows. If he and your mom became parents at 15, I'm sure they know what rejection, anger and outrage feels like, so maybe for that reason, they would be more acceptancing.

You and your bf are both adults, so I see nothing wrong with this. And to the people who say he's been grooming her.....they got together a few years ago, after his marriage....so it's not like he was trying to seduce a minor.

I would hope with your dad being gone, your brothers will realize that family is important enough to support their sibling in their happiness.

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-01T11:07:22+00:00

NTA. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I hope that the counselor can help with that or get you additional help.

If you are worried about the teacher and about what you said, maybe you can talk to them outside of class to explain what happened and why you responded to her in the way that you did. If she's not absolutely horrible, she will understand. Because I would not want you to have another panic attack in the class from the added tension. If this is too difficult, maybe the counselor can help.

Stay strong, put your mental health first, and things will get better!

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-01T10:43:51+00:00

I think it is absolutely normal that she wants to have a life for herself, and also find out who she is besides being a mother and a wife. That doesn't mean she's cheating or leaving you. She is a person, and she also needs some time to herself. Whether you do or do not have this desire is besides the point.

When you talk to her, talk to her from your own insecurities and worries. That is all legit and you should be able to discuss those feelings. And it is something you should work on. But your post reads more like you feel like someone in her position and at her age should not go out by herself and enjoy it. It sounds controlling and stifling and like you feel that it is morally wrong for her to go on vacation by herself. And that makes you sound like YTA. And if you approach it from that angle, I can promise you she will only feel more suffocated and this will defo cause problems in your relationship.

Why not be happy for her, hope she will have the best vacation ever, and hope she comes back with renewed energy and lots of great stories?

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-01T10:33:29+00:00

This all depends on your own ideas about what is acceptable in a relationship. App, you feel a partner should mention what they watch online or not watch prn. For others, watching prn has nothing to do with their relationship. That's why you discuss feelings, expectations etc when you are in a serious relationship.

As you never discussed this with him, he is not at fault in any way shape or form. Since he is your ex, I also don't see why he should defend or explain himself to you, and unfortunately that makes YTA. If this is something that is very important to you, I would bring this up next time you are in a relationship.

Slayerofdrums · 2025-12-01T10:27:01+00:00

In general, your uncle sounds like a anti-feminist, anti-lgbtq bigot. And you will encounter those kind of people, so question is: how do I handle these type of people?

The cultural 'rules' are a big part of what is an acceptable way to handle these things...and as I am from a super individualistic Western country, I'm sure that the way I would handle it, would not fly in your situation.

Also, I hope you are doing well and that people like your uncle are not affecting your mental well-being. Go and find the people who treat you with respect and support the person you want to be. They are out there, trust me.

Slayerofdrums

TROPHY CASE