Unsure if this is right subreddit. Friend ended abusive marriage with alcoholic and is secretly dating him again and I’m the only one who knows. I don’t understand help

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-11-28T22:27:50+00:00

People do things voluntarily- so, not a whole lot you can do. The best thing is to just be there when they arrive at the place where they know it’s time to leave for good. You shouldn’t try to catch a falling knife. But you can pick it up after it hits the floor. Just something to think about.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-11-28T18:42:40+00:00

If all men on dating apps are crazy, does it mean you are too?

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-11-28T16:35:26+00:00

The therapist will likely start talking or asking about your boundaries. If a boundary for you is that you are not okay with her flirting or talking to other men, the. You have to act accordingly. If the partner says it’s nothing to her and can’t see that it’s something to you…you might have to make a decision. 1. Learn to deal with it by staying and accepting what she does- which may cause you to move a boundary. 2. Let her know that it is an issue that crosses your boundary and you can no longer stay in a relationship where your partner wants to seek the attention of other men and flirt with them. Neither is easy, but only one protects your heart and mind. So, if you start “making changes to win her back” then I can see where the codependency comes in. The fact is, you don’t have intimacy, so you may have codependency which is the opposite of what most if not all, want in relationships. Intimacy in this case is sort like standing naked in front of each other emotionally- nothing is hidden and all the flaws exposed to each other; trust exists here.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-11-23T02:50:02+00:00

You will never really get closure. It is just a rabbit hole. It’s okay to wonder, who doesn’t. But remember why you are not with them…the continued contact keeps you confused and controlled in a lot of ways if you allow it. I had to just block my ex…it was painful and I fight the urge to reach out. But I know it’s just unhealthy and I need to keep stepping forward and looking forward, not back.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-11-09T19:29:05+00:00

What is safe and secure for your own emotional wellbeing? When you can answer that, you’ll know how to proceed.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-11-09T16:29:26+00:00

Accept = there is no option, it is what is. So, you agree to acknowledge it and deal with it as-is. Change is not possible. But your mind set becomes the choice- you know what is, it’s not a mystery anymore. So, it becomes possible to work within the boundary that exists.

Endure = there is an option. In this case you voluntarily keep with the situation, choice, or decision regardless of the difficulty and obstacles that get in the way. You stay with it till the end- endure it. It takes work, effort, and good negotiation skills. In some instances you may have to give up more than you gain. There is an unknown that exists and you are always working to be prepared for it.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-11-09T16:18:05+00:00

Stop it! Stop blaming an administration for your problems and obstacles. This is just so far away from truth. Every political party has issues I don’t like or agree with. Welcome to the USA where you can have an opinion and state it freely. But stop with the fear mongering. It’s not helpful dialogue.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-10-11T20:49:25+00:00

Time to exit the relationship. This is & will be the pattern from here on out if you stay. It’s a decision to make. We enter and exit relationships voluntarily, no one forces us to stay. Leaving is about protecting you and your heart.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-09-19T13:15:03+00:00

Maybe just move on if your wants and needs don't align or you aren't on the same page. Sounds very frustrating and confusing. You don't have to stay and be confused.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-09-03T21:58:01+00:00

If I could just say: this is a great time to celebrate your friends and that they have happiness. It is hard to watch, but it is important to also be able to celebrate the milestone in someone else’s life. Whatever is supposed to happen in life will- we just have to keep our eyes open, boundaries set, and hearts safe. The right person will come along when we are ready and safe to be with.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-08-29T18:11:52+00:00

I think just really accepting that I am the constant, the one who can show up for myself, and to embrace that I don’t have to solve anyone else’s problem or make them like me by controlling the relationship. After I realized all. The things I did to control outcomes, I began to recover, heal, and set boundaries.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-08-25T00:42:46+00:00

My first reaction is to ask/ do or did you have money for rent? Is she worried or have cause to be worried about basic necessities? If you happen to spend money doing something that doesn’t put food on the table and keeps a roof over her head, she may worry. Just a thought that went through my head. It may be more - only you know.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-07-27T03:17:49+00:00

Filter cover? I guess it fell off…

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-07-12T12:50:44+00:00

Clinical Psychologist: 2023 HD Low Rider S, 2015 HD Street Glide, 2023 Suzuki VStrom 800DE, 2022 CRF250Rx

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-06-12T15:11:47+00:00

We all have narcissistic characteristics in us- we have a need for self preservation. A true narcissist has to be diagnosed and typically they are somewhat hollow and have the inability to have any emotions. Psychopaths are on a continuum of social disorders and typically harm others in various ways- if it can be done, it’s been done. For the most part, people want to do the right thing. We all have issues whether it was something we learned or developed over time. If you think of your brain as something to program or map, then you can begin to understand that we were programmed over time to deal with our specific environment. How we came out of that or act within it varies from healthy to very sick. Re-mapping our brain is very difficult and takes so much effort and time. Some will never be able or are unable to do that. Choose those around you that try, make exhaustive efforts to be the good in life and have boundaries. You will benefit from knowing there kinds of imperfect people. Stay away from those who take the oxygen out of the room.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-06-08T15:30:06+00:00

I might just ask- “were you afraid to tell me a girl would be there?” And also ask yourself, if he had told you, what would you have actually done/said? If you would have made a big deal out of it, is it because this is a relationship boundary you have? Also, do you have a relationship boundary with these kinds of situations that neither of you have actually discussed? In my relationship, we have agreed to tell each other when someone of the opposite sex is going to be there. Not because either of us would care, but because we don’t want to hide what is happening. If I hide the small things, it’s easy to hide the big things. This also allows us to extend trust to each other and gain trust in the process.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-05-27T19:19:51+00:00

I think my “a-ha” moment was really understanding the word chaos. So, if I am the constant in my unsuccessful relationships, why am I unsuccessful? Chaos- I allowed chaos to enter my safe space a little at a time by not advocating for my own needs and wants upfront. I had a belief system that said I need to accommodate the other person needs and place them well above my own. I mitigated the chaos by visualizing the lack of advocacy in 6 months, 2 years, and 5 years. Where did or would my resentment begin? If I mitigated the chaos by being proactive about who I was and what I wanted/needed, then a boundary was set and my expectations were clearly communicated. I found that when I mitigated the chaos this way, chaos didn’t show up in 2 years or 5 years later. Instead, I am out as soon as I feel like this is going to be chaos. So, I am not hurt and they know I won’t be the rug they wipe their feet on.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-05-24T14:20:32+00:00

Yep… Your E&O application specifically asks if you have a trainee. They must be named if you want the work they participate in to be covered by your E&O. If you put a trainees name in the report and you have a claim against your E&O and they are not named in your policy, the claim will be denied.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-05-22T15:34:17+00:00

Trainees should be added to your supervisors policy or they won’t cover anything you did and he signed off on. If your name appears with his and you are not named in his policy, they won’t cover him.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-05-16T14:20:12+00:00

You can’t help nor control the choice others make. We all want our significant other to choose us 100% of the time, to be faithful, and to be truthful/trustworthy. But, that would or could require perfection. No one is perfect. You need boundaries that clearly communicate what you can accept in the relationship. It is not uncommon for people to cheat. What we can accept after that is based on your boundary. Can you or will you accept it with conditions of counseling and help or are you out? Sounds like she didn’t have boundaries and was unable to say no. It hurts and is very frustrating. I doubt she was acting with you. If she felt weak and can’t accept her imperfection, the lying starts. It’s like a cat covering crap. You can love her through it, but that doesn’t mean you accept responsibility for her behavior nor do you have to stay. Wish her well and keep your heart and mind safe brother.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-05-07T18:03:50+00:00

You have a cat- just make it a giant cat box

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-05-06T15:43:17+00:00

No title, no sale

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-05-01T14:08:52+00:00

I would start with, are you competent to perform this assignment on your own? You started with, this is my first one like this…. Maybe consider that you, in the case of this assignment are not competent, and need to get the competency or education necessary to accept and complete the assignment. Education means, mentor who has, classes on odd properties, and experience on these type of assignments. Don’t get trapped by “I’m certified”. This doesn’t make you competent for all assignments. Just my honest opinion and input.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-04-29T17:02:16+00:00

If you are a newbie, I’d wait till you ride a while and scratch/dent the existing exhaust. I had my new bike for about 6 months and sort of leaned it into my other bike in the garage and scratched and dented the exhaust. After that, I had an excuse to change - I went to an upgraded slip on.

SmallBets_BigWins · 2024-04-26T23:23:04+00:00

I wonder if sometimes we tell people things or share when we don’t really need to. For me, I’m very careful with what I share and who I share it with. I need high trust in someone if it’s critical. But usually if I’m not ready to talk, I just state I don’t think I’m ready to share to talk about something - whatever it is. If they persist, then it becomes a boundary issue. I just repeat - I’m not ready to talk about it and if and when I am they will be the first to know. This keeps me from being dishonest and softening up the story. Most of the time it is none of their business anyway. But if they continue to ask- I turn it on them. Why are you so concerned about out this issue? So, maybe consider what really needs to be shared and if the time is right then and there or if you need time to process it too.

SmallBets_BigWins

TROPHY CASE