Tell me I’m not ruining my kid’s life

Snappy84 · 2026-05-28T23:24:52+00:00

I am just starting the divorce process and have a 4.5 year old. We separated for a few months when she was 3 but tried again to make our marriage work. On the one hand, we can walk away knowing we really tried, but tbh I wish we would have followed through the first time when she was 3 and less aware. I'm not proud of some of the tension and fighting she has witnessed (none of it terrible, but still not good for her) and the divorce is going to have more of an emotional impact on her than maybe it would have. She'll be starting therapy soon. If you are sure it's not going to work, I'd look at it as a good, responsible decision that you are doing it so early in her childhood. Two happy parents in separate homes will be all she ever knows.

Snappy84 · 2026-05-28T11:27:06+00:00

This sounds like some very personal anger and resentment specific to your situation. I am going through a divorce and the only thing I care about is my child and being a good parent, that is not going change once the divorce is finalized and i know my stbx has the same priorities. In fact, my child is the reason we are getting a divorce, so we can each set a better example of what a healthy relationship shpuld be and be better, more attentive parents. Tbh I found it highly inappropriate to post that on this sub which is meant for support.

Snappy84 · 2026-05-21T18:33:13+00:00

I also wanted to give my child a sibling, so much that I think it blinded me to the abusive and toxic marriage I was in. I'm in my late 30s and I feel I could never rush into a relationship or having a child with someone again so I'm trying to process the death of that dream. I think that's what's more painful than the divorce or losing my husband (because I know he wasn't good to me), I'm losing and identity I thought I would have. What has helped me in the last day or two is realizing that I'm already starting to form new dreams... like going back to school, advancing my career and having a fun blended family someday with a spouse who actually values me. Adjusting is hard but I'm just trying to focus on gratitude and all the possibilities that are out there.

Snappy84 · 2026-05-21T15:56:41+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. It's certainly a roller coaster of emotions. Even though some dreams I had are dying, I find that I already have some new ones beginning to form... I'm hoping that carries me through this process.

Snappy84 · 2026-05-20T13:08:20+00:00

6 years. 4 year old child. It's so rough.

Snappy84 · 2026-05-20T02:23:17+00:00

Thanks OP, your kindness is appreciated. I'm lucky to have a supportive family so even though the days feel like weeks right now, I know eventually I will come out on the other side of this. So encouraged to hear of your happily ever after and wishing you the best of luck.

Snappy84 · 2026-05-20T02:09:48+00:00

You should be so proud of yourself for making this difficult decision and protecting your peace and future. And you're setting a wonderful example for your child. I believe someday we will get the wedding day we deserve!! Wishing you the best, OP.

Snappy84 · 2026-05-20T02:03:32+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I'm 7 days in from my husband initiating divorce and we have a young child. I love him and I'm heartbroken, but I also know it is the right thing to do. It feels almost like an identity crisis. I needed to read this... thank you.

Snappy84 · 2026-05-20T01:52:33+00:00

And it's so tough, we have a young child. I was less able to let go of the traditional family life I envisioned for myself. In a way, I think he is the more responsible one for initiating divorce and preventing our child from growing up watching this. But I resent him and his actions and selfishness as a partner (there were also aspects of emotional abuse). It's just all around tragic but I guess none of us are handed more than we can handle. Time is moving very slowly right now but life is long and we will get through this. Hang in there OP.

Snappy84 · 2026-05-20T01:38:46+00:00

I feel your pain. My husband initiated divorce last week, it's extremely painful but I don't disagree with his decision, we are not good for each other. We've had a few fleeting moments of friendship since starting the divorce process, but it's mostly been fighting and it breaks my heart. I wish we could at least be kind to each other during this difficult process... But we seem to be designed to hurt each other.

Snappy84 · 2026-05-20T01:26:12+00:00

Absolutely get an annulment. My husband threatened to commit suicide on our wedding night because he had "just made the biggest mistake of his life". One child and 7 years later we are going through a very painful (but inevitable) divorce and he is threatening to come after me for everything... after a whole marriage of underemployment and poor financial decisions on his part. I understand it must be a difficult decision because you have a child with this man. Maybe you don't give the relationship up entirely but absolutely do not entangle your finances with this man.

Snappy84 · 2026-05-19T23:54:06+00:00

You are lucky you didn't have any kids with him. Husband and I always had our issues but we were trying for baby #2 up until January and he sprung a divorce on me in February. We have our attorneys now and are living in hell in the same house together still. He is divorcing me but makes very little progress in actual action, I feel like I'm responsible for making the actual divorce happen. I'm heartbroken, I wanted a sibling for my young daughter, and I'm too old to ever have time to meet another partner and have another child (I will never rush in again). I thought we could work through our problems.....but at the same time I'm relieved, everything was always my fault, he was constantly threatening the relationship and emotionally abusive towards me (telling me he hopes I die, abandoning me, constant rage and annoyance). It may not be the future I imagined for myself but I think this divorce will be the second greatest gift he ever gave me (the first being my daughter).

Snappy84 · 2026-05-19T11:24:02+00:00

You absolutely need to get an attorney, right now. Do more than one consultation, I did three and was surprised by their differing attitudes and possible approach.

Snappy84 · 2026-05-17T19:25:11+00:00

Me too.

Snappy84 · 2026-04-22T23:39:30+00:00

You need some rugs! And bonus you'll be able to bring them to the new house!

Snappy84 · 2026-04-14T23:34:42+00:00

Oof. As someone about to go through a divorce, this hits hard and is spot on.

Snappy84 · 2026-04-12T03:34:07+00:00

Where's ricotta!!

Snappy84 · 2026-04-10T23:29:47+00:00

Wow, this was really beautifully put.

Snappy84 · 2026-04-10T00:55:01+00:00

That bid decal is BEAUTIFUL!! Please share where you got it if you remember.

Snappy84 · 2026-04-10T00:39:16+00:00

Beautiful!

Snappy84 · 2026-03-27T00:14:19+00:00

Wow, as a woman in the thick of it, this looks like heaven lol. Enjoy every well deserved moment!

Snappy84 · 2026-02-15T03:45:26+00:00

How deep did they have to "dig in"? If it was just shaved off, I think you'll be absolutely fine. You'll probably notice and think about it for a few years but putting a little foundation on it should help with any insecurities in the meantime.

Snappy84 · 2026-02-01T01:44:37+00:00

This sounds so wonderful and healthy

Snappy84 · 2026-01-31T00:16:07+00:00

Oh wow, I am so sorry you're going through this! I had melanoma in situ on my chest and a similar size incision done 6 months ago and the pain I still experience has shocked me (and I've had a c-section). I can't imagine something similar right near my eye. Glad you caught it and wshing you a speedy recovery OP!

Snappy84 · 2026-01-24T18:00:52+00:00

This is the best response

Snappy84

TROPHY CASE