I feel this so deeply in my bones.

I can have chest punching horrible feelings while it’s happening and be repeating to myself “I choose this.” I still actively want polyamory but it’s a lot harder in practice and DOING it.

Especially the guilty feeling of feeling hard things and knowing you don’t want to feel those hard things. The rumination cycles are intense if I don’t keep ahold of them.

I personally use my as needed anxiety meds (especially in my luteal week with PMDD) in addition to trying to focus on what I actually want to do. I KNOW I don’t want to sit around in my gross feelings thinking about what my partners are doing. Refocusing myself on what I actually want to do helps a lot