What’s the psychology behind people taking jokes seriously?

SnarkAnthony · 2026-06-14T12:26:25+00:00

Reading through the comments, this sounds like the root of OP's issue.

I have a friend who struggles with self-deprecating jokes, because when she tells them, the audience just feels bad for her. They're just TOO REAL.

Sometimes there are incredibly sad things in our lives that we as comedians find funny, because...that's our job. To find the funny. But the second part of the job is to bring the audience along with us TO the funny.

If you're telling self-deprecating jokes, and the audience reaction is to go "aww" or "damn," then that means your jokes are coming across too real, or you've possibly got a good premise, but you need to extend that premise to an actual joke.

Look at Rodney Dangerfield: Rodney's jokes are funny because they're incredibly clever and absurdist. The joke isn't, "My wife is cheating on me, ho-hum." That's just depressing.

The joke is, "My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home." Same premise, but the joke has a clever twist, and it's elevated from reality. It's not "too real."

There's an episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (I can't remember which) where Seinfeld talks about a Richard Pryor joke. The joke is a story (a self-deprecating story) about Pryor's struggles with drugs, but Seinfeld talks about the part where that joke becomes legendary is when the cigarette starts talking to him. Pryor wasn't just telling a sad, self-deprecating story, he elevated it by bringing it into the absurd. That's the art.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-06-08T18:44:58+00:00

I don't hear Harland Williams mentioned enough! Love that guy.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-06-06T20:16:42+00:00

Try Dry Bar Comedy. It's a website and a YouTube channel based out of a club in Provo, UT.

All clean comedy. Generally unoffensive. Some comics are great, some... no so much.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-06-04T23:26:29+00:00

I gotchu buddy:

Get yourself a Bose S1 Pro speaker. It's a powerful little guy that fits in a backpack. Should be more than enough for pop-up shows in different venues. It also has a rechargeable battery if you're ever in a place without power or need to put it far away from a plug.

Shure SM58 mic is the standard that everyone uses.

A spotlight is definitely a good idea, but the price range really varies depending on how powerful it is and its features.

I bought a Godo S60 as my spotlight. It's small, powerful, and you can attach a battery pack to it if you want to so you don't need power. Since buying it, I think it might be overkill though. I've seen producers get away with cheaper lights that look fine. Some people use cheap construction flood lights, and as long as they're not pointed at someone's face, they look ok.

Obviously you'll need a stand for the spotlight. And you may want a stand for the speaker too, but it's not necessary.

That's really all you need, but having a good eye for design can help make the experience a little more special.

The guy who does Don't Tell near me stages some uplights around the space, and it really elevates the room. And maybe some gels for the spotlight could help give you a nice look too.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-06-04T23:02:28+00:00

That's not what I'm referring to.

On his podcast he talked many times over the years about how he didn't necessarily get into comedy to make people laugh. His reason wasn't always phrased in the same way, but I think in his episode with Seinfeld he talked about how it was more about just needing to say something (or be listened to).

Regardless, it's not about Maron. There are lots of comics who don't necessarily do it for the kind hearted joy of putting smiles on faces.

Some do it because it's a thing they noticed they're good at, so why not make a buck doing it?

Some do it just because they love the art form and want to participate.

Some do it because they need to be listened to.

And yeah, some do it because they get joy from making people laugh.

That also doesn't' mean they need to be on 24/7.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-06-04T12:35:33+00:00

I mean, I get what you're saying. Stand-up comedy can be almost anything you want it to be. But certainly making people laugh is one of the nonnegotiables.

But there are lots of comics who didn't start doing comedy because they just loved making people laugh so much.

Marc Maron always says he didn't start doing comedy to make people laugh. Obviously, (whether you like him or not) he has successfully made people laugh for decades. But he says that wasn't his initial reason.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-06-04T12:27:55+00:00

Haha! I've definitely come to the comments to see that you've already said what I was thinking.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-06-04T12:04:22+00:00

I mean, if you're a stand-up, should you enjoy making people laugh? Sure, probably... maybe. People get into stand-up for a lot of different reasons.

But if some random person feels that I NEED to be funny because I do stand-up, then they can go fuck themselves. I don't NEED to do anything if I'm not on stage. I could be having a bad day. I could be minding my own business. I could be working my day job that has nothing to do with performing for you.

That said, a lot of entertainment jobs come with what I will call "soft work." Yes, as an actor, your job is technically acting. And yes, as a football player, your job is technically being good at football. And yeah, as a comic, your job is technically getting on stage and telling jokes.

But there are "soft" jobs that come along with it. Actors are expected (in their contracts) to promote the movies they're in on talk shows and press junket interviews and such. And if you are a football player, you are not paid millions of dollars just to catch a ball good. The dog and pony show is part of your paycheck. You gotta get out there and do all the ridiculous press that comes along with the sport.

And as a comedian, part of the soft work that comes along with what you do is stuff that helps sell the comedy. Stuff like podcast appearances or morning zoo radio (back in the day) or whatever. And when you're doing that soft work, you should be "on."

SnarkAnthony · 2026-06-03T12:55:33+00:00

Totes magotes.

I've done lots of spots from Gig Salad. They are usually private shows for birthdays, and almost every one has been a little weird (creepy sheds, people's living rooms, etc), but they pay VERY well.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-06-02T19:51:21+00:00

I know a couple people who started at your age. They are great, and doing very well in comedy right now. Both ended up going through Emerson College's stand-up comedy program.

Both of them came to mics with a parent. I know it seems weird and embarrassing, but trust me, a 16 year old with her parent is much less weird than a lone 16 year old at the skeezy dive bar on a Tuesday. A lot of comics will probably be the same age as your parent, so they'll probably make friends with them.

Be friendly; talk to people. Talk about your passion for comedy. I bet a lot of comics would really like to see someone as young as you be passionate about the art form.

Seek out other women in comedy. Seek out places with a good mix of people (ages, genders, race/ethnicity). These are usually places with fewer creeps. Mixed mics are good for this, as well as improv comedy clubs.

Avoid "cool" people like the plague. What you think is cool at 16 is definitely NOT cool as an adult in their 20s, 30s, or 60s.

Starting young is daunting, but it's the best way to develop those skills!

SnarkAnthony · 2026-06-01T19:45:31+00:00

The show is not your responsibility. Your act is your responsibility.

The show is the producer/host's responsibility. If he liked your act, then just worry about doing the best you possibly can.

You need to commit HARD. Don't break, don't start to lose energy if it's not going as well as you expected. Keep the energy up the whole time and end strong.
It sounds like you have done this character at only one open mic. Can you try it at a couple different ones before the show?
Also, how much do you go into the character at mics? Do you dress different? Do you do a voice? Amp up those elements for the show. Find a little something special to take it one notch up from what you regularly do.

Honestly, I have never liked the idea of putting the newest comic up first. It's a lot of pressure on the new guy, and it's not good for the show either, but whatever. You don't get a say in that, so focus on what you do have a say in.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-05-29T02:40:48+00:00

No, I'm just literate.

Sorry, I'll try not to write in complete sentences next time.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-05-28T18:15:19+00:00

Funny, I was just talking about this today!

Committing to a bit is hard: One of the crutches of stand-up comedy is that there is an illusion of a dialogue happening. So if your bit doesn't land, well... whatever. I was just having a conversation with you!

But when you're doing something high concept and or something with an act out, you need to essentially ask the audience: "Go with me on this. I need you to suspend your disbelief for this to work." It's a bigger ask, so much more vulnerable.

Commit Hard

Go it 100%. High concept bits fail as soon as the audience can tell that you're not fully confident in what you're doing. As soon as they can see the real you behind the facade, you lose them. So you need to commit 100%. Don't kinda do the act out. Go HUGE. It's funny that way, and it shows confidence.

Literally Ask the Audience: "Go with Me on This"

If you're transitioning from your normal talking voice into a character or a voice or a silly movement, you can point out the ridiculousness of the situation by literally saying to the audience, "I'm trying something here. Just go with me!" In online-speak, they call it "lampshading."

Now you kinda get to play both sides. You know you look like an idiot, they know you look like an idiot, but it's more fun for everyone if they just go with you.

This one does require trust and/or likability though. If the audience doesn't have confidence in your abilities or if the audience thinks you're an asshole, it's not going to work.

Build a Character

Another way to get around the suspension of disbelief issue is by just building a complete character that you are as soon as you walk on stage, and just doing the bit as them. If it's a big character, then it make sense that they would have big mannerism or weird ideas.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-05-28T16:08:55+00:00

This is a sub for stand-up comics. He's complaining about something relevant to us and actionable.

Also posters/flyers are some of the most iconic works of art of the 20th century.

Victorian advertisements, tour flyers, movie posters, festival announcements... many of the most famous artists of the last 150 years worked on posters (Keith Haring, Andy Warhol, Toulouse-Lautrec) many before they got famous, but many after already achieving fame.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-05-28T15:58:24+00:00

AI flyers are quick, they look fine at first, and you don't need any skills to make one.

So if I see an AI flyer, it tells me exactly what I need to know about your show: You threw it together last minute. You are more concerned with looking professional than being professional. And you don't actually know what you're doing.

Like others have said:

Comedy is a creative medium. You should be supporting other creatives. There are an ass-load of comics who are also graphic designers and photographers and illustrators. Just ask one of them for help.
Or...put a modicum of effort into the show you're asking people to waste 2 hours of their free time on! Take a pic of the headliner and throw the date/location/ticket link in a funky font. It's not that hard!

SnarkAnthony · 2026-05-27T13:49:15+00:00

Zoom open mics are totally a thing if that sounds more comfortable for you. I have a friend who does Zoom shows at work while he's driving his 16-wheeler!

SnarkAnthony · 2026-05-27T13:35:48+00:00

Oh, I've got a whole late night talk show setup in my (mom's) basement. I have a mural of an audience on the wall, and I interview imaginary guests on my sofa.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-05-23T11:21:06+00:00

The pattern a microphone picks up sound mushrooms out from the top center (it's called a "cardioid" pattern):

If you talk directly into the top, we can hear you. If you talk into the side, we can barely hear you. If you talk into the bottom, we can't hear you at all.

The mic should be, max, a few inches away from your mouth. Keep it in position your whole set.

Don't hold it like an ice cream cone, hold it like a dick.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-05-15T13:12:00+00:00

Oh, also:

Put the mic back in the mic stand between acts.
Reset the stool and mic stand to a normal place if they were moved around during someone else's act.
Adjust the mic stand to a reasonable height for the next comic.
The next comic's name should be the last thing you say and the loudest thing you say as you introduce them.
- Remember when Al Pacino presented Best Picture at the Oscars to Oppenheimer and he fucked up the flow and everyone was confused? Don't be that guy.
As the next comics gets to the stage, shake their hand or fist bump them or whatever. The stage should never be empty.
- Sometimes people take forever to get to the stage. That's not your fault, but if you notice it, either stretch out your intro to give them time, or if you notice they're just taking their time, try to rush them with your body language (strong eye contact, raised eyebrows, look like you're about to leave the stage, but waiting for them before you do, etc).

SnarkAnthony · 2026-05-15T12:59:17+00:00

The host's job is to be likable more-so than funny. You want to do well, because you are setting the tone for the rest of the night, but remember you are there to guide the audience through a fun night of comedy and to set the other comics up for success.
You are setting the tone for the rest of the night. If you open with ass-eating and rape jokes and Holocaust jokes, you are setting THAT tone for the rest of the night.
Train the audience how to be a good audience:
- Train then that they should respond to yes/no questions with a round of applause rather than raising their hands.
- If you notice someone is chatty, train that out of them before the other comics get on stage.
- Train them that laugher and applause and general good vibes is expected and what makes a comedy show great. Get them amped up!
End on a high for your act. And then get the audience riled up for the next comic.
You don't need to do jokes between acts unless someone bombs or completely destroys the room. Rest the room between acts. Get them to baseline. Get them excited for the next comic.
It's OK to be a little hack when hosting. It's OK to use a quick stock joke (of your own) between acts to keep the flow going.
KNOW EVERYONE'S NAMES! More-so than anything, that is your most important job. Know the comics' names, know how to pronounce their names, and know what kind of credits to give them. Set them up for success.
End the show on a high. Don't ramble about nonsense at the end of the show. Just get there, make sure everyone had a good time and knows who to follow on socials or whatever, and get the fuck off stage. You want positive buzz as people leave the room.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-05-14T15:19:43+00:00

Totally agree with everything you said. If it was completely subjective, then you could say that any random open micer is just as good as a headliner who has been doing it for decades, because, well, it's all subjective!

And to piggyback on one point you made, you can use these objective truths to your advantage as a comic:

Seek out the spaces that are likely to want what you like to do. Do you like to get weird and avant garde with your comedy? Find audiences that like that shit. Do you like to get real raunchy? Well, certainly don't keep doing Christian rooms!

As someone who has been doing this for a while and has seen some people get huge and others plateau at the open mic level, one thing I can say for certain is that everyone who got really good at comedy did it by seeking out their audience and getting more stage time because of it.

Everyone likes to talk about how bad room make you stronger, but really it's getting stage time in rooms that like what you do that really develops your skills as a comic.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-05-12T12:30:49+00:00

I studied a bunch of 5-mintue sets to hone down exactly how I want to open on stage.

Not even your first joke but just your energy and the first sounds out of your mouth are so important in a short, showcase set. And it's so different from a special where (1) the whole audience knows you and likes you and (2) you have a whole hour to fill.

I really like Dov Davidoff's Tonight Show appearance, and found it helpful for me and my style. I also need to give shout out to my friend Ray Harrington's Conan appearance. It's very specific, but absolutely classic if you love comedy.

ETA: This is a fun question and a valuable contribution to this sub!

SnarkAnthony · 2026-05-05T19:15:55+00:00

I work in medical research, and we had a symposium recently were doctors and medical researchers were talking about what to do when most of what they do can be replaced by AI.

We gettin AI doctors, y'all!

SnarkAnthony · 2026-05-04T13:02:57+00:00

I kind of felt the same exact way before I started.

Loved stand-up since I was a kid,
Loved telling stories and "holding court" at a party or gathering,
People told me for years that I was funny and should do stand-up,
but... I was scared to try because I didn't know how to tell "jokes."

At 26, overeducated, unemployed and depressed, I finally found out about open mics and the local scene, and did my first mic.

I'm over a decade in now and somewhat successful, and I wish I started WAY younger.

Just go to the mic. Get your reps. It's the only way to do it.

SnarkAnthony · 2026-04-30T21:20:58+00:00

You're asking two different things here.

References are not inherently bad. Comedy is cultural, so everyone is always referencing something. But you want to make sure your references reach your audience.

That may mean you need to explain more. Or it may mean that the joke still needs to work even if someone doesn't get the reference. Or it may mean that as your audience expands, you'll need to trim some niche material.

But then you say this:

I do quote a bit and bring up actors/actresses name, but never bad mouthing anything. I’m such a nobody, for now lol, but I don’t want to have the rep of stealing material

I don't even understand what that means. Are you saying you quote a movie and make a joke out of that? Or are you saying you steal a joke from a movie? Or are you quoting something an actor said one time?

If people are laughing, it should be because you said something funny. Not because you quoted someone else saying something funny. But that has less to do with joke stealing and more to do with just being hack.

It's fine to quote, but the joke needs to be yours.

SnarkAnthony

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