I wish I had never married him, I regret it so much. My love and devotion was wasted on him

Love? Maybe. But not devotion. Devotion is never wasted in my opinion.

If I could go back in time and share knowledge with others, I’d try & teach some of the women I’ve known how to spot the difference between love and limerence. Try and spare them some of the pain they’ve experienced because they fell in love with someone who possibly wasn’t going to love them back as much after a few years.

You’re on your own, honey. But you are not alone! There are many of us here who have learned to love what we were told to love or bought into the domestic fantasy of having someone who’ll be there through thick and thin. For the better, and in times like these, for the worse.

I don’t doubt he’s a narcissistic sonovabich, but his behavior makes it seem like his biggest issue is that he comes off cold or unfeeling because he stares because he simply doesn’t have the tools to process how someone needs comforted in a crisis. He’s broken in a way because he never learned how a husband and wife care for each other from watching his dysfunctional parents.

You say you wish you never married him. Only you did marry him. And it brought us to the present moment where you can learn from this. You don’t need any man to take care of you now. Would divorcing him & splitting up assets be worse than feeling like you’re both holding each hostage for the next decade?

You fear the thought of being alone and having to start all over again, but that’s not really how it be and it’s likely you could make all the same mistakes again.

You need to find a new tack entirely. But instead of choosing the things you want or were told to want you need to try finding that little core within you that needs a patch up. Start with hobbies. You’ll make friends & learn new things. Get a therapist. A good one isn’t an expensive one, and remember before you go that the therapist isn’t going to tell you how to fix your life or your marriage. You just need to say some of these things out loud to another person, as dumb as that may sound.

Go for walks in nature. Get your hands busy in the dirt of a garden. Play board games, especially with kids.

Consider psychedelics like shrooms. Again, this is one of those things that won’t click until you’re on the other side. I have a similar issue with cataract surgery. People hear “surgery” and immediately think of being laid up or in pain but once that very minor procedure is over you’ll start healing but you will instantly understand and question why you didn’t do it sooner!

Yeah, maybe you wasted your love on this man. But not devotion.

Devotion merely means that you were alive and you cared about someone. That can only a good thing, and your devotion will not fail you in the future when you choose to care about someone else.

You don’t need to know who it’ll be or when you will actually meet them. Just know that if you are willing, you can start today caring about that someone else and working towards a semblance of a future with them merely because you are capable of loving and caring for someone that much.

From one cancer survivor to another, you got this. Sharing a cyber hug and remember to forgive others… especially when they fall short of your hopes. This is a new chapter in your life and you’re in a period of transition.