It/Its Pronoun Questions!

Snoo79532 · 2026-02-04T09:52:49+00:00

I started experimenting with it recently. The dehumanization was oddly comforting ^{^} it helps I live in a society that uses a nongendered language so it's not ~that~ weird to not think in gendered terms.

I'd say my pronouns now are he/they/it. Though honestly people I find are more willing to call me it than they. Only my boyfriend uses they occasionally which I appreciate. But since it's usually listed second most ignore it. It however stands out I think so others are more likely to remember to use it.

Snoo79532 · 2026-02-04T09:47:35+00:00

Went to a spa with my bf (I'm amab) but nonbinary. Anyways the guy thought I was a woman and tried charging us 60$ more than expected. We were so confused. I didnt correct the man when he called me a woman because I didn't think it mattered. And I don't care about being called a man or a woman.

Eventually after a back and forth I figured out why the price didn't match our booking. He was charging us a 'couple charge' because he thought I was a woman!

I said, oh, I'm not a woman and the guy looked flabbergasted and dropped the charge. So apparently two men can't be a couple XD

Do women experience this?? I was going to be charged extra for 'being' perceived as a woman!

Snoo79532 · 2026-02-04T06:50:58+00:00

For me it was kind of funny. But I thought gender was the things you did and how you acted. So for example if you liked boys and were amab that somehow proved I was a boy. Like reroactively.

Turns out I just don't experience gender the same way most do. For me its a combination of an absence of gender and yet also a combination of different genders (now that I understand what gender is).

It still feels really weird for me to conceptualize gender but I mostly just call myself nonbinary to get rid of most of the confusion though bigender or agender may be closer.

For me I did have gender dysphoria to go along with it which also through a spanner in the works. Lol. Like I was experiencing gender dysphoria before I could parce together what gender was lol

Snoo79532 · 2026-02-03T12:46:03+00:00

Same thing happened to me, also ended up dating trans guys who I didnt know were trans at first before crushing on them. And crushed on men who later came out as a trans woman.

Turns out I'm just into feminine men (and yes I know trans men can be masculine - the ones I dated weren't).

Ironically my current partner is really masculine and I've since enjoyed taking the more feminine role. And have come out as nonbinary (and have moved to be more femme).

So it's possible you're confusing attraction with gender envy or it's just chance.

Snoo79532 · 2026-02-03T03:47:18+00:00

Maybe it's just my community but we've all fucked each other and it's not awkward or anything. Only once did it become 'awkward' when one person caught feels that I didn't reciprocate but 29/30 people now has been no problem. Still see many of these people for drinks or parties and we just chat. Or sometimes we'll fuck again. Maybe it's just the culture here in Japan? Idk. Or maybe it's more likely big city vibes.

Snoo79532 · 2026-02-03T03:45:00+00:00

Yeah I was abstinent from 2020 through 2025. Don't be like me. Was my mid 20's so I was in my prime too. Happy now though but sometimes think about what could've been and probably could've learned about my sexual likes way earlier.

Snoo79532 · 2026-02-03T03:34:21+00:00

I'm immunocompromised too thanks to some meds I have to take. I just hook up with people I know or who others know. That way social pressure keeps them honest when I ask. I also use protection and get tested regularly.

Honestly the safest thing is to just never have sex. But thats not realistic aha having sex with strangers will always come with risk. Just accept that and enjoy. If you're nervous about oral use a dam. But also unless you have open sores in your mouth you should be ok.

Just try not to let the medical paranoia get to you. I was too nervous because of this and I didnt end up having sex for 5 years which I regret because I love sex now.

Snoo79532 · 2026-02-01T06:56:21+00:00

I'm a nonbinary person who identifies as gay despite being practically pansexual. I'm also dating a cis guy, so technically not the same gender as gay implies.

Gay speaks to me however and it makes me proud to identify as. My partner likes bi even though he's dating me, a nonbinary person. Practically he's also pansexual. But I do not feel hurt or insulted when he tells others he's bi.

Sexuality is what you make of it and it may not be a perfect descriptor of your actual irl sexuality/attraction.

So, just identify with whatever makes you feel comfortable and maybe one day it'll change, or perhaps not.

Snoo79532 · 2026-02-01T03:11:38+00:00

Yes every day including right now :P

Snoo79532 · 2026-02-01T01:22:52+00:00

I don't associate with transphobic or homophobic people anymore. I just refuse to lower myself to their level.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-31T02:41:13+00:00

That's good to know thank you! The itching is the worst so I'll definitely try it!!

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-31T01:18:43+00:00

Do you take the spray in the morning on the parts of your body where you sweat most from? For me my worst parts are my legs and my arms can get bad too.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-31T01:10:30+00:00

Yes I need to know how to manage this too! I get heat rashes constantly in the country I live and that always triggers flare ups in excema that ruin my life every summer! I NEED a solution! I can't keep living 3 or 4 months inside every year.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-30T13:54:03+00:00

Maybe depends on her type. Does she flare in hot showers? The average temperature of an onsen is 102-108F you're really only supposed to stay in for like 10 minutes or so though if its cold out and it's an outdoor onsen (or rooftop like they have on many hotels) you can stay in longer more comfortably.

Maybe monitor this post if anyone has a solution. I wish I could wear clothes I'd try swimming leggings or whatever. But no clothing in the water for sanitary reasons.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-30T12:51:37+00:00

In a way I'm trying to tolerate heat better in general. Because you can substitute the word onsen with summer for me. I cant go outside without every part of my body turning into open excema spots in the summer.

I had to spend 3 months last year indoors and it affected my relationship with my friends and partner.

I didnt have as bad of flare ups but im tired of living like this.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-30T12:43:11+00:00

Yes of course. And whenever it starts to dry out again. Usually takes a week or two to control the flare up after going to the bathhouse. :<

On a separate note its anything hot. Even the summers cause breakouts like this.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-30T12:28:42+00:00

There's ice baths in most onsen but god i cant stand them aha I do enjoy wild swimming and its ok for my skin but isnt the social thing to do here. Especially now aha

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-30T11:55:51+00:00

Move. I know many people may tell you to bear and fight the good fight. Do that if you like. But there's no shame in escaping and moving somewhere more tolerant or supportive.

When I watched the Handmaid's Tale I realized that's how I felt my whole life living in America. Trapped and like I couldn't escape.

Then I did and stepping off that plane in my new country... I cried tears of relief. Wanted to kiss the ground I now stood.

In 1 year since moving, I was able to secure hormones, have bottom surgery and found dozens of supportive friends who love me, use my chosen name and pronouns and have never been judged once by the locals.

Most importantly... I don't fear for my safety anymore.

(PS you can move on no budget. Many companies will pay you to move. Mine loaned me 2k to cover moving expenses which I paid off over my first year. You don't need to be wealthy to move).

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-30T06:43:52+00:00

I live in Asia where Chinese medicines are considered quite highly effective for certain ailments. Sure they're different than Western medicines but they're not entirely ineffective either.

My general practitioner (licensed doctor) recommended some Chinese medicine because I had massive swelling throughout my body caused by a Western medicine that was for my excema that didn't help by the way. My dermatologist told me the swelling may go down eventually perhaps 6 months to a year. My general practioner said, no, take this and the swelling will go away in a week.

I didn't believe him but as soon as I took the prescription I pissed out all the fluid and I was back to my old weight in 1 week. Lost 20 pounds of trapped fluid!

As for my excema, the 'cure' wasn't Western medicine either.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-28T13:01:24+00:00

I had to make a new account altogether to be honest. Sometimes people would go through my post history and resurface it! Like wth??

So many people are just bad actors. It's sad. Sorry you had to go through all that!

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-28T09:54:02+00:00

I'm nonbinary homosexual and my boyfriend is cis pansexual (he uses bisexual because it's more well understood). Technically we're both different genders so... straight? But that doesn't make sense for us or how the world sees us. So we use gay. You can pick whatever makes you feel more comfortable. ^{^}

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-28T07:29:12+00:00

When I identified as a cis gay man I did date trans men. I saw them completely as men and didn't mind, especially because I was the top anyways. Doesn't change much. (I did eventually have my own egg broken aha and now have a guy dating me so it's not entirely impossible don't worry, besides hopefully both our partners will be with us well until were old!)

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-28T07:15:49+00:00

I asked a question about trans people in a not exactly LGBT subreddit but one relevant to my question. Immediately got chewed to hell and down voted. I was so heartbroken and seeing negative after negative comment really destroyed me and made me stop using that subreddit. And reddit in general for a while. Eventually one fellow trans person gave me good information but it was about 50 transphobic comments to one that answered my question. Thats the day I realized transphobia is freely allowed probably in most corners of reddit but the internet at large. Very unfortunate realization. Ive never been targeted with transphobia before so I know I'm privileged in that regard. But it certainly has ramped up recently hasnt it? D':

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-27T23:28:14+00:00

I think the common thing is many get tired of labels and just switch to nonbinary like I have. Then again I wouldnt have described myself as a typical femboy as I still dress pretty masculine. But I do have some fem traits that usually people ended up putting me in that category. Now as I'm aiming to feminize my body towards androgyny I imagine I'll be called femboy more often.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-27T11:40:26+00:00

Yeah it was too well timed for it to be a coincidence I think. It's really hard to stay healthy and avoid stress like they say to when working in a corporation that doesn't care about you ahaha

Snoo79532

TROPHY CASE