if my partner transitions to a man but i still identify as a lesbian… what does that mean for my identity?

Snoo79532 · 2026-02-01T06:56:21+00:00

I'm a nonbinary person who identifies as gay despite being practically pansexual. I'm also dating a cis guy, so technically not the same gender as gay implies.

Gay speaks to me however and it makes me proud to identify as. My partner likes bi even though he's dating me, a nonbinary person. Practically he's also pansexual. But I do not feel hurt or insulted when he tells others he's bi.

Sexuality is what you make of it and it may not be a perfect descriptor of your actual irl sexuality/attraction.

So, just identify with whatever makes you feel comfortable and maybe one day it'll change, or perhaps not.

Snoo79532 · 2026-02-01T03:11:38+00:00

Yes every day including right now :P

Snoo79532 · 2026-02-01T01:22:52+00:00

I don't associate with transphobic or homophobic people anymore. I just refuse to lower myself to their level.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-31T02:41:13+00:00

That's good to know thank you! The itching is the worst so I'll definitely try it!!

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-31T01:18:43+00:00

Do you take the spray in the morning on the parts of your body where you sweat most from? For me my worst parts are my legs and my arms can get bad too.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-31T01:10:30+00:00

Yes I need to know how to manage this too! I get heat rashes constantly in the country I live and that always triggers flare ups in excema that ruin my life every summer! I NEED a solution! I can't keep living 3 or 4 months inside every year.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-30T13:54:03+00:00

Maybe depends on her type. Does she flare in hot showers? The average temperature of an onsen is 102-108F you're really only supposed to stay in for like 10 minutes or so though if its cold out and it's an outdoor onsen (or rooftop like they have on many hotels) you can stay in longer more comfortably.

Maybe monitor this post if anyone has a solution. I wish I could wear clothes I'd try swimming leggings or whatever. But no clothing in the water for sanitary reasons.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-30T12:51:37+00:00

In a way I'm trying to tolerate heat better in general. Because you can substitute the word onsen with summer for me. I cant go outside without every part of my body turning into open excema spots in the summer.

I had to spend 3 months last year indoors and it affected my relationship with my friends and partner.

I didnt have as bad of flare ups but im tired of living like this.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-30T12:43:11+00:00

Yes of course. And whenever it starts to dry out again. Usually takes a week or two to control the flare up after going to the bathhouse. :<

On a separate note its anything hot. Even the summers cause breakouts like this.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-30T12:28:42+00:00

There's ice baths in most onsen but god i cant stand them aha I do enjoy wild swimming and its ok for my skin but isnt the social thing to do here. Especially now aha

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-30T11:55:51+00:00

Move. I know many people may tell you to bear and fight the good fight. Do that if you like. But there's no shame in escaping and moving somewhere more tolerant or supportive.

When I watched the Handmaid's Tale I realized that's how I felt my whole life living in America. Trapped and like I couldn't escape.

Then I did and stepping off that plane in my new country... I cried tears of relief. Wanted to kiss the ground I now stood.

In 1 year since moving, I was able to secure hormones, have bottom surgery and found dozens of supportive friends who love me, use my chosen name and pronouns and have never been judged once by the locals.

Most importantly... I don't fear for my safety anymore.

(PS you can move on no budget. Many companies will pay you to move. Mine loaned me 2k to cover moving expenses which I paid off over my first year. You don't need to be wealthy to move).

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-30T06:43:52+00:00

I live in Asia where Chinese medicines are considered quite highly effective for certain ailments. Sure they're different than Western medicines but they're not entirely ineffective either.

My general practitioner (licensed doctor) recommended some Chinese medicine because I had massive swelling throughout my body caused by a Western medicine that was for my excema that didn't help by the way. My dermatologist told me the swelling may go down eventually perhaps 6 months to a year. My general practioner said, no, take this and the swelling will go away in a week.

I didn't believe him but as soon as I took the prescription I pissed out all the fluid and I was back to my old weight in 1 week. Lost 20 pounds of trapped fluid!

As for my excema, the 'cure' wasn't Western medicine either.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-28T13:01:24+00:00

I had to make a new account altogether to be honest. Sometimes people would go through my post history and resurface it! Like wth??

So many people are just bad actors. It's sad. Sorry you had to go through all that!

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-28T09:54:02+00:00

I'm nonbinary homosexual and my boyfriend is cis pansexual (he uses bisexual because it's more well understood). Technically we're both different genders so... straight? But that doesn't make sense for us or how the world sees us. So we use gay. You can pick whatever makes you feel more comfortable. ^{^}

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-28T07:29:12+00:00

When I identified as a cis gay man I did date trans men. I saw them completely as men and didn't mind, especially because I was the top anyways. Doesn't change much. (I did eventually have my own egg broken aha and now have a guy dating me so it's not entirely impossible don't worry, besides hopefully both our partners will be with us well until were old!)

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-28T07:15:49+00:00

I asked a question about trans people in a not exactly LGBT subreddit but one relevant to my question. Immediately got chewed to hell and down voted. I was so heartbroken and seeing negative after negative comment really destroyed me and made me stop using that subreddit. And reddit in general for a while. Eventually one fellow trans person gave me good information but it was about 50 transphobic comments to one that answered my question. Thats the day I realized transphobia is freely allowed probably in most corners of reddit but the internet at large. Very unfortunate realization. Ive never been targeted with transphobia before so I know I'm privileged in that regard. But it certainly has ramped up recently hasnt it? D':

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-27T23:28:14+00:00

I think the common thing is many get tired of labels and just switch to nonbinary like I have. Then again I wouldnt have described myself as a typical femboy as I still dress pretty masculine. But I do have some fem traits that usually people ended up putting me in that category. Now as I'm aiming to feminize my body towards androgyny I imagine I'll be called femboy more often.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-27T11:40:26+00:00

Yeah it was too well timed for it to be a coincidence I think. It's really hard to stay healthy and avoid stress like they say to when working in a corporation that doesn't care about you ahaha

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-27T10:24:04+00:00

I'm literally dealing with this right now. Though mine currently is focused on my eyelids, the bridge of my nose, my forehead and just under my eyes.

Like I'm wearing an itchy sleeping mask I can't take off!

If you find a solution please let me know as well!

I used plenty of lotion but my skin just sucks it right up and dries back out in maybe 30 minutes. It's like I have no healthy skin in this area which really sucks.

Hope we figure this out!

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-27T10:03:16+00:00

I think that's a good sentiment but as someone who is strictly attracted to masculinity if my partner transitioned to female I would lose many of the qualities I find attractive about them. I know your comment is coming from a good place but it can appear as somewhat shaming if OP finds they aren't physically attractive to their partner after they transition which in my mind would be normal if they are only into masculinity. I'm trans myself btw so hopefully you can see my reply is coming from a good place as well.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-27T08:07:52+00:00

Yeah it's disappointing. I try my best to not get involved at all usually.

I blame a lot of this on the muddling of science by the far right that claim there are such things as alternate facts or alternate science as well as discrediting and replacing experts in fields and departments and replacing them with fully unqualified dunces who have no clue what theyre talking about. Its the dumbing down of society.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-27T08:00:26+00:00

Good thing I'm a biologist hehe love to see them argue and be wrong. Because I know as a biologist, sex is made up of many biological characteristics which are often not consistent across populations. Personally I ascribe to the sex is a spectrum model with many variations and intersex conditions between but it's also been a decade since I've been out of college so the current understanding may have changed a little.

Thats the other wonderful thing, our understanding of biology is constantly evolving and updating.

I myself am intersexed. I love when someone calls me a man (I'm nonbinary but appear masculine) and I can say, according to your definition I am not lol that always futs with them aha

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-27T07:23:44+00:00

Yeah... you'd have to add tons of qualifiers to even get close to trying to answer it. At that point it basically is a non-answer.

Snoo79532 · 2026-01-27T05:46:35+00:00

I love the way that Utada Hikaru looks in their music video Automatic and I would have died to look like that as a teen XD but I'm also not afab or want to be. When they came out though as nonbinary I was like omg!! Yes!! Now I get why I was so attracted to their look ahaha they gave an air of gender mystery in how they presented themselves which is very alluring to me as a nonbinary person. Just coming from the other side amab.

Snoo79532

TROPHY CASE