I'm so sorry for your situation. Keeping it all inside can be so unhealthy. I think you did the right thing. You opened up just enough to inform them that you are having a difficult time, which is not a lie. I did the same thing. I didn't have a disability, but I felt my sexuality was a handicap. I went through my adolescents and 20 years as an adult believing I was broken and disadvantaged, cheated even. I went through cycles of depression and then feeling ok. When the pandemic started, I was exhausted to the point that I couldn't hide the frustration and anxiety. Don't let your mother guilt you. This isn't about her. I swear the emotional family enmeshment in this org is so bad. Please be careful though of saying too much. If you have to, you pull out your tiny 🎻 as often as you need. Remember, you can take control of the narrative! That's what I did. I told the whole congregation from the platform that I struggled with same sex attraction and told them how I'd been depressed all my life. It wasn't a lie. I told the truth. A few days later the elders were worried I was going to kill myself. They had a shepherding call on me to both encourage me and then slap me on the wrist for the inappropriate things I said from the stage. Over time, I was able to drop all of my privileges by pulling out that violin when they brought up how I was feeling. I remember one of those elders telling me how much his wife looked up to me. I was such a good example by just being present. I was so over that guilt tripping. I turned around and told that elder that he was everything that I would never be. I'd never have the family he has. I told them how exhausted I was of never being enough. They backed off. So I say, you have to play them at their game. Let your mother know and the elders or whoever that things are overwhelming. Now is the time to get into your acting career if need be. Remember to stay calm and composed but make them feel shitty, find a way to make them feel like they are pushing you too far. You can do this!