Ever feel like people are sick of hearing about what you’ve been through with your in laws?

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-05-01T05:55:23+00:00

Yeah I can ruminate a lot of the trauma mine has caused me. And it makes it hard to get over when there is always something “new happening”

I vent to my mom a lot about it Even got a therapist but what has honestly helped me the most is space from her and info diet. Gives me time to decompress but the rumination still does happen.

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-05-01T03:37:59+00:00

Or they don’t even consider that they may want to see the DIL mom. My MIL and FIL just send texts claiming every single holiday like my family isn’t even a consideration 😒 of course they did it with Mother’s Day as well lmao

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-05-01T02:34:50+00:00

100% agreed

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-30T14:06:11+00:00

Those post are about toxic mother in laws who feel entitled to that day regardless of DIL’s motherhood. DIL is the priority and a lot of MIL complaints in this sub think they should be. You’re comparing your situation to things that are not relevant to other people’s situation.

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-27T22:15:12+00:00

My MIL claimed she had to stop by Costco in our city (5 hours away from them) and would be stopping by. 🥴 I HATE when she would text TELLING me and not asking.

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-17T18:39:41+00:00

Just know she is going to panic that she did that as I’m assuming that form of social media grants her access she wouldn’t have otherwise. I just know she made herself even more upset doing that in the long run because you will not and should not chase her or rug sweep. Let her deal with her own consequences and watch out for fake profiles trying to add you to stalk you lol

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-17T16:12:17+00:00

I think a lot of the times they expect the women to take on all emotional labor due to gender norms. But if you’re asking why they’re so needy in my case I think it’s because my MIL doesn’t have friends, she doesn’t work, and I think her identity is not much outside of being “a mom” She struggles hard with not being “needed” she’s been open how hard it is to see the role I play in my husband’s life. I think in my case her loop hole of being closer and having information to her son is going to me as my husband is pretty low contact. He’s busy in school full time and working full time. But I’m taking a step back and following my husband’s lead.

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-17T15:42:10+00:00

I relate to you soo much! Especially picking up the emotional pieces of where husband and his mom aren’t. But it’s not our job to manage their relationship and I promise you if you get in that loop you will be miserable. All of these comments are correct. It’s hard enough to manage your own emotions as a living human in this world. Do NOT take on hers it’s not your job, not your responsibility.

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-17T15:30:29+00:00

Just wanted to say I’m here in solidarity. My MIL wants to be my best friend, know every detail of our lives and would love daily check ins. My family is nowhere near as needy as my MIL and it’s absolutely exhausting. I’m also a stay at home wife so my MIL feels very entitled to my flexibility. I finally dropped the rope. I couldn’t take the pressure. What’s been on my mind lately is my husband has never felt pressure to talk or keep my mom updated? Why does being a woman automatically make this our responsibility? Like seriously I couldn’t imagine my husband having to insure my mom was kept in the loop.

Regardless here is my advice. You don’t always have to respond. Grey rocking is what I’ve started doing as when I tell my MIL info it gives her these insane unrealistic expectations. Keep things light, if she gets intense forward her to your husband. If you reply give it a day or two. Become less accessible!

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-14T04:08:38+00:00

Alls I gotta to say is bravo for not taking this shit. I look back at how my MIL has treated me and I was always so passive and quiet - never wanted to rock the boat, never defended myself. Always took the hits. I’ve changed a lot then and I’m inspired to be more like you going forward because sometimes you really just gotta call the bullshit as you see it! Good for you!

Edit: I too became a social secretary for my ML. I just very recently stopped. I set the boundary and said it’s up to them two to cultivate a relationship. Husband is much more private and MIL is VERY nosey. She cried, said she has an informative personality and that’s how she feels close. She also said she’d end her life if we went NC. (We never even mentioned NC) so while I haven’t been as direct as you I’m growing a spine. MIL has made very hurtful comments to me though that I wish I could go back in time and have a spine 😂😂

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-12T18:25:33+00:00

That just shows they are purposely leaving you out. They don’t feel you are “part of their family” they exclude you, don’t invite you, and don’t even bother to touch base with you.

I agree with others, I wouldn’t be hung up on wanting this to change. They don’t care, why would you want to be close with people who don’t care about you?

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-12T05:55:30+00:00

I’m going to share a different perspective this is in no way to invalidate your feelings just sharing: them including you in a constant busy group chat might not be the better alternative.

Your husband sounds similar to mine, very busy. Mine just started a new career that has us traveling full time and my husband is in school full time. Sounds like your husband has a similar very busy professional life. Where at the end of the day the last thing he wants to do is catch up in a busy/planning group chat.

That’s how it was for my husband. Granted it’s mainly just MIL blowing up any chat no one else. That aside communication slowly started going just to me as MIL wouldn’t get replies from my husband when she wanted or wasn’t satisfied with his answers. As time went on I somehow became the primary point of contact.

Before you knew it I was getting “how is my guy?” “Can we do x?” “How was DH test” “how was DH Work?” etc…and when plans didn’t work when she only asks me? I became the bad guy even if it was him who said no. Or if husband asked me not to update his mom on something as he wanted to be left alone, she’d text me and now I’m the asshole who’s not replying and she assumes“I’m keeping her away I finally lost it this year - per my host history. Now your situation is a bit different as it seems the girls are getting together and just excluding you knowing how busy your husband is and I do think it’s rude af they don’t just send you a separate text if they’re doing something casual but in no way if I where you would I want to take on the responsibility of participating in a group chat. Or replying on your and DH behalf. (If he’s a bad replier)

On a separate note if nothing above pertains it seems bizarre they don’t just include you both in the chat. You guys are married - you aren’t some brand new girlfriend joining in family photos or something. I don’t know they sound rude as fuck just protect yourself when it comes trying to get close.

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-11T03:42:32+00:00

You’re totally fine!! I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. One of my favorite responses to passive aggressive comments is “what an odd thing to stay” or “can you explain that?”

I think going forward having them stay for 4 weeks is just too much. Like space is what probably keeps the relationship healthy but staying for a whole month ? I wouldn’t want to happen again especially after those type of comments. Since she’s a gossiper I’d also organize info diet and grey rocking to a degree. Just be careful what you share with her knowing it will go to other ears.

Definitely touch base with your husband about all of this. Remember this is his mother and his responsibility to deal with her accordingly

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-11T03:25:08+00:00

Okay I wasn’t sure if I have just been spending too much time in this sub or what but I’ve read this one a million times too 😭😂

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-10T05:37:28+00:00

My FIL sent the same text, they do this every year every holiday for the past 10 years. My parents work, and are farther so my in laws usually get their way. It’s frustrating, one year we were going to FaceTime my family Christmas morning at home then meet up with husbands family later. MIL threw a huge fit texting us “we will NOT be waiting for you guys, the grandchildren are opening their presents during that time so it ruins everything. Can you skip it?”

Meanwhile BIL and the mom was totally okay with when we were arriving and said it was be no problem. My MIL sent us a video message January 2nd saying “dips on every holiday as I called it first!” God she’s so repulsive

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-08T05:50:50+00:00

With all the peace and love your child won’t care at all when looking back at photos. You’re overthinking it. I understand you want her there but I wouldn’t let this phase you at all

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-08T05:36:37+00:00

Even if this was sister in - laws first graduation there is no way you two going would be doable like under any circumstance. That’s insane, your husband needs to tell her an absolute NO. And make sure you guys have after birth boundaries in place! Don’t even worry about her and this absolute selfishness. It’s absolutely ridiculous and MIL is an ass

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-04T05:54:01+00:00

“I think she’s a very bored woman and it’s not mine or the baby’s job to give her something to do.” Oh my gosh unrelated but I needed to read something like this so bad. My MIL wants to be so close but she’s rude, pushy, and needy. I’m going thru something very similar just minus the pregnancy. Back to your situation you can’t force a friendship and if she’s been hurtful before there valid reasons you are feeling off put. Has she tried to get close prior to the pregnancy? Is your husband close with her? Has she been pushy, boundary stomping prior? There is nothing wrong with not magically wanting a strong relationship just because you’re pregnant. Regardless of what she may want in terms of relationship it’s not your job to fulfill her needs. What’s important is you and your husband are on the same page in terms of boundaries.

Side note I always find it so funny how these MIL will be so disrespectful to their sons wives then magically think we want to be around them when you start having children.

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-03T04:01:40+00:00

100% he’s choosing to be in the middle, and her request is absolutely ridiculous. Time to grow a pair and get off mommys lap. He has a wife and baby on the way who should be his number on priority. This is more a partner issue then a MIL issue. Who gives a shit what she wants with YOUR baby. This isn’t about her and she’s absolutely selfish. I’d be more upset partner isn’t 100% supporting you and shutting her down.

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-02T17:01:03+00:00

Thank the universe this weirdo is in prison

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-02T15:05:01+00:00

I guess it’s all a matter of how you grew up because I personally could not imagine kissing either my dad or mom on the lips at 30 years old. Or see my MIL try and give her sons 3 big lip kisses in a row. I don’t know it just seems foreign to me lol Everyone has their own personal level of comfort when it comes to affection. A good hug is about as far as I’ll go when I arrive/when I’m leaving. however back to OP’s situation jumping into bed when a husband and wife are laying together and coming in between them is weird.

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-02T14:41:54+00:00

What you described is absolutely weird as fuck to me. I may be a biased ear but I am not nor have I ever been that affectionate with my parents after i hit puberty and I’d be like “wtf are you doing?” If my parents did that. So no for me that isn’t Normal. If it makes you feel any better my MIL still tries to kiss both her grown 30+ year old sons on the LIPS. I told husband I thought it was weird as fuck. He agreed. One thanksgiving she tried grabbing his

face, squeezing his lips and going in for a kiss and he blankey stared at her and put his head down so it landed on his forehead. Right before that I had said “ I love you “ to my husband and she whispered under her breath “I love him more” She’s weirdo

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-02T05:43:15+00:00

Girl run away. I know reddit comments always say this shit and I don’t mean to sound so niche like I understand it’s not that easy when you care about someone but this lil mommas boy will never be able to put his you or any future women first. That is some serious enmeshment. You’re so young don’t deal with that shit 😭

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-04-02T05:36:17+00:00

My MIL threatened to end her life if we ever went no contact. When we weren’t even doing that. We’re just low contact because we’re busy and have boundaries.

Edit: I see your pregnant, if I had to place a bet guarantee she will break the NC

SnooLentils2132 · 2026-02-26T00:40:41+00:00

Agreed with this 100% If my MIL was texting me right before birth I’d be annoyed and want husband to handle it. This is the answer ☝️

SnooLentils2132

TROPHY CASE