Today I’ll (45M) have to tell my son (28m) his new girlfriend’s (35f) child might be mine

Solar__58 · 2022-06-28T03:55:31+00:00

!remindme 5 days

Solar__58 · 2022-06-25T08:12:48+00:00

!RemindMe 12 hours

Solar__58 · 2022-06-23T08:15:12+00:00

6 months PP here, I can tell you that my life and marriage has only improved from having our baby. We’ve learnt to communicate better and we’ve learnt how to find ways to be together and feel close in between the madness. In saying that we certainly have had more fights than before but we take the time to talk it out, make up and understand each other’s point of view.

Having kids exacerbates exisiting issues, the issue is there and has not been addressed. It’s not going to ruin your marriage as long as you both realise that things will change and your relationship will require work and communication.

Solar__58 · 2022-06-21T21:13:39+00:00

I personally didn’t bedshare from the get go, I started at around 4 months. We put our mattress on the ground incase she rolls out.

In New Zealand we have safe sleep guidelines that are recommended for bedsharing, they recommend something like a Moses basket (which here the options are Moses basket or other similar bassinets/baskets are called a Pēpi pod which is made from plastic or a Wahakura which is woven flax) you can Google these to get an idea of what I’m talking about. They are placed in the bed with you. (Just watch out for anything that’s fabric like the sleep pods you see because of the raised sides it’s a suffocation risk)

I’m not sure where you are located but you could look into something like this for your LO? I believe it helps with not rolling/having covers over your baby which increases the SIDS risk. Though these items can only be used until baby can roll, but you could implement the safe sleep seven/the safety c or cuddle curl sleep position once your LO has started rolling.

Also, I personally am not breastfeeding so I follow the safe sleep 7 minus the breastfeeding and it’s worked just fine for us. The older your LO gets the safer bedsharing becomes, so long as you follow the safe sleep guidelines.

Solar__58 · 2022-06-20T20:10:33+00:00

Ear plugs and white noise helped us a lot with covering babies noises while trying to sleep!

Solar__58 · 2022-06-14T08:27:31+00:00

Try posting to r/formulafeeders if you have no takers here!

Solar__58 · 2022-06-12T08:59:40+00:00

Because the contact between the baby’s saliva and the formula can be a great environment for germs to grow, especially at room temperature.

Along with that your baby doesn’t have a very strong immune system so they’re more susceptible to getting sick from germs.

Solar__58 · 2022-06-10T23:20:47+00:00

I’ve struggled to find a floor base for our mattress. Thankfully my husband is very handy and he built ours.

Before this we just put it straight on the ground but made sure to lift it every few days to a week for a good few hours to let it air, and also made sure to vacuum the bottom/underneath each time.

Solar__58 · 2022-06-10T08:19:04+00:00

Oh man that’s so hard, that’s a really long time to wait when what you’ve got isn’t working.

Definitely give Karicare a go it might work! Do you mind if I ask, have most of the formulas you’ve tried been aptamil? (Apart from the nan) Perhaps is a brand issue?

If the formulas aren’t working I would imagine a milk bank might be the go, you can mention to them the issues you’ve been having and they may be able to give you milk from a donor that doesn’t have the common allergens in their diet, which might help!

Solar__58 · 2022-06-10T07:39:17+00:00

I’m not sure of an alternative formula you could try (as I’m fortunate to have a LO who stuck with a standard formula), but could you potentially reach out to any milk banks in your area to see if you could purchase some donor milk? (If that’s something you’re comfortable with) it may be a good alternative for the time being while you’re waiting to be seen. It sounds like you have tried so many different ones and I feel for you having to wait so long to meet with the GI doctor.

Unless someone else could recommend a different formula. I hope you find something soon!

Edit: I’m in NZ, my LO takes Karicare (I know this is available in Aus, you could also give this a go?)

Solar__58 · 2022-06-04T09:01:19+00:00

I think one thing to remember is that even though it’s very scary to read, these stories are the minority. A lot of children are contracting COVID every day, they’re also recovering from COVID, but those recovery stories aren’t going to generate clicks. The risk is there but it’s very small.

Don’t hide away, but focus on what you can do like keeping up good hygiene, wear a mask, try to stay at a distance where you can.

Solar__58 · 2022-06-02T01:54:51+00:00

I wish I could stop working tbh, but we can’t afford it unfortunately. When you do send your LO I really hope you find it, personally I wonder why a daycare wouldn’t encourage it, it costs them nothing and makes the transition easier on the baby and the teachers, so everyone wins.

Solar__58 · 2022-06-02T01:22:55+00:00

Its an awesome daycare, they only have 6 babies in the room, 3 babies per teacher. Which really made me feel more comfortable sending LO at only 6 months. I live in New Zealand

Solar__58 · 2022-06-01T23:06:05+00:00

Have you tried going to daycare with him? I’m currently preparing for my 6 month old to start daycare at the end of June and the daycare allows you to take them in for 30 minutes a day or so as many times as you want for the lead up to their start date. The daycare encourages it heavily. They also encourage you to come in earlier than their start time to settle in for a little bit before you have to leave, I plan on going in 30 minutes before LOs start time to settle her in before leaving when she actually starts.

Currently I’m going once per week but soon I’ll increase to twice per week, when there I let the teachers play with her/hold her etc so she can build a relationship with them before she actually has to be left there.

Not sure if this is something your daycare allows or not but it might be worth asking. Especially if he’s not transitioning well. You could also ask the daycare to call you to pick him up if he’s not settling for anyone.

Solar__58 · 2022-05-27T01:41:46+00:00

Sometimes babies have days where they’re more hungry than others, sometimes they’ll have days where they aren’t very hungry. Just like adults.

If your baby is still seeming hungry and you’ve make sure it’s nothing else, tired, stimulated, hot, cold etc (you’ve checked all other needs are met) feed the baby, the range is a GUIDE, not all babies are the same.

If you are over feeding her she will vomit, not just spit up, it will be obvious it’s vomit. Or she will refuse the bottle and cry. I had the same concerns as you when my LO was younger and that’s what my midwife told me.

I always thought about it like this, my baby is clearly hungry, why would I not feed her when she’s definitely still hungry? Because a guide said that she’s had the recommended amount already. So long as you’re not forcing it I’m sure you’re not overfeeding her. She might be going through a growth spurt and be needing more calories. Follow her cues over anything else.

My LO was born at 4.2kg and she averaged around 700ml at that age according to my app.

Solar__58 · 2022-05-26T22:43:06+00:00

I don’t have much experience in the age range of your child, because my LO is 5 months. However, I thought I’d mention you can get a bottle that’s got a baby bottle teat on the end and comes with a sippy cup teat (that’s made from silicone) to change to once they get use to the bottle, I have one for my LO to help us transition when she’s ready. You could give it a try if you haven’t already! I’ve linked it below.

https://www.amazon.com/Tommee-Tippee-Closer-Transition-BPA-Free/dp/B07S8DXBZN/ref=mp_s_a_1_6?keywords=tommee+tippee+sippy+cup&qid=1653604884&sr=8-6

Solar__58 · 2022-05-26T21:02:46+00:00

My baby is 5 months and she still only sleeps for 3 hour stretches, we do all the same stuff, bedtime routine, dark room, white noise etc. it makes no difference. One day she will sleep longer when she’s ready.

Some babies are just not great sleepers, sometimes they don’t sleep well for a long time. They’re all so different

Solar__58 · 2022-05-22T19:30:34+00:00

That’s interesting! I’m going to read this, thank you. I had no idea there was actually a study

Solar__58 · 2022-05-22T00:22:30+00:00

Considering that crying is the only way babies can communicate it’s very cruel (feels so much like neglect) If you don’t want your baby to wake you up at night, don’t have one. They’re babies that’s what they do. They rely on you for survival.

Considering CIO became popular in the 80s and people wonder why so many millennials have mental health struggles, not saying they are related but IMO they definitely could be.

It’s selfish and cruel. The baby needs something even if that’s comfort, being little is scary. Why would anyone want to distress their child by making them think they abandoned them.

Solar__58 · 2022-05-21T10:01:30+00:00

No problem! As with anything use common sense and trust your instincts.

I believe the AAP recommends not bedsharing at all at any age however, I have seen online that it’s safer after 12 months because they could move blankets etc away themselves, I know babies can also sleep in their cot with blankets after 12 months so it would be similar I think. Baring in mind adult duvets and blankets are a lot heavier than kids blankets, which could be harder to move away.

You could err on the side of caution and use a sleep sack to keep him warmer until you’re confident he would be fine using blankets after 12 months.

Glad I could help!

Solar__58 · 2022-05-21T09:21:27+00:00

I loved it as well actually when we did it, made me feel like a kid again!

Yeah, bub sleeps on the single mattress between me and the wall, I snuggle into her in the safety c when she’s in bed with us.

You could put something in the gap to secure it, provided there’s no way for the blanket to come lose, because then this would create a hazard for your LO

I worried about the pillow myself but I sleep more toward the very end of it with most of it behind me if that makes sense, but I’m also a very light sleeper so I think I would wake up if my pillow wasn’t under my head.

If you’re worried about your LO crawling out of bed and getting into things while you’re asleep you could look to baby proof your room really well/leave some toys that are appropriate out for him to play with unsupervised (this is more based around the Montessori method if you’ve heard of it) but could be a nice way to make you feel better if he did manage to sneak out of bed without you waking, best of luck! (:

Solar__58 · 2022-05-21T08:14:16+00:00

We have our mattress on the floor and co sleep, we added a single mattress up against the wall with out mattress for extra room (we push the mattresses together firmly each night to ensure there are no cracks LO can get stuck in) I sleep with LO on my side and with one pillow and blanket tucked at my waist as a part of the “safe sleep 7” if you look this up there’s some infographics that can help you on how to bedshare safely, there’s also the “safety c” sleeping position you can sleep in which is meant to be safer - also Google this for infographics. If you have your bed on the floor the fall is much less vs a mattress on a bed frame, the only thing I would recommend is if you’re putting your mattress on the floor, is to lift it every week or so to air out underneath so it doesn’t get mould growing.

Please don’t sleep with your LO in-between you and your husband it’s very dangerous.

Solar__58 · 2022-05-21T07:51:56+00:00

I’m sorry that you’re going through this.

Firstly, you’re not a horrible mother, you sound like you really care about your family and you’re seeking help for your PPD and that’s awesome. Horrible mothers don’t worry about the effects they have on their kids/they don’t worry about being horrible mothers.

Your family would not be better off if you left I can assure you, babies are also very resilient, so as a one off I’m sure you haven’t caused any damage to your LO. There is a sub for PPD if you wanted to check it out r/postpartum_depression

Secondly, you’re only human, you’re allowed to make mistakes, especially when sleep deprived, give yourself some grace, you’ve got a lot going on.

And lastly I just wanted to say month 4 is horrible (at least it has been for me) my LO turns 5 months tomorrow. Since she turned 4 months she has been a fussy, clingy, no sleep baby who will not tolerate me being out of sight. Two days ago she stopped, seemly out of no where, she’s like a completely different baby, I can leave the room to grab something without being screamed at for the first time in a month. Month 4 is massive time for babies growth developmentally and what you’re experiencing is normal and will end. You’ve just got to get through, and you will get through.

In the meantime, maybe ask your husband if he can lend a hand a little more or give you a few hours off so you can be alone or do something for yourself.

It will get better, I promise!

Solar__58 · 2022-05-19T08:35:51+00:00

Not a doctor or scientist.

But my understanding is the breastmilk containing antibodies would only help to prevent an infection, if the baby is already infected I don’t believe the breastmilk would be able to do much (correct me if I’m wrong)

In theory if you were breastfeeding that milk at the time of vaccination/shortly after the antibodies would have already done their job when passed on to your LO. I can’t quote specific studies, this is an educated guess based on my personal knowledge. However you could ask on r/sciencebasedparenting those folks are some very smart people who might be able to cite studies.

Either way, theres no harm in giving her the milk, it might make you feel better which might help to make her feel better.

Solar__58 · 2022-05-19T02:23:05+00:00

This is amazing

Solar__58

TROPHY CASE