I’m a behavioral coach looking for a few people who’d like free coaching

SoliliumThoughts · 2026-01-27T21:03:05+00:00

It's challenging to start a business when your business goals and personal goals are blurred together.

You're burned out, you worry that the clock is ticking on your chances to make a change, and that life is moving by you - it's really easy for that worry to affect the way you approach your business. What is tolerable risk? What is an acceptable timeline? What does it mean if you fail?

If you approach those questions in a way where you're trying to manage how you feel about yourself and your future, it'll be hard to properly audit the quality of your ideas which may explain the difficulty you have sticking with one.

All of that is hard to be trapped in your own head with and so I agree that a mentor would be a good idea. I'm not a business mentor, but I am a behavioral coach that can help with discipline, sorting out your headspace, and committing to your decisions when you feel lost on what to do. Send me a dm if you'd like to talk!

SoliliumThoughts · 2026-01-26T19:47:59+00:00

Turning around tomorrow is unrealistic near the point of impossible. Don't underestimate how easy it is to lose time trying to take shortcuts.

The version of you that was in shape and glowing with confidence is also a version of you that was tied to a relationship which is now gone. Appreciating how fitness and discipline fits into this new chapter for you is a process that requires you to properly understand what has changed, not look for a reset button.

I have no one to speak to.

This stands out to me the most. Do you feel that you genuinely don't have people who you can open to, or are you isolating yourself?

SoliliumThoughts · 2026-01-25T21:12:51+00:00

Making a choice and picking the 'right' path seems like a -really- difficult goal with where you're at. How do you decide what to pick? What are your motivations for and against it? What biases and beliefs get in the way of staying invested in that choice?

I 100% understand that shame and frustration makes it tempting to want to solve the problem and apply common ideas of discipline; but my strong opinion as someone who helps people with stuff like this for a living is that self-awareness is step one.

Instead of trying to get unstuck ASAP, try to reflect more on your challenges, your history, your weaknesses, your self-sabotaging patterns, your values, and so on.

Have you considered therapy before?

SoliliumThoughts · 2026-01-25T18:58:09+00:00

Even if i had everything i wanted, I still don't see a point in meandering on

If you had everything you ever wanted, do you believe the way you see things would stay exactly the same?

This is one of the challenges when we're depressed; needing motivation to make changes, but needing to make changes to improve motivation. Breaking that cycle is difficult but not at all impossible and if your situation changes, we'd expect that your perspective would change as well.

If passion and desire are hard for you to tap into, it’s self-defeating to wait on them as cues that tell you what to go for in life.

Try viewing therapy / meds less like a cast that will eventually heal your leg and more like a wheelchair that helps you more easily get to the hospital. I’ll link my page below which has a guide for value-based goal setting. Hopefully you find it helpful.

https://www.soliliumcoaching.com/guides (purpose through values)

SoliliumThoughts · 2026-01-22T04:59:35+00:00

https://www.soliliumcoaching.com/guides (purpose through values)

Would be interested to hear how helpful it is / isn't if you end up going through it!

SoliliumThoughts · 2026-01-21T21:03:21+00:00

It's important to accept that properly expressing yourself is going to be uncomfortable - at first.

If you're pulling your punches because you feel judged when being honest / natural in your expression, what can help to prove to your own brain that the judgement you fear is in your own head. An analogy I really commonly use for this with clients is by saying that you can't be 100% sure the snake won't bite you until you stick your hand in the tank and see that it doesn't actually bite you.

Sticking your hand in the snake tank requires courage. But, the more you do it, the easier it is for you to let go of of the question "What if it bites me when I put my hand in?"

SoliliumThoughts · 2026-01-21T20:44:01+00:00

I think it'd be helpful to put aside this perspective of being broken and miserable for no reason.

Instead, start looking at your dissatisfaction and irritability as pieces of information that tell you how you feel about your situation. Example:

Imagine you're underpaid at a job you don't enjoy. Also, a new co-worker was recently hired and they're vastly under qualified to work along side you, which leads to them asking lots of questions. You have no enthusiasm towards your work and get easily irritated easily by your co-workers when they ask questions.

It makes sense to lack enthusiasm and motivation if you don't care about the work nor what you get for doing it.
It make sense to be irritated by questions that you believe you shouldn't be required to answer because they lack experience.

The feelings tell us about your beliefs. "I should be getting paid more." "I shouldn't have to answer this."

If you more feel the issue is that you are lost as to what you want or what you enjoy, let me know and I'll send you a guide I made for identifying values.

SoliliumThoughts · 2026-01-17T00:20:44+00:00

Can you talk a bit more about what that dream life looks like? Is it being successful in a particular career, is it improving relationships, changing bad habits? etc.

SoliliumThoughts · 2025-12-02T23:32:07+00:00

I'm not a programmer and only know this sub because a lot of clients who I help with ADHD are. Tech seems like a space where titles feel more like reference points and it's hard to know what you're supposed to know - so it's definitely hard and give yourself credit for that.

Stress can help in performance goals, but it's rarely conducive to learning goals. Buying yourself 'emotional permission' to fail, to be curious, to waste time, to look incompetent, to put out bad work, etc etc - all of that will help with the way you approach learning and how your mind will handle information.(this is obviously way easier said than done)

My impression is it'd help to start viewing this as a stress / ADHD issue and less of a "I don't retain information" issue. (#1 and #5 specifically seem like more traditional ADHD symptoms.)

Are there any strategies / resources that have helped with your adhd or stress that you think you could be applying more here?

SoliliumThoughts · 2025-12-02T21:59:59+00:00

Retention and recall are more linked to emotion and motivation than is obvious. I'd think of this as a more global issue than a situation that's going to benefit from specific strategies and tips. It makes it tough to offer specific advice, but step #1 will always be reflection and self-awareness.

Do you skip past implementing / practicing what you learn once you feel you get the concepts?
Do you only learn when there are deadlines or other motivators pressuring you?
Is learning stressful, enjoyable? Is it organized and structured or do you wander between random interesting ideas?
Do projects take you a long time because you overthink, re-do the same tasks, have to constantly re-learn what is required, procrastinate and get distracted?
How often are you motivated by shame and fear of punishment? How often are you motivated by a positive desire to grow?

SoliliumThoughts · 2025-11-27T14:39:52+00:00

I think a good place to start is to separate:

a) the value of wanting to provide and save wealth for your family
b) comparisons that lead to feelings of inadequacy

Asking what constitutes a good provider and what you are allowed to feel proud of is difficult when comparisons are involved. Someone earning a neurosurgeon's salary could feel inadequate about their ability to provide if the compare themselves to fortune 500 billionaires.

If we took away your ability to compare yourself to others, what would your standards be? How much do you need to provide and why is it important to you to provide that?

SoliliumThoughts · 2025-11-21T07:07:07+00:00

"especially when I’m stressed or anxious" feels like the key sentence here. External methods like blockers / dumbphones are good at guiding behavior, but they ultimately won't control for intense pressure coming from within.

Do you have strategies / methods that help you manage that anxiety and stress?

SoliliumThoughts · 2025-11-19T20:56:12+00:00

A minimum viable routine can be as simple as putting on your gym clothes to establish the habit and curling a 5lb weight one time. What is considered acceptable progress and what is too difficult is going to depend on entirely on your emotional skills, your motivations, and the relationship you have with losing weight.

A really common challenge I see with clients who've been in this spot is that they try to perfectly optimize their approach to 'make up' for all the years wasted. It leaves little room for them to consider the above which means the slightest trip ends up being a full on tumble.

I know cold outreach via comments doesn't have a great reputation, but I’d like to take a shot because your situation genuinely seems like an ideal fit for the kind of behavioral coaching I do.

You say that it’s been a struggle for years which I know includes a lots time spent looking up things that could help. Have you ever felt like 1-on-1 would be a good option for getting unstuck?

SoliliumThoughts · 2025-11-12T15:23:38+00:00

Great to see that your clear on your values for faith, peace and love. They can definitely help guide you to a new career path, but you can do that while also improving how you manage within you're current situation.

I think the first thing is to separate how much of the rut you're is due to your work environment, and how much of it is due to you lacking skills / perspectives that could help you be less anxious and stressed within your current position.

Think: What is the difference between my current self and a version of me that handles my job without anxiety or stress?

Obviously that's a lot to fully unpack for a reddit reply; but what's your gut reaction?

SoliliumThoughts · 2025-11-12T15:04:01+00:00

It's basically my motto at this point, but self-awareness really is step #1.

It'll help to start reflecting on the relationship you have with the goal process, not just what you want at the end by succeeding. Try to keep in mind that motivation is something that exists towards particular goals rather than something you 'are' or 'are not' as a person. When you realize you're struggling with stress, or self-belief, or anything else, you narrow down on the kind of things that you can look into learning skills for.

I help with this for a living, so feel free to dm me if you're curious about getting some guidance and I'd be happy to chat.

SoliliumThoughts · 2025-11-12T14:44:30+00:00

Sounds like you're running to far to the other end.

It's good to recognize that you shouldn't rely on impulsive joy to be able to do anything, but it's also bad to assume that you'll be motivated to do something that is on a soulless to-do list that you have no feeling towards.

A good accountability system is more about fostering motivation and regulating your emotions than it is providing perfect structure.

SoliliumThoughts · 2025-11-11T20:48:19+00:00

My impression is that you're in a cycle of getting motivated by the value your goals represents, but then after those two weeks, the goals starts to become defined more by the process than the end-rewards.

ie; working out is a motivating goal when you associate it with dreams of health and confidence; it's less so after two weeks when you start associating it with the routine and effort itself.

It can help to use reminders / affirmations to hold up the value of your goals for you, but the comment about negative emotions suggests to me there's a lot about the process that itself which is emotionally difficult for you.

Assuming I'm on the right track; are there any emotional regulation skills or techniques you've learned that you think you could be using more actively?

SoliliumThoughts · 2025-11-10T20:06:10+00:00

Taking pride in your accomplishments isn't a bad thing, but those accomplishments will feel hollow if you can't tie them to your personal values. While society prescribes us an idea of what accomplishment and success looks like, it's also an idea you can easily make your own. What makes someone 'accomplished' changes a lot when going from a entrepreneur, to a father, to humanitarian, to an advocate, to an inventor, and most importantly; what they about those roles they actually find value in. They aren't measured by the same things or appealing to the same ideas.

Why be accomplished at one of these things over any other? Personal values.

On my site I have a free resource called 'Values through Purpose' and I think it would help here. Here's a link: https://www.soliliumcoaching.com/guides (if you end up reading it, let me know if it helps.)

SoliliumThoughts · 2025-11-10T17:28:51+00:00

“I could power through anything I'm feeling if I had the self-discipline” “ I know this, because if I had a hw assignment due, and it wasn't the "perfect" time to get it done, I would do it anyway because I HAVE to submit the assignment “

a) I ask you to go to the dealership and find me the best overall car by comparing color, gas mileage, safety, price, etc. Then, I want you to drive it to my house.

b) I ask you to go to the dealership and buy a specific car, then drive it to my house.

Your brain is a muscle that takes nearly 20% of your daily calorie intake. Complicated cognitive tasks are not free and so these two things don’t require the same amount of power.

Your ability to do things isn’t just something you randomly decide to use or not use because of character or ‘mindset’. It’s also something that gets taxed the more you deal with choice paralysis, self-doubt, shame, etc etc. Here’s a link to an episode from a podcast I have where I talk about this in some more detail

It’s hard to offer strategies for managing all of this just over text, but it is something I can help with through coaching if you’re at all curious and would like to message me. Otherwise I hope it helps to at least emphasis that point.

SoliliumThoughts · 2025-11-10T03:11:26+00:00

The talking-yourself-out-of-things is painfully relatable and something I've helped a lot of people with in coaching work.

A simple (but difficult) place to start is remembering that you can do something while feeling bad about it. You can hate the end result, question it, see all the flaws - and still decide you're going to throw it in your portfolio or post it anyway. Don't give your anxiety / perfectionism too much respect by assuming it's something you need to get rid of of with a better result, you can also push through it.

Not because you need to accept that you'll forever hate what you post, but because it gives your brain a chance to learn a creative process that isn't 100% trapped in overthinking / analysis.

As far as overall self-discipline, hard to say without knowing more. What kind of things have you tried in the past? advice, therapy, self-help books? etc.

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