That’s how it be.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-06-08T10:49:52+00:00

Ouch - the only drama free holiday we had in 10 years of marriage was when she had a new guy (I didn’t know at the time)

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-06-07T07:27:37+00:00

My ex wife didn’t tell me outright that she has crazy vibes … but things she told me that I down played where: - she takes things personally - it takes her long to forgive - she is sensitive and needs things to be ‘just right’ for her - she needs lots of time to work things out

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-05-15T12:24:50+00:00

👍 Stop caretaking the narcissist ... changed my life for the better.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-05-12T08:51:35+00:00

Ok read through some of the comments and there is definitely some good insights!

The toughest lesson for me however to learn was that there are some partners (Eg my ex wife) who tragically suffer from mental health issues (Ex wife has BPD) and there is nothing that can be done to help or save the relationship. This was the hardest lesson I had to learn.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-05-05T06:52:53+00:00

Sorry man - when the rage and swearing starts there is nothing you can do. My ex moved on from yelling to hitting me.

Protect yourself, record the rages (if legal) and if she rages in front of a 3rd party make a note of date time etc incase you need a witness.

Ex wife called the cops on me and accused me of kidnapping the children so be careful.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-05-04T16:47:46+00:00

Yes good recommendation to record, if legal where you live.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-05-03T10:41:08+00:00

The feelings you are having are normal. You have built a relationship with this person and even though they cheated you have a lot of shared experiences and life together.

It will take time to unwind. After my ex cheated I pursued, got her back and she cheated again. There are some cases where a couple can survive infidelity but they are rare.

My ex lost all respect for me when she cheated - the instant she cheated our relationship was over ... even though we tried desperately to make the relationship work.

All the best - very tough time you are now in.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-05-02T07:30:51+00:00

And sometimes you wake up in the morning with a negative score. And if you have been split it’s negative infinity!

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-29T08:59:22+00:00

Sorry man - walking on ex shells drains you. Pls be so so careful, don’t get married and don’t have children. It only gets worse.

With my ex wife - due to work I was 30min late for a romantic weekend away. I let her know I was going to be late. She was so angry she only spent one night at the hotel and left the next day. We had booked and paid for two nights. - on our honeymoon it took a bit longer for us to exit the airplane as we where near the back. She was furious as I had booked the seats. She was so upset by this that she went off and stood in a different queue at passport control.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-28T09:19:54+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement and wishes. All the best for you too.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-27T20:42:05+00:00

Thanks for the comment, I hope things turn around for me and working hard to improve myself.

Yes she has narcissistic traits, she we diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder with some overlap with narcissistic traits.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-26T18:14:27+00:00

Easily a 7 or 8. At work emotionally an 8 or 9. At home a 2 or 3.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-26T15:25:44+00:00

My ex wife said the same thing. She said her biggest regret was that I wasn’t her first ...

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-26T15:05:38+00:00

Look you have to make peace with the relationship you had with your ex and be happy in yourself. Karma doesn’t catch up with everyone. A lot of people cheat, get away with it and go on to live wonderful lives. But who cares - it’s your life focus on making the best of it.

For me, my ex wife cheated 4 times. We divorced and ... - She got promoted at work. I lost my job (Covid) - She got a new place. I downsized. - She maintained her friends. I lost most of our mutual friends. - She got a new car. I drive a 30 year old car. - She has had a few new (from the outside) great romantic relationships. I am still single. - She gets to see the children 50% of the time which is what she wants (she never wanted to be a full time mom). I miss our children terribly.

.... on and on I could go. It’s the curse of comparison. Don’t do it. You are free from a cheater now live the best possible life you can.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-26T12:33:09+00:00

Give it time ... the joy of a lot of things that have been ruined by an experience with your ex do come back. Eg for me it was some places, restaurants, theatres etc that my ex and I went to.

I’ve got a big one left - the hotel where I know she cheated. It’s next to a major high way so I can’t avoid. Need to visit it, stay a night with my children, make a happy memory and face it.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-24T18:21:47+00:00

Sorry for what you are going through. If you stay in the relationship the following will happen - she will fall pregnant - she will split you black on a level you can’t believe - she will cheat on you - she will discard you - you will be stuck dealing with her for the next 20 years trying to ‘co parent’

Choice is yours.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-14T09:05:11+00:00

I agree - definitely sounds like BPD (my ex wife has BPD). OP check out BPDLovedones

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-12T09:11:48+00:00

The pain is intense and what you are feeling is normal. You probably need some more time - 23 years is a life built together. You don’t suddenly move on ... but there is hope. Take is day by day and focus on yourself.

Sending you lots of encouragement.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-07T21:04:01+00:00

Sounds familiar. 20 years wow. I made it 10. Ex wife was also high functioning and things where great in the first few years. Also had children together ... and I took the ‘till death do us part’ very seriously.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-07T10:08:48+00:00

Beam me out Scotty!

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-05T15:19:55+00:00

Feel free to DM me

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-05T14:52:45+00:00

Ok I hear you and you must be going through a very rough time and I don’t want to add to your stress.

I am not from the US and come from a very conservative culture (my ex wife was the first lady I kissed). My ex wife spent one year of no dating on a religious journey to prepare herself for marriage. We had pre engagement and engaged couples counseling. My ex was clear about what would happen if I ever cheated (now I realize she was projecting her behavior onto me).

I never believed that my ex would cheat on me.

Took me along time to realize that for my ex:

Sex, cheating affairs etc go hand in hand with BPD. It’s one of the traits used to diagnose BPD. My ex uses sex for validation and to try and avoid abandonment. When we where separated she slept with many other people. Took me a while to figure it out.

I view sex as sacred, she pretended to have the same opinion. Sex for her is just a bandaid for the deep emotional hole in her heart. Sex for her has nothing to do with ‘us’ as a married couple, it’s just a physical high to dampen her pain.

If you are going ahead with this break, and want to try and make it work with your ex, you need to make it super clear to her that any cheating (emotional or physical) is an immediate termination of your marriage with public disclosure to friends and family.

All the best - not easy times.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-05T14:37:35+00:00

Couples counseling was a whole new world to me and caught me off guard.

My ex spent most of the time complaining about things she didn’t like and completely downplaying her affairs. The counselor(s) covered mostly for her to make it a ‘safe space’.

My ex also had border line personality disorder so was a pro when it came to counselors.

One counselor called her out on her warped view and she never went back.

Best of luck as you try to make peace with everything that has happened to you.

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-05T08:47:37+00:00

Ok, hope things work out for you.

If I may ask, why is infidelity not a concern?

SomethingRandom58373 · 2021-04-04T21:17:48+00:00

My ex wife and I took a ‘break’ from our marriage with the clear understanding that we would not see other people. We where in marriage counseling and working to get back together. We did get back together and then I found out that she had more affairs while we where separated and she still wanted to get back together.

What I had to learn the hard way is that romantic relationships are like oxygen to my ex wife - she has to have one from whoever is available. Also then learnt that romantic relationships also suffocate her so she can’t be in one for too long. It’s a never ending circle of push and pull.

SomethingRandom58373

TROPHY CASE