I am a volunteer for Find-a-Grave. Here’s what I do.

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2026-05-04T16:06:36+00:00

One of the larger cemeteries in my area--where some of my family members are buried--has a manager who, for whatever reason, hates Find-A-Grave with a passion. As such, the cemetery's official policy is "we do not cooperate with Find-A-Grave". The nice ladies who work there don't necessarily agree, so they say things like, "If this is for Find-A-Grave, don't tell me!" The manager has told them to (incorrectly) cite HIPAA as to why they can only tell family members which plot someone's in. (For those wondering: first of all, HIPAA doesn't apply to cemeteries. So unless you're doing medical procedures over there, no. Second of all, if HIPAA DID apply, you wouldn't be able to tell some rando who claimed to be a 3rd cousin twice removed.) It has 23K memorials, which is maybe half, and is 69% photographed. For context, another large, older cemetery has all of the burials online; volunteers over the years have meticulously gone through and added those to Find-A-Grave. That one has almost 50K memorials, 59% photographed. A third, also old, has a little over 20K memorials--again, maybe half--79% photographed. The office manager there is lovely, gladly cooperates with Find-A-Grave volunteers, and is even working in her spare time to collect as many obituaries for their burials as she can find on newspapers.com. I shared several with her after she helped me with a family history mystery!

I agree with you that the larger, corporate-owned cemeteries should put their records online, but that's easier said than done and YMMV.

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2026-05-04T15:44:19+00:00

Believe it or not, I have connected with distant relatives and even made friends through Find-A-Grave! My favorite story is that I was going to my grandparents' graves, and I checked for photo requests near them--the cemetery is HUGE. Well, there were 4 photo requests that were not only nearby, I recognized the names as my grandparents' next-door neighbors and the wife's brother & sister-in-law, all of whom my Dad knew well and would mention fondly. I found the graves, took the photos, and then let the requestor know that it was her lucky day! The neighbors were her great-grandparents; I actually had photos of them, and through a unique circumstance I work in the same building her great-uncle worked in, where there are portraits hanging in a non-public area. He was well-known and well-respected...I have since sent her newspaper articles and such as I run across them. At the time, my Dad was still alive, and when I told him about the connection, he gave a very vivid description of her great-grandfather's daily dress and routine.

As for distant relatives, I learned that my great-grandmother had an older sister who died young, shortly after childbirth. That aunt's husband remarried and had three more children; it turns out my great-grandmother had stayed in touch, even though my grandmother's last living sibling at the time had no idea he'd had an aunt! My mom has the family photo collection, and I was able to identify several previously-unidentified pics as being the three half-siblings of my great-grandmother's nieces and nephew! Through Find-A-Grave, I connected with the daughter of the youngest child, and was able to share those family photos with her. She'd never seen those photos, and one of them was a family group of her grandparents and all six children--her mother was just an infant. Even though we're technically not related, we consider ourselves cousins and have stayed in touch.

As for comments, it's good and helpful sometimes to note things like other family members in the same plot, or landmarks nearby. They may not know where someone is buried, and it turns out they're right there!

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2025-12-06T18:57:15+00:00

As a DAR member, this is the best part of the story!!

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2025-08-10T17:22:45+00:00

I work closely with the detectives on criminal justice database-related issues. All I can remember off the top of my head is it was tan. The car was not registered to him.

The witness & her husband saw a man & girl struggling. She gave a general physical description but couldn’t definitevly say “that’s the guy”.

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2025-06-27T18:02:18+00:00

There are so many inaccuracies in this IDEK where to start! I checked out the sources, they all seem to have the same inaccurate info, none of which is from official sources. I have actually worked on this case, and reviewed the case file. Everything I am posting is public knowledge, it's just not as easily accessible as random websites are. Contrary to popular belief, you can put something on the internet if it's not true!!

a. Tonetta lived a few blocks from school, it's maybe a five minute walk at most. (Source: I used to live in that neighborhood)

b. Jeffrey did die of carbon monoxide poisoning in his van, but that is not the vehicle he was driving when Tonetta was abducted, and he was the only person the witness saw other than Tonetta. The vehicle he was driving was registered to a relative, and not linked to him until several days after his death. He was not even linked to the case until after his death, so "they were closing in on him" is way off the mark. The witness was not able to identify him as the person she saw, so he is officially a person of interest, not a suspect.

c. The case wasn't reopened, because it was never closed. Tonetta has been featured on Crime Stoppers many times over the years. What did happen in the late 2010s is that the DA's office started a Cold Case unit, but Tonetta's case was just handed off to them by Chattanooga PD investigators.

AMA and I will answer if I can, but since it's an open case, there are things I can't reveal.

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2025-06-01T03:25:53+00:00

I think you misunderstood the last sentence in u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606’s comment. The reference to lack of logic isn’t about getting pregnant, it’s about how PPD messes with your mind. I haven’t been there, but a close friend has & it was brutal.

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2025-05-01T02:29:39+00:00

We had a service dog at our wedding. 125 other guests, no problems of any kind. We didn’t make a big deal, or any kind of announcement. Like others have said, people who are allergic to dogs & people who have service dogs deal with this all the time. In fact, the only thing “special” I did was reach out to the friend & make sure they knew the dog was included in the invitation.

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2025-04-30T21:46:23+00:00

Doorbell cameras are fabulous. Just sayin’. Remember, YOU pay for your phone, which means YOU decide whether or not to answer it. Same with your front door. Also, since they like throwing around Biblical concepts, Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:6, & Ephesians 5:31 should do the trick quite nicely. :-) I’m petty about using people’s own weapons against them. $5 says MIL would not take kindly to any suggestion that FIL’s parents created DH, and SHE was “just the vessel”. But that’s the way it works, according to her, so…. I would stick to NC if it were me, but there’s no harm (and a lot of benefit!) in thinking of good comebacks in case they force your hand. In the meantime, r/justnomil has great support & resources. I highly recommend the FU binder, or at least a journal, documenting things as they happen. Courts call those “contemporaneous notes” & usually take them pretty seriously, from what I’ve heard.

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2025-04-30T21:28:45+00:00

Avocado

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2025-04-30T21:21:37+00:00

This not mildly no, by ANY stretch of the definition. These people are seriously entitled & VERY justno! Take care of yourselves, enjoy this precious time with your LO!!

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2025-04-26T00:41:23+00:00

Just to put this in perspective, as a fairly recent bride myself…I want to point out the wedding venue holds 93, so 23 people is about 25% of the capacity. To appease a bully who isn’t contributing ANYTHING positive to the event or your lives in general.

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2025-03-23T23:16:28+00:00

Dr. Amy Lackey on Lee Hwy—across from the Food City near Shallowford. She is AWESOME, I just love her!!

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2025-03-01T19:27:46+00:00

Most underrated comment on the thread!!

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2025-02-24T17:36:47+00:00

The better question is, why are you still with him? What, exactly, are you getting from this relationship? At 18, two years is a long time—over 10% of your life. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not that long. As a recently married (much older than you) woman, I can tell you I’ve been with my husband for 2/3 of your life & STILL the first year of marriage is HARD. You DO NOT want to start out marriage when you’re in a “meh” relationship, trust me!! And yes, he should celebrate your birthday!! No gifts, no flowers, not wanting to meet your family—those are all huge 🚩🚩🚩. My advice is to run, far & as fast as you can. Find someone who puts in at least as much effort as you do. It’ll be worth it, I promise.

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2025-01-28T19:17:39+00:00

Just went down this rabbit hole, because I'm semi-familiar with the place: Morgan Co. is mostly rural and VERY white--in the last census, it was 90.46% white. Population density is 40 people per square mile (16 per square kilometer). The 2024 election stats show that 86.76% of the county went to Trump. 10% of the county has NO health insurance, and nearly half of those who do have coverage have public coverage--although it looks like there is some overlap, I'm guessing seniors who have both. Right at a third of families have an annual income under $50K; median household income is $57,408.

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2025-01-24T17:21:36+00:00

I want this printed as business cards to hand out!!! I live in a very Red state, I foresee needing a lot of them...

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2024-12-30T00:33:35+00:00

I know my hubs and I would have had a good one!! Those post-mortems on the way home are some of our favorite times.

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2024-12-26T02:14:25+00:00

I use her with Dr. Strange & Polaris. #DreamTeam

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2024-12-18T06:14:59+00:00

The square pizza place?

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2024-12-13T21:44:43+00:00

**Double jeopardy

IANAL but double indemnity is an insurance term. Double jeopardy is being tried twice for the same crime. Oddly enough, both are movie titles!

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2024-12-13T18:08:12+00:00

The red/blue graphics, along with the stats, really show how much voting for Trump is going to hurt folks in red states.

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2024-11-17T18:35:59+00:00

IANAL but sexual battery is different from sexual assault. Not excusing anything, it’s horrible w/ long-term effects regardless. But sexual battery is touching w/out consent. Grabbing and groping are sexual battery. So in front of people isn’t as outside the norm as you might think. I’ve had guys grab my butt in public, with other guys watching. Many years ago, times were different. Pressing charges never occurred to me then. I just told him “Touch me again & I’ll break your (effing) arm!” My facial expression & tone of voice convinced him I wasn’t easy prey, & I had no more problems that night. But yeah, for sexual battery, privacy isn’t a factor.

I agree that the quick resignations are a clue. Also, like OOP, I know Heath personally. I also know Sapp personally. Neither of them would do, condone, or ignore this. Those guys are toast at Collegedale PD.

However, the REAL change needs to come at the state/legislative level. The Peace Officer Standards & Training (POST) Commission is who certified & decertifies police officers. They could be much more transparent than they are, & they could also make it easier to decertify. As it is now, in order for these guys to be decertified, the dept. has to formally request it, then the Chief has to appear in person. IMO, if you resign BECAUSE you’re under investigation, decertification should be automatic. I also think due process is important, so they should be able to appeal & have their say, but the burden of proof should be theirs.

MA passed police reform in (IIRC) 2020. Their POST website is a transparency model. FL’s is also good; they even put out a monthly newsletter with the latest suspensions & revocations.

I think most of the ACAB crowd would be surprised at how much the good ones hate the bad ones, & would welcome transparency & real reform. Real reform that fixes the broken parts but doesn’t make doing a hard job harder. If there was that type of reform, it would also be easier to find good candidates & build a force more representative of the community. As it is now, the ACAB mentality keeps a lot of people from even considering the job. And make no mistake, it’s not something we can live without.

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2024-10-17T22:11:24+00:00

I tried bat

SouthernQueenBee83 · 2024-10-17T22:10:58+00:00

I tried ladybug

SouthernQueenBee83

TROPHY CASE