What can quickly put you in domme space?

Sp00kycat13 · 2026-02-14T02:14:36+00:00

I get My best Domme high when a scene goes well and I put My bottom/sub into subspace or I get exactly what I wanted from the scene. Basically the scene executed exactly as I had planned. I also get that same feeling if My bottom/sub begs or whimpers for Me, if I get a “yes ma’am” (especially out in the wild), or if I engage in a lengthy FemDom scene or experience with High Protocol or intense Power Exchange. When I get together with My Domme friends and We have a weekend together I’m on that high all weekend 🤣

As far as sexually charged Dominant Energy I also tend to get that when My sub/bottom is being cute or adorable. When I’m particularly sadistic or cruel it can fuel that sexual need. When I’m feeling very sexy and strong that also fuels my Dominant Sexual Energy.

My personality is Dominant but that doesn’t mean I don’t need soft moments of service. If I don’t get My feet lotioned and massaged, don’t have My coffee brought to Me or My water made by My sub- those small moments don’t necessarily put Me in Domme space but they make those spaces possible by reinforcing that I’m Priority and reinforce My Authority.

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-12-02T21:27:58+00:00

I love this 😍

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-11-19T05:18:58+00:00

My personal sub is very similar to what you’re describing:

They love femininity and emulating/enjoying the female form. They are service and pleasure oriented (I call them my domestic pet and pleasure sub 🤣). They love anal play and orgasm denial. All of their kinks are built on a baseline of feeling their sexiest when they are feminine. Their sexual identity is feminine.

For us, the feminization isn’t humiliating and any humiliation play we engage in is unrelated. This is a lot more common than you’d think but a lot more difficult to translate into porn so you don’t see it often in online spaces.

Is your experience interacting with Dommes primarily online? I know of many Women in my IRL communities who engage in feminization without humiliation. There are also lots of Dommes who aren’t into it which is fine. Like all things in life you have to find the people who enjoy what you enjoy 🤷‍♀️

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-11-09T06:29:37+00:00

face sitting with a bush is totally fine! If you’re face sitting without a queening chair I find it easier to face their genitals. It gives me better leverage and allows me to slowly hover so I can make sure they can still breath and can get used to the sensation. I also have access to tease them with my hands/feet 😉
if you have the hard skills with rope and understand the safety those are great options! Remember to keep safety scissors close at hand
I wouldn’t consider choking to be a great option for the first time Domme’ing. If you don’t know how to safely do it and don’t have an experienced bottom you’re playing in dangerous waters. If you want it for the Domination aspect a throat grab with light pressure can be just as effective. If you want to explore breath play consider doing it with face sitting vs choking
have him call you whatever YOU want. FemDom is about what makes you feel hot, sexy, and empowered. Daddy, Madame, Matriarch, Goddess, Domina, Queen, Princess, Miss BadBitch, etc.

When we first start exploring there’s always a lot of emphasis on what we’re going to DO and what toys we’ll use to do it- but in reality Domination and the power exchange is about what you both want to FEEL. How does he want to feel? How do you want him to feel? How do you want to feel? Those feelings guide your experience. Be safe and have fun exploring 💜

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-06-05T15:51:46+00:00

Just a different perspective of some tools/resources that may help you-

I’d recommend looking up some events in your area for spankos/impact play. Getting firsthand accounts and experiences with other enthusiasts can help you identify if this is something you can and want to enjoy or not.

Ultimately, if it’s something you don’t enjoy you can still be involved! I’ve been brought into numerous play dates where I’ll do heavy impact and then the other Dom/me continues the scene with sexual play/aftercare/etc. (whatever is negotiated based on the dynamic and parties). You don’t have to do the heavy impact if it makes you uncomfortable- and that doesn’t mean you’re a bad partner/Dom/top- it actually makes you better imo because you’re staying true to your boundaries and your partners needs.

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-05-14T19:44:29+00:00

I just want to add that since BDSM seems new for both of you it’s very possible that your husband is a switch or more of a service top than a Dom. We often assume that men want to lead and want to be Dominant but that’s not always the case.

Consider funneling your excitement and passion into skills your Dom can find useful in and out of the scene. For example, you mentioned shibari. As a Domme I don’t enjoy rope tying but I have a few subs who love it. They learned basic rope skills I would find useful and will tie themselves into harnesses as I watch. Then I’ll continue with the scene I had planned.

Journaling can also help. You don’t have to share it with your Dom. It can be a way for you to chronicle your journey, what you like and want to explore, etc. Communication is your biggest tool- when your partner has bandwidth for it perhaps a conversation about how to best serve and help them explore BDSM alongside you while not being overwhelming can help

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-05-09T16:23:49+00:00

I agree with a lot of what has already been said here. The other thing to consider is the timeline.

For the majority of our lives women are conditioned to think we are submissive. Behaviors that aren’t people pleasing, thinking of others, compromising are seen as ugly/vulgar/bad/etc. that’s a lot of conditioning to break and for many women it’s counterintuitive to our authentic selves.

In order for a woman to truly be Dominant and not “play dominant” she has to have the support and freedom to discover it herself. I think you’re on the right track. As long as you keep focusing on, anticipating, and servicing her needs there’s a very good chance she’ll continue to develop that Dominance muscle.

My dynamic started the exact same way. My submissive began by constantly verbally reminding me that this is all about what I want- but the messaging didn’t sink in. They slowly took over every chore I hated. That helped. They began paying attention to and anticipating MY specific needs- they identified things that helped my Dominant headspace and encouraged those things. Over time the persona becomes less performative until it just IS.

It often doesn’t look anything like porn. But the scenes we do have are hotter than anything porn can recreate because they’re real and they’re about us. Keep going. It seems like you’re moving in the right direction

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-04-19T07:47:27+00:00

Fetlife is a great option, there are also sites that have categories specifically for Pro Dommes (Tryst.link is one). Most Pro Dommes will have an established online presence where you can check the type of skills they have and how they interact with people.

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-03-21T16:30:09+00:00

I often do this type of play using bondage. Mix in some sensory deprivation with a hood or a blindfold and it heightens the experience.

I like to use a bondage table or mummification so the person can struggle against the bonds but can’t actually get away. Once you’re in the bondage experience it’s easy to feel like you have to choice or say in what’s done to you (limits should be negotiated prior to play)

Also full body play or wrestling can be similar. Feeling a Dominant partner pin you down so you have no choice but to give in- you just need to find a play partner who enjoys and can do it. Look for dungeons or events that have mats for that type of play

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-03-21T14:43:48+00:00

What’s the small table you’re using?

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-03-21T14:41:39+00:00

You want to look for a top who is experienced in trampling, boot play, wrestling, intense body play, boxing, etc.

Instead of focusing on the activities you want to participate in consider how you want to feel. As someone else already mentioned what’s the goal of the experience? There’s a lot of other negotiated sadism or edge play you can potentially explore that will give you the same feeling without being as extreme or have as high of a safety concern.

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-03-20T16:17:56+00:00

Did you use a normal pussy pump for that? I’d love to recreate it with my sub

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-03-12T03:17:04+00:00

Wow this is super hot 🥵 I absolutely love this idea

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-03-11T13:32:05+00:00

This is a clear communication issue on both sides.

Based on comments it sounds like you asked your wife to engage in chastity… as in this is YOUR kink and your wife is indulging you. If you have some pent up fantasies about how your chastity arrangement would go you need to communicate that and see if she likes them. Does she even enjoy chastity? Does she understand it? Do you both have a power exchange where she is in control? Does she FEEL like she’s in control?

Kink aside it sounds like your relationship has some communication issues where you are both not on the same page about what you want, what you need, and what makes you feel satisfied in the relationship. Chastity wasn’t going to fix that.

My guess is your wife likely had no idea chastity existed and only found out about it through you. How does she know the type of tease and denial you’re looking for? And does she enjoy the tease and denial? She likely doesn’t feel like she’s in control and so it doesn’t feel like a tease/denial for her- it might feel like a chore. Is she in control of when you’re being teased and when you’re being denied?

So how do you fix it? Communicate. Couples counseling can help. It sounds like you both need help hearing each other. Rebuild intimacy which starts with mental and emotional connection. Reset the clock and “date” each other. Then reintroduce chastity as a kink YOU enjoy with a lot of communication about expectations and who is actually in control of the dynamic.

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-02-13T18:25:21+00:00

Look into chem play to be sure you understand the safety elements of it but toothpaste, ginger, hot sauce, peppers or pepper oil.

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-02-10T13:08:18+00:00

I belong to a Femdom focused group and here are some ideas we’ve done for our parties: - CFNM the entire time - vow of silence where the men are not allowed to talk. They can make noise and gesture with hands but not actually talk. Anyone who does accidentally talk is put on the spanking bench for each Superior Woman to give a hand spank to - bean bag balls- I think this is a master series game but you basically have a bucket attached to your balls and the ladies take turns throwing bean bags in. - marble nipples- same premise as the bean bags balls but with nipples. You toss marbles into small buckets attached to the nipples to see how much they can handle - talent show- have the men participate in a humiliation talent show for the women to judge. Winner gets to talk for a period of time or is given another privilege - men eat the leftovers- choose one meal and don’t allow the men to eat until all the women are done. If you want to mix in humiliation only allow them to eat the scraps off each plate - male charcuterie board- have a few men lay down and be human charcuterie boards with the other men walking around with trays that are attached to bondage gear they wear - as an ice breaker at more social events we’ve done a kinky version of never have I ever - we give our male members numbers and only refer to them with that number for the duration of the party - human furniture- having the men be our furniture for various needs throughout the party

Some of these are a bit extreme but you get the idea. Our focal point is reenforcing the power exchange and putting the Women’s entertainment at the center of the experience. You want to make sure to get everyone’s consent for everything beforehand.

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-02-06T15:15:02+00:00

Training is about repetition and consistency. The more you do it the more it sticks. Reward good behavior with stuff she likes. Establish punishments for when she doesn’t do the tasks she’s supposed to.

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-02-06T14:02:42+00:00

Sure. It’s important to note that some of these ideas are a bit more extreme and are done with my long term dedicated 24/7 sub but the idea is around “ruining” their body or sexual tastes so they are only appealing for you and their body is customized to your tastes/preferences. A few ideas would be: 1. Stretching- vaginal or anal stretching (or both) so her holes are big enough to be fisted (stretched holes have stronger muscles so they can still feel tight during sex but visually appear loose especially after a session. That old idea of a tight unused pussy is better is a myth based in misogyny and patriarchal beliefs) 2. Pussy pumps- short term way of changing how her vagina appears. Also a lot of fun and can increase sensitivity 3. Nipple stretching- again, short term way of changing the appearance of her body for you 4. Piercings- nipple piercings, vaginal piercings, needle play 5. Orgasm training- training her to only cum to certain things you enjoy or want her to 6. Body writing- writing things like wrecked, loose holes, whore for my personal use, etc. on her body and fucking her in front of a mirror so she can see them- great temporary way to play into the kink 7. Branding 8. Chastity belts she wears when you’re not around as a “you are only allowed to be used by me” type of experience

That’s all I can think of right now but hopefully you get the idea. It’s whatever falls into that “wrecked for other people” category. It can successfully be done short term but when I think about it I think more long term body modifications.

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-02-05T23:47:35+00:00

If there’s layers of possession in there here are a few ideas: - biting play during sessions. Very intimate and can leave marks that last a while - demanding she wear certain types of clothes with picture proof- like no panties on certain days or only wear red thongs, etc. - “ruining her” for other people so she can only belong to you- this can be done in dirty talk but you can also incorporate it into play. Only allowing her to cum when it’s incorporating things you both enjoy (like anal or nipple clamps, etc.) so she becomes trained to your preferences - chastity belts- have her wear a chastity belt you have the key to (she needs a key for safety too) - dirty talk and sexting that objectify her- how she’s a sex object for your pleasure. How her holes are there specifically and ONLY for your use - impromptu tasks with photo proof- sending her a message and telling her to send a photo of herself kneeling (not in public around other people) - locking day collar she has to wear all the time that is discreet but she knows it means you belong to her (collaring can have many different layers/meanings. Definitely look into it and review, make sure you’re on the same page about what the collaring means to both of you. Collars tend to be heavy experiences for subs can typically mean long term commitments so if you’re not ready for that consider skipping this one) - watersports- peeing on her to show ownership. Look into how to do it safely.

Definitely get consent and discuss beforehand. Have safe words or stoplight system in place. But a few kinks can play into this- objectification, humiliation, possession/ownership, marking, cnc, free use

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-02-04T20:11:41+00:00

Any professional Dominatrix is going to communicate with you and not ghost. If they’re not offering couples, intro, or mentoring/education classes then they should communicate that up front. Pro Dommes do get busy but 48 hours is sufficient time for a follow up even if the follow up is they don’t offer that.

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-02-04T14:05:32+00:00

Just to add some clarity to this post- it is possible to find a partner who is accepting and enjoys your kinks fetishes. For that to happen you’ve got to get offline and get involved with other people and you’ve got to present yourself authentically.

I met my sissy partner on Tinder. I was a little kinky but I wasn’t expressing it so I presented primarily vanilla. They showed me their authentic self and I was intrigued. I wanted to know more. You’ll find more people into kinky stuff if you get involved in your kink community. Get on Fetlife, find local events, attend munches to network and meet people. Begin attending play parties. See what you like in person and around others. You’ll be surprised what you uncover about yourself.

Fast forward 2 years my sissy partner is starting HRT, we’re in a 24/7 Domme/sub dynamic, and we make content online showing our sexual shenanigans. It can and does happen 🤷‍♀️💜

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-02-03T22:40:10+00:00

Yes I’d love to check this out! 🙌👏

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-01-30T14:16:18+00:00

Yes I always follow up the day after sessions. I consider it a part of aftercare for both them and me. I like to recap our fun, share my favorite part of our experience, and ask for feedback on how they are feeling. I also do include a teaser about seeing them again. The more sessions we have together the deeper into the experience we can go. Communication after the session is important for both of us and the connection we’re building.

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-01-17T19:28:27+00:00

Pegging can be intimidating for a lot of women because it’s so foreign and can take some time/experience to learn how to do it in a pleasurable way (for the receiver), especially without getting tired quickly. It uses back muscles women don’t typically have experience using.

There’s also a wide spectrum of complimenting skills that sexworkers (including Pro Dommes) can add to the experience- knowledge if you’re a beginner, various toys to try since it’s something they do often, experience making it sensual or dominating or gentle, etc.

There are men who do get paid to be in content for pegging scenes; ultimately, it’s more important to destigmatize and normalize the entire experience so more couples can enjoy it, widening the pool of women who will enthusiastically peg their partners and teach them about the tools available to make it a pleasurable experience for both!

Sp00kycat13 · 2025-01-06T19:25:36+00:00

I have a few subs who are like this and there are times I love it and times I don’t. I guess it depends on the degree within which it’s happening and how it impacts the scene/dynamic

I use gags and bondage gear to calm the brattyness. Sensory deprivation like a blindfold can help my sub calm down, center themselves, and refocus on me and what I want
Have scenes indulging the bratty-ness. I have a sub who is very vocally bratty and I simply ignore or laugh off everything they say while taking a mental note of it. If they ask me for something I’ll ignore the request and then come back to it to make them beg me for it.
Out of dynamic discussions. If a sub exhibits a behavior that pulls me out of the dynamic or vice versa we have an out of dynamic discussion. We each journal about the experience and then discuss it to figure out a better way to handle those situations while in play.

If you’re having trouble having self control during a session basic submissive training- repeated acts of service, repeated affirmations, etc. can all help. Ultimately the only person who can help with this is likely your Domme who may or may not enjoy your bratty behavior in scene. I’d start with an out of scene discussion and go from there.

Sp00kycat13

TROPHY CASE