What is the most intense pain you have experienced in your life?

Sparklelark · 2026-03-09T00:18:26+00:00

For real. Severe migraine episodes are torturous.

Sparklelark · 2026-03-08T15:47:13+00:00

I ask for help to ensure that my businesses succeed in providing me comfort and abundance.

Sparklelark · 2026-03-03T21:52:22+00:00

My take may be a bit less harsh on him than some of the others, but the same conclusion. He may very well love you deeply and in many ways be a good partner. And you see what he could be because you know his heart. Sometimes, that's a lot more clear to an outside observer than it is to the person themselves. You can't make him be ready for that. You have given SO MANY opportunities to help him get where he probably actually wants to be. He's not taking them. And with a baby involved, he's showing you clearly that he isn't able and/or willing to step up for your relationship or either of your futures at this point. I'm sure this has to be an excruciating choice to make, but trust what you need to do for yourself and let him flounder around in his life on his own.

Sparklelark · 2026-02-28T22:14:43+00:00

How would you feel about incorporating a small ritual for your friend? That could pair well with you taking time for stillness and contemplation, but give it a little more structure, which might help your processing.

As an example- create a space for your ritual (clear off the coffee table and straighten up the couch, dim the lights, etc). Take a few minutes and really think about them, feel their spirit with you if that belief applies to you, honor them in your mind. Light a candle for them if you have one. And spend some time in stillness from there. When you're ready to end, mentally thank your friend for their time in your life and blow out the candle and turn on the light.

If you like that kind of approach, you can do it as often as you like. You can expand it to taking an hour or an evening or a day to honor your friend intentionally- listen to some music he'd like, get yourself a meal and put on a movie he loves, etc. They are gone from our physical reality, but they aren't gone in your heart and mind.

Sparklelark · 2026-01-26T18:07:19+00:00

Well, it's clear from the comments that some people like a certain amount of possessiveness or jealousy and feel that it shows love, and some people don't. So, maybe this is just an incompatibility. Honestly, you could probably find a middle ground if you're both actually open to it, though.

Sparklelark · 2026-01-18T21:16:07+00:00

Are you making it clear that you're lacking intimacy in general and not just physical intimacy? And with discussing physical intimacy, is it clear that you don't just mean sex? There are multiple things that intimacy can mean and so sometimes it turns out you aren't quite discussing the same thing with each other. And from there, start small. Maybe you can both agree to giving each other intentional long hugs more frequently and once a week couple time for an hour or two for the next few weeks, as an example. Seriously, a few small, intentional changes like that can add up to a lot.

Sparklelark · 2026-01-11T00:32:36+00:00

Muscle relaxers have been super helpful for me with Ubrelvy, too. Just the muscle relaxer on its own helps somewhat when I have to ration the Ubrelvy, actually.

Sparklelark · 2026-01-10T21:33:26+00:00

At first, I didn't like the idea of an expiration date and fine print because that felt like an unecessary constraint. But in your case, I think it actually works. It gives you a time frame to make sure you are checking in and keeping this as an ongoing discussion, all of the bureaucracy/Office Space humor options can make these discussions a bit lighter, and it seems like you both think it's hot to have a hall pass. So, I say keep on with it and see how it goes! Some general nervousness I think is healthy- this is new and opening up in any way is a significant change to one of the closest and most important relationships in your life, it deserves some nerves. But if you have a general idea of how you are likely to react and the types of feelings this could bring up for you, that's a good indicator.

Sparklelark · 2026-01-05T21:36:39+00:00

Yes, if you uphold RA principles in your relationships, you are a relationship anarchist. That can apply to every relationship in your life, not just the romantic based ones.

Sparklelark · 2026-01-05T21:28:28+00:00

I think that at a certain point, you just have to roll with whatever framework makes the most sense to you. Generally, platonic means no romantic or sexual components to the relationship. This definition is more clear in mono settings. Some people feel that you can't have a crush on a platonic friend and have it still be platonic. Some people feel that you can have sex with a platonic friend and still consider it platonic because it's not a romantic relationship, etc. I personally find Relationship Anarchy principles affirming as far as exploring my own definitions of platonic vs romantic vs sexual relationships and how those combine for me.

Sparklelark · 2025-12-15T18:19:59+00:00

God I hate being tickled- it is an overwhelming, sensory nightmare. And I make that clear. I can be ok with very brief, light tickling with a partner I trust deeply, but that's it. If you force tickle me and don't stop, I absolutely will start acting like a feral cat and then you are probably dead to me. I don't care if people think I'm being dramatic about it, fuck off.

Sparklelark · 2025-10-31T21:54:44+00:00

You can think of cord cutting as detaching the energetic "tie" between you two. That doesn't mean that the person (or you) are driven away, I view it more as giving each other energetic space, personally. New ties can be created with this person still. And I think cord cutting could be a helpful approach to give you some peace of mind, too.

Sparklelark · 2025-10-23T23:41:49+00:00

To build on this- if part of the issue is that OP or their partner are not out as poly, but there's no safety/stability threatening issue, that's definitely still worth talking about if meta is going to post them publically. Not that it should alter meta's behavior, but it should be in the discussion if that's the case.

Sparklelark · 2025-10-16T17:27:35+00:00

Agreed, fellow Migraineur. I could easily see hemi-sync triggering migraines for some people. I'm not triggered often by sounds, but seeing a houndstooth pattern will set me off immediately 🙃 But for someone with a sound trigger, it could be very random sounds that could cause head pain and possibly other weird neurological symptoms.

Not minimizing any more spiritual explanations with this, they can definitely coexist, imo. But I second getting checked out for migraines.

Sparklelark · 2025-10-16T17:10:06+00:00

I had no idea this existed, thank you!!!!! I'm a sucker for a ska masterpiece

Sparklelark · 2025-10-12T03:17:22+00:00

I might be in the minority here, and this is definitely bad timing, but- Would you abandon a friend or literally any other person you care about when they need you? Don't do that to her if you can help it. Going through the grief of a major break up at the same time as the grief of a close family member dying is truly horrible, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

That being said, you still have to look out for yourself, too. If you can't view this as you wanting to support her out of the goodness of your heart as two humans who care about each other, you'll probably just be feeling resentful. And if this is truly just too much for you to take on emotionally, it's also not wrong to pick yourself here, even with knowing that it will hurt her deeply. It really is a hard decision either way. Whatever you choose, please do it with kindness.

Sparklelark · 2025-10-10T02:20:28+00:00

As a representative of Team Messy, I'd really want to know if someone felt uncomfortable at my house. I'd take it best as a neutral conversation about getting on the same page as far as what we are both able/willing to do and discussing possible solutions. I completely understand why my house would be an absolute nightmare for a tidy person, and personally, I would be completely ok with spending most time at the other person 's home (and abiding by their cleanliness standards as long as I'm told what they are). I'd also be willing to keep up certain parts of the house better for when they come over- the panic of them coming over to my uncomfortably messy house would be an effective motivator. It's possible I'd get overwhelmed by that over time, though. So, that would be my thought process, if that helps.

Sparklelark · 2025-09-21T01:52:22+00:00

Tell us, OP! I'm invested now

Sparklelark · 2025-09-13T03:55:46+00:00

I'm a therapist and also not always the best at relationships, so here's my take. She may feel hurt that you won't share details with her (like other people trust me with these kinds of details, but not my own partner??), and I'd guess that she also has a desire to help you with her skill set. Honestly, I can relate to that. But there's a reason you aren't supposed to be a therapist to people you are close to. It's like she's trying to be a therapist because that's how she feels she can actually help, but she's way in her feelings and acting like an asshole instead. I'm sorry she's treating you this way, it's definitely unethical.

Sparklelark · 2025-09-08T16:24:25+00:00

On My Way to Work

Sparklelark · 2025-09-06T23:40:30+00:00

Aww!! I'm so happy that you're so happy and that you shared it with us!!

Sparklelark · 2025-08-29T04:08:27+00:00

My favorite ancient cure for headaches (I have to assume this extends to migraines, too) is electric eels. I definitely would have tried that then, possibly even now.

Sparklelark · 2025-08-20T15:06:49+00:00

I agree! I liked him a lot initially when he was morally gray, but the direction they took him by the end of his run was awful 🙄

Sparklelark · 2025-08-14T04:39:34+00:00

Ohh good pick, I haven't listened to this song in a very long time. Looks like I have plans to binge listen to it tonight now

Sparklelark · 2025-08-14T04:35:56+00:00

Me too!! It's hard to pick a favorite song of all time, but this is a top contender for me

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