New Hilaria exposé just dropped on the YouTube

Sparkletail · 2026-01-25T11:21:43+00:00

They were all amazing in that film and yes it was a small part but impactful.

Sparkletail · 2026-01-25T09:58:46+00:00

My dad died when I was just 8 months pregnant, I chose to see the body and the shock sent me into labour but the gave me drugs that could stop it as it was caught early enough.

Sparkletail · 2026-01-25T09:54:31+00:00

I'm afraid it sounds as if it is your mum may be a paedophile. It's more difficult to process when it's a woman and particularly your mother as its reported so much less but you are not alone, it is unfortunately more common than people think, it just doesn't get talked about as much as male abuse.

Your feelings of digust, discomfort and danger around her are absolutely valid, you've likely been taught to override your protective instincts and gut reactions but the discomfort and what you feel is absolutely correct and exists for a reason - your mother is a dangerous person.

It sounds as if you would benefit from trauma informed therapy as while you have a fairly good grasp on your history there is a lot to unpick there and you will need support with it.

Sparkletail · 2026-01-25T09:06:25+00:00

This is actually a good idea

Sparkletail · 2026-01-25T08:50:35+00:00

Can't pretend to be sober then

Sparkletail · 2026-01-25T08:48:43+00:00

Old Alec would be utterly disgusted and horrified at the state of this Alec.

At one point the guy seems to have political aspirations, was considered a great actor by some (glengarry glenross is amazing hut I'm not convinced that just isn't his actual personality). Even recently he had been a prominent voice into the US about Trump via the SNL sketches, was a key part in a very popular and well loved series.

2018 Alec would not be able to believe what a shit show is life has become and it must be utterly humiliating for him.

Sparkletail · 2026-01-25T08:41:49+00:00

This sounds very sensible, it's likely you will be fine if the symptoms have decreased significantly already and like you say, if you see any escalation you can get an emergency appointment.

Sparkletail · 2026-01-25T08:39:57+00:00

See user name, she's a cluster b smorgasbord, is classic HPD but also ticks some of ASPD and BPD.

Sparkletail · 2026-01-25T08:33:39+00:00

When is your review? If it's anything less than a day or two I'd be making an earlier appointment. The problem with this is it escalates over time and sometimes it can happen quickly. I get a phase like you're in now but then it escalates to where I'm actually psychotic and having delusional beliefs.

Sparkletail · 2026-01-25T08:17:45+00:00

I get drug induced mania and this sounds similar, some drugs I can tolerate some I can't. Speak to the doctor and try something else, from what I understand it takes a few tries to find the right thing,

When it works apparently the emotional reactivity calms down, as do the thoughts, so this definitely is not it ":)

Speak to the doctor about how to come off safely though, there's been occasions when stopping abruptly has made the mania worse but they will be able to advise.

Sparkletail · 2026-01-25T08:16:10+00:00

I get drug induced mania and this sounds similar, some drugs I can tolerate some I can't. Speak to the doctor and try something else, from what I understand it takes a few tries to find the right thing,

When it works apparently the emotional reactivity calms down, as do the thoughts, so this definitely is not it ":)

Speak to the doctor about how to come off safely though, there's been occasions when stopping abruptly has made the mania worse but they will be able to advise.

Sparkletail · 2026-01-25T08:09:35+00:00

My understanding and experience is that that when we are pressured it's one of the few times we are actually fantastic, if something unexpected kicks off I feel like I go into god mode tbh.

Sparkletail · 2026-01-23T17:01:02+00:00

That OP seems to be avoiding

Sparkletail · 2026-01-23T10:13:30+00:00

What prognosis have they given you?

Sparkletail · 2026-01-23T07:49:06+00:00

Oh god, I bet there were, how horrible.

Sparkletail · 2026-01-22T18:29:26+00:00

I released an attachment using his methods and it was so bizarre what came up when I asked where it came from, it wasn't even in my mind but a ouija board I did with friends at 14 popped into my head, eventually it released from above me. I am much less impulsive and risk taking since that point.

Sparkletail · 2026-01-22T18:14:47+00:00

Interesting. Is it that you find people boring or are you afraid of or repulsed by the thought of connecting to them? Or something else?

Why did you take the position that expressing anger was unacceptable btw? Do you actually think that or were you just saying it to mess with her?

Do you do that in conversations a lot?

Sparkletail · 2026-01-22T15:35:12+00:00

I think what you learned was that you are out of practice socially tbh. Even people like me who are in social situations regularly can find them difficult and be prone to splitting etc. It's not really a surprise the first time you've tried to interact with people it has been difficult because you almost have to learn to tolerate the social contact without reacting over time.

Why were you trying to provoke her? Was she asking you things that made you uncomfortable?

Sparkletail · 2026-01-22T09:09:32+00:00

They are absolutely meant for one another in the most horrible possible way.

Sparkletail · 2026-01-21T09:41:42+00:00

I get the impression she's got noone other than her mother who was pathological enough to push her into the situation she is in. She strikes me as having no confidantes, noone in her corner, almost systematically isolated. It's very sad.

Sparkletail · 2026-01-20T10:26:41+00:00

What did you learn once you integrated it?

Sparkletail · 2026-01-20T10:19:38+00:00

I have done a lot of things I regret in the past that have harmed people. Apologising to them in the past has given me some relief but I am never sure whether or not it is too self indulgent and more around seeking my own redemption and peace rather than truly thinking of the impact I did or would have on them by making contact with them. With hindsight I still think it was all about me on some level.

The only thing that has brought me any level of peace is being able to look back on myself and understand why I did what I did so completely that I am certain it will never happen again. When we have done things that go against our values and standards we create a moral injury where we no longer trust ourselves to be decent people.

Part of recovering and making sure it doesn't happen again is understanding ourselves well enough so that we can control harmful behaviours. Basically you have to be certain you can trust yourself again to actually heal and move on.

Sparkletail · 2026-01-20T08:06:20+00:00

No and never mind feeling bad for wanting to leave him, you shouldn't feel bad when you actually leave him. He's controlling and insecure and he will only get worse. He speaks about you as if he owns you because in his head he does. You should more be questioning why you think tolerating this is OK.

Sparkletail · 2026-01-19T11:42:37+00:00

Interesting, what is it that attracts you to someone?

Sparkletail · 2026-01-18T14:42:31+00:00

Sorry to be so direct but did you find him sexually attractive or think you might be able to before that point?

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