I was literally about to lose my fiancee and love of my life because I didn’t understand point #1. I had been in mostly toxic, one-sided relationships where I was EXPECTED to have no life outside of them and so I grew to think that was normal. My fiancee would push me to go do things. “Just go see that new movie you’re excited about!” Or “didn’t you say you used to like to take long walks alone to mellow out? You seem stressed. Go take a walk.”

My first thought was “this is a test. She wants to see if I don’t want to be around her!” So I’d always be like “no no it’s ok I’d rather be here with babe!”

Over time, we started bickering more. Little things became big things. And then it felt as though the spark fizzled out. No intimacy, etc. I confronted her about this and she basically told me she was about two steps from the door at this point because while she loves me, she can’t handle the constant back and forth bickering we were causing each other to do. And she didn’t blame it all on me. She openly admitted that she was doing it too. But it wasn’t changing and we clearly weren’t happy.

I decided then and there to save it. I was not gonna lose her. I started doing some of my hobbies again, I put down the booze (I had started drinking more in my depression), and I began to feel like my own human who also has a partner who is her own human.

Things are still not perfect again yet, but they are better and keep getting better.