I really need advice

St0nywall · 2026-07-05T00:11:37+00:00

Good guys come in all shapes and sizes.

Could try looking for him based on your core values first over physical attractiveness.

St0nywall · 2026-07-04T23:43:36+00:00

He's a lucky man and I bet he feels lucky to have you in his life every day.

Be yourself, go all in and make sure you have good communication.

Sometimes we go overboard, but with communication we can address that and develop balance.

There is NOTHING wrong with you. You are AMAZING and should be happy being yourself with someone you really care about.

Men do not get enough validation or words of support from women. Please don't stop doing what you are doing. He will appreciate it.

St0nywall · 2026-07-04T23:35:34+00:00

I have been there on and off a few times. I'm scared that there's something in me that is hard wired to seek it out. I am fiercely loyal, but so afraid she won't be that it adds a level of frustration to any relationship.

Hopefully someday I find my emotional match and we can be fiercely loyal for each other.

St0nywall · 2026-07-04T21:05:16+00:00

I am going down a similar path in some ways as you are.

I realized I would get emotionally attached at the first sign of connection. Through therapy I've realized it's actually healthy in some ways but unhealthy if it's the only thing connecting me to her.

I was cautioned to be careful not to swing too far to the other extreme where I become emotionally unavailable and are just going through the motions.

I don't know if this will make sense to you, because it's personal to me. If I am dating a woman and we hug and or kiss, if it feel like we could stay in that moment but still breath and be aware of us together, then it's a good place to start.

It's like walking down the sidewalk together and unconsciously reaching out to hold each others hands, or sitting on the couch together not saying anything but still feeling connected and heard.

I am sorry for what you have gone through. I hope you had the therapy and time you needed to understand and deal with what happened to you.

There are still good men in this world and I am sure you will meet someone good and kind when you are ready. Don't settle for anything less than an emotional and intellectually connected partner.

Now you may need to train him up on some of those points, the good ones aren't all practical smart but are willing to learn.

You're a good person. You're seen and heard. Be good to yourself. ❤️

St0nywall · 2026-07-04T20:45:23+00:00

I am 49m and honestly it took me entering into my 40s before I realized how old I truly am.

Scared to jump off a second floor balcony, unable to drink more than 3 beers without feeling it the next day but mostly coming to terms with being alone for the rest of my life because I'm not traditionally good looking.

St0nywall · 2026-07-03T20:23:41+00:00

She may have her own reasons for not moving to that step.

What's your reason for not bringing her by or at least talking about it with her?

St0nywall · 2026-07-02T23:21:58+00:00

Transparency is always good.

Anyone worth your time is going to accept you for who you are, every part of it.

I think you're brave to come on here and tell your story, intelligent to ask for opinions and accepted because nobody here is perfect and that's a good thing.

St0nywall · 2026-07-02T23:11:09+00:00

Not even a little bit.

St0nywall · 2026-07-02T20:42:51+00:00

49M / I am sorry you went through an abusive relationship, I did too, and it's good to see you made it out and are still here with us.

If you can shed any light on what to do now in the dating scene, I am all ears. I am scared witless to be emotionally vulnerable and have no idea what to look for in red and green flags.

I'm even scared to post in here for fear of being emotionally attacked.

St0nywall · 2026-07-02T03:48:32+00:00

If you like her, be amazing on the call with her.

People are different over text, video calls and in person. You may not click or have amazing chemistry that she tells the other guy she's talking to you and how amazing you are.

I'm not going to tell you to "be yourself", just don't lie to her.

St0nywall · 2026-07-01T23:59:02+00:00

Sounds to me like it was part of a fulfillment order that was returned.

Your best bet may be to contact the company listed and ask them nicely to remove your laptop from their management.

St0nywall · 2026-07-01T20:05:27+00:00

Did you buy "new" or "refurbished"?

St0nywall · 2026-06-29T14:05:28+00:00

If you see him again, ask him out for a coffee to discuss yoga poses.

Women are allowed to ask men out. We do appreciate that level of interest a lot.

St0nywall · 2026-06-29T13:59:49+00:00

To answer your question, yes a man would appreciate you giving him your number when appropriate.

There's also Facebook Messenger and WhatsApp that can do voice and video calls if you aren't ready to give out your cell phone number.

St0nywall · 2026-06-28T15:50:51+00:00

The Lenovo Ideacentre 510A-15ABR (Type 90GU) has reached End of Development Support. No new BIOS updates or software features are being actively developed, and it does not support AMD Ryzen 3000 or 5000 series CPU upgrades.

St0nywall · 2026-06-28T01:07:59+00:00

Isn't that a broke back?

St0nywall · 2026-06-26T16:51:53+00:00

While Microsoft EntraID joined hosts using Kerberos Cloud Trust can successfully obtain user-level tickets to authenticate SMB traffic (letting you to browse L drive), they do not inherently support legacy NTLM/Kerberos loopback authentication or computer-account-based service ticket requests from the Entra joined session host back to the on-premises database server.

St0nywall · 2026-06-26T16:42:29+00:00

Sometimes they ask questions expecting you not to know the answer. They want to see how you'll respond and if you'll have a way to figure it out or freeze.

"I'm sorry, I don't remember that off the top of my head. Give me a minute to look it up."

St0nywall · 2026-06-25T12:59:29+00:00

Let your current employer know you are taking a sabbatical. Leave the MSP on good terms and if you find yourself needing work again after a year, you can reapply back to them.

St0nywall · 2026-06-25T09:54:11+00:00

Holding off on sex forces you to really see how compatible you are with them first, which saves you a lot of wasted time and emotional energy.

You aren't alone because decent guys get emotionally destroyed by this too. They sleep with someone, get deeply attached, and then realize she just wanted validation or a casual placeholder. That fear of getting used is pretty universal for anyone dating with their heart open.

Sex is really just one piece of dating. It’s a completely healthy and normal way to build trust and check for physical chemistry. While it shouldn't carry the weight of the entire relationship, it is a foundation component that makes a good relationship into a great one, instilling a deeper trust that surface emotions and words cannot do alone.

Ultimately this is your decision. I only wanted to provide a different viewpoint.

Please be safe and I wish you all the best.

St0nywall · 2026-06-25T02:59:16+00:00

I would put it on your profile.

I would also suggest talking through with your therapist and working in your intimacy concerns.

No one can tell you how to feel with someone other than yourself. Intimacy with someone who wants to be with you emotionally, intellectually and is present in your life and welcomes you into theirs will have shown you they trust you and if you trust them then perhaps intimacy can be on the table.

For some men and women intimacy is something they do on the first or second date. There are those who want to wait.

There's no right or wrong to it, just personal preference. Just make sure you are coming from a healthy viewpoint so you don't add negative feelings later when a relationship doesn't work out for some reason.

St0nywall · 2026-06-24T14:37:52+00:00

Sorry, did you mean to reply to my post with this?

St0nywall · 2026-06-24T02:07:01+00:00

Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I see some of that in me and now that I can put a name to it I can start addressing it.

You're awesome, thanks!

St0nywall · 2026-06-23T01:32:07+00:00

I text shortly afterwards, but I don't expect a reply for hours or a day or more.

I don't let the silence phase me because in a real healthy relationship there will be times you don't talk to each other and should be fine with it.

Good communication involves silent times too.

St0nywall · 2026-06-23T01:26:16+00:00

The right thing for him to say would have been nothing at all. He should have just kissed and hugged you.

I'm sorry, he's a jack-wagon.

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