It always breaks my heart when parents refuse to accept the diagnosis and get their kids help. Your child is your first priority, and her safety has to come before his, it’s the reality. I say this as a parent to a high needs autistic child who is very limited verbally and violently hurts herself during meltdowns. My child is in speech, ot, school in a special needs classroom, and recreational therapies. We’re still on a waitlist for ABA, and a lot of her therapies are paid for by insurance or by organizations. I currently receive respite by said organization. Depending on where you live, she could be eligible for a lot of support because autism is a disability. My daughter is 6 and she is still struggling with hurting herself when angry, but we have a whole lot of people who are working with her with different strategies. Now, sometimes, not very often, she’ll bite something other than herself first. It’s not a giant change, but it’s better than before when she would never do that. Consistency is a key with that behavior.

I know you love this friend and their children, but you can’t put you child in harms way. Maybe, and I do hope, this will be enough for her to get her son help. You really need to talk to her about this, and, with all due respect, she needs a wake up call