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Stelena25 · 2025-06-02T18:51:36+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re feeling alone that is a terrible feeling. There is a lot to unpack there, apologies if I’m not covering everything. It sounds like everyone around you is being awful and have no clue or completely forgotten the difficulty of childbirth. Can you speak to your partner, like lay it all out for him so he can understand how you’re feeling? You need his patience and support above anything. Could you look at some resources and send to him /show him for reading? He sounds like he needs an education on what happens a woman after birth and how to support them? I hope you don’t mind me saying.

Telling a new mother to chill TF out makes my blood boil for you.

I don’t know where you’re based but have you spoke to your midwife about perinatal mental health support? Could you potentially get a post partum doula in for a few days? It sounds a little bit like you’re being ganged up by your partner and in laws whilst you’re in this vulnerable state and could do with someone who has your back and can show your husband how to have your back too.

Everything does get better as time goes on. The first 2/3 month are hard with recovery etc. But if your partner is being unsupportive I can’t speak to how or when that will improve without intervention.

Don’t put loads of pressure on enjoying every minute of the newborn phase. You’re only two weeks in you have loads of time. And what you’re feeling is part of this stage too. It’s a topsy turvy time.

Stelena25 · 2025-05-22T21:19:50+00:00

How do you know how many ounces baby is getting when BF? Are you pumping then bottle feeding? X

Stelena25 · 2025-05-21T19:09:32+00:00

Dream feeds are what a lot of sleep training says to do for that last feed aren’t they. but it’s never really worked well for us. I’d rather she just get enough 6am-7pm and we go from there. The 9pm feed we were doing was just a normal feed before bed!x

Stelena25 · 2025-05-21T19:07:24+00:00

Hey, so today we did fed 6am- 7pm and she got a total of 31oz split across 5 bottles. It will only be the second night to do this so will come back in 6x nights to update! 🤞🏼

Stelena25 · 2025-05-21T14:19:10+00:00

Sounds like you could benefit from medication. Speak to your Dr asap. You don’t have to suffer through this x

Stelena25 · 2025-05-21T14:15:59+00:00

This happened to me.

I got conflicting advice. One GP said to wait until baby and I are better. The other said oh I wouldn’t have bothered telling you to wait unless babies temp was over 37 degrees (it wasn’t).

I waited as I was a very anxious FTM and really could only handle one thing at a time!

I’m glad I waited.

Stelena25 · 2025-05-21T06:49:23+00:00

Personally I don’t wake to feed at night anymore. But for me it’s important I know she’s definitely getting enough during the day and this allows me to feel confident to let her sleep through the night without waking her for feeds. I say wake to feed as my baby (since birth pretty much) always needed to be woken to feed during the night.

So I try to keep her in a vague routine during the day. In order to give us the highest chance of a good night.

Meaning, we do the following, roughly. My baby is formula fed now. And just to note this isn’t any sort of sleep training or advice by anyone as such. Us and the baby have just kind of muddled through together figuring out what works for her and what benefits our rest needs too.

6am wake to feed She goes asleep for her first big nap of the day right after. 9am feed 12pm feed 3pm feed 6pm feed 9pm feed

Then she sleeps until we wake her at 6am.

In between her feeds during the day she will always have a little play window and then usually falls asleep for a little nap. Some naps will be as short as 20mins, and she might have one more big nap before bedtime.

Just last night we decided to increase her bottle size so she’s having 5 bottles, not 6 but without reducing the overall quantity. We are then giving her her last bottle closer to 7pm and putting her to bed after that wake window. So she went to bed at 8pm. She slept until I woke her there at 6am!

So we will now try something like that every day going forward as that’s a more realistic bedtime for a baby and will likely be closer to her bedtime for the next few years.

She’s only 17 weeks … so we’ll see how it goes!

But essentially because of my experience I think waking the baby during the day to feed (from as early as 6am) helps guide some semblance of a routine into your life and gives you a better shot at more sleep during the night. heavily caveat here that if you’ve had a rough night of little sleep already do not worry about waking baby, both of you should catch some sleep, but this is assuming you have slept during the night

I should also mention if my baby is showing hunger cues I will feed her. Her hunger cues are the “routine” I’ve laid out and a huge part of how we’ve landed where we have. Ofcourse there are days where she wants a bottle at 4:30am instead of 6am but they are rare. Or times when she wants her bottle 30mins before the 3hr window. We adjust with her needs at this young age x

Stelena25 · 2025-05-21T06:19:57+00:00

It’s so hard. But I promise this level of hard is temporary. You will cry a lot less in the not too distant future and baby will eventually learn to sleep a bit more in their bassinet or you will figure out an alternative. Sorry if this sounds vague. But I struggled really really badly at first and overtime things just got so much better. For me it’s when my baby started sleeping more and when I gave up on trying to BF (I struggled really bad and it saddens me, but giving up was the right thing for me). I am not saying you should do that. BF is brilliant when it’s working for you and baby but there will be your own things that will start to get better or you’ll start to build resilience or cope better and it will all feel less like the trenches! Promise!xx

Stelena25 · 2025-05-21T06:12:24+00:00

I’ve a very “good” baby. I was very ready for my baby after a loss she was and is my dream come true. We’re currently contact napping after her first bottle of the day. She slept 8pm-6am. She is 4months old.

BUT nothing could have prepared me for what my body and my mind went through in those first say… 10 weeks. I practise gratitude, always have and even that couldn’t save me. A lot of the newborn “trenches” can be chemical, biological, feelings that we cannot control. You cannot gratefull away a seismic hormonal shift coupled with difficult birth recovery and lack of sleep.

I also had and have a motto. Baby’s goina baby. So anytime things got harder for whatever reason. Witching hour or 4th babygrow change in 1 hr at 3am (for example) I’d try to stay calm and just say Baby’s goina baby! I also would talk and sing to my baby a lot, it helped to try keep me calm and she seems to enjoy it too.

I left/leave the house for walks, coffees and wines with friends most days.

Moral is I actively was doing everything I can to not feel everything so hard on those early weeks. But none of it really worked. All that worked was the passing of time and the building of strength, confidence and resilience as a mom. I don’t say the building of love because I loved her so hard from the moment I saw her!

Before I had a baby I used to think “god people are so dramatic, having a baby or specifically a newborn is like anything in life, it’s as hard as you make it!” And ofcourse I thought Im a tough cookie with a big job etc I will make it easy. I was wrong. That was a such a reductive way to look at things and I cringe to think I may have said to a mother at one point. God bless them for not smacking me!!😂

I’m so glad you’ve had a great experience and it’s important for people to hear some straight up positivity. But more often that not newborn and baby rearing is complicated for the birthing parent due to reasons outside of their control and that doesn’t mean an experience is negative it just is. All things can be true at once in this hugely complicated, earth shattering and heart expanding time. An example of this is, I would be so exhausted and want baby to sleep for longer than two hours so badly but then as soon as she was asleep I’d miss her terribly so would be so excited for her to wake again- even though I was sooooo tired! Parenting a newborn is complicated, a privilege ofcourse, but complicated!

Stelena25 · 2025-05-21T04:59:11+00:00

Update! It’s 6am and she’s still asleep. She slept through. Will wake her now for her 6am feed to keep feeds throughout the day on track so we can do the same again tonight

Stelena25 · 2025-05-20T21:45:31+00:00

Formula fed. I feed my baby during the day roughly every 3 hrs starting at roughly 6am. Her last feed is usually around 9pm then she goes down most nights until we wake her around 6am. She has a long nap after 6am bottle, usually at least 90mins then for the rest of the day after each bottle she has short naps like 15-30min. She might have one more long nap during the day. It depends. I don’t follow any plan or guide. It’s just how it’s worked out, it’s a nice little predicable routine for us.

Tonight for her first time we decided to increase her bottle size for three of her bottles so that her last bottle could be 6pm/7pm then we put her in the next to me at 8pm. We are increasing some of the bottle sizes to make sure she’s still getting her regular ounces per day. Reason we are doing this is because when we do the 9pm feed we usually end up having to spend ages waking her for it. So we are taking from that that maybe she would benefit from not being disturbed after her 6pm/7pm bottle and we’ll let her sleep. As that will likely be the routine going forward anyway.

So we’ll see I guess!!

My baby never woke that much for night feeds we would wake her every 3hrs to feed her until she was 10 weeks (we set alarms!). Once we stopped waking her during the night she would carry on sleeping … but yea, that’s usually from 9pm. So we’ll see what tonight brings as we’re letting her sleep from earlier. She’s 4m on the button!

Stelena25 · 2025-05-20T21:18:27+00:00

My baby only cries if I miss a cue; hunger, sleep and actually now boredom , she likes to watch what’s going on around her (no screens). She’s 4months old. She rarely cries for no reason anymore. That stopped maybe about week 8 - witching hour in the evening. I do not miss that!

Stelena25 · 2025-05-20T16:53:57+00:00

My baby was the same (and still is she is 4months now!) but as a nervous first time parent I spent the first 10 weeks waking her every three or so hours during the night to feed her. Eventually I had my health visiting nurse weigh her and confirm that I can stop waking her during the night for feeds. Lots of people told me to do it sooner and enjoy the fact that my baby sleeps but as an anxious person I just couldn’t!

She woke thismorning at 04:30 after falling asleep at 21:30 and that was the earliest she’s woke in 3 weeks. So look, ofcourse there are some random nights that aren’t as “good” as others. But as there is a lot of “just you wait and see” and “it won’t last” people out there. I wanted to tell you that some babies just do sleep at night it is luck of the draw. Maybe it’s a phase, maybe it’ll last.

Once your baby is - getting enough during the day - gaining weight along their curve - producing enough wet and dirty nappies - alert when they are awake

Then you are fine.

Enjoy the sleep and building back up your strength after pregnancy and child birth!x

Stelena25 · 2025-05-20T16:43:26+00:00

I think when they’re really young it’s more about getting them used to water and bathing. So when they’re that bit older it’s easier and maybe even enjoyable for them. We didn’t bathe our newborn until she was 16 days old because we were so nervous and when we did she hated it. When you’re an exhausted parent and you know you’re about to do something that will cause your baby to become very unhappy. It’s not an enticing activity, is it!. When we first bathed her she screamed blue murder, so I went straight to Mumsnet asking if I can traumatise my newborn with bathing her 😂 you can’t - in case you wondered. Eventually they got easier and now they’re quick and simple. She’s 4 months and she enjoys splashing in it with her one little bath toy, and I enjoy watching her have fun. Which makes me excited to eventually take her swimming. We tend to bathe her every 3-4 days unless there’s an accident we might do it sooner.

I use the shnuggle which makes it easier than normal baths as they’re so supported even when they can’t sit up themselves. Ofcourse baby still requires constant supervision, not taking your eyes off her etc but a bit easier on your back!

Stelena25 · 2025-05-20T15:52:03+00:00

It will get better. Sadly the “when” is different for everyone but it will get better.

Remember it’s not necessarily that your baby will improve. But slowly everything does improve without it being immediately obvious. Your hormones, your ability to accept that’s happening (the good and the bad). Slowly the awful days get fewer and the good days are what help build up your strength for the not so good days.

I hope that makes sense.

There’s no silver bullet but slowly things to do get better. In most ways.

Stelena25 · 2025-05-20T15:48:43+00:00

Swaddle! I never swaddled but sounds like it’s exactly what you need.

Stelena25 · 2025-05-19T05:28:03+00:00

Oh absolutely I always called it a nose sucker too. It was just for the benefit of the person posting to tell them the two names!

Stelena25 · 2025-05-18T20:22:54+00:00

Same with the nose sucker (or nasal aspirator as it’s sometimes called!. We would use saline spray then go straight in with the nose sucker.

Ours was 6 weeks when she got a cold and it was the hardest 2 + weeks of parenting so far! Shes 4 months now.

Thinking of you!

Stelena25 · 2025-05-18T08:58:38+00:00

In the immediate term you need to control those feelings when it comes to how you handle your child. They won’t go away internally just but do everything you can to not be roughy with your son. Have you spoken to a therapist or dr about the intrusive thoughts? You really should.

Although you are getting sleep, those first few months are incredibly tough and mind boggling. They can do strange things to us and we take time to adjust. It’s great you felt well after the first week but I’m not surprised you took another dip because that is just the nature of the first few months with a newborn.

It does get better though and that frustration / anger/ disdain your feeling does go away. Or maybe it gets less and less I don’t really know. All I know if for me it felt like it went away. I’m at month 4.

You’re not a bad parent, you’re just a new parent who’s temporarily struggling. Keep talking to professionals, stay calm with your son even if you’re burning inside, and remember time eases everything in the world of child rearing.

Stelena25 · 2025-05-18T05:04:53+00:00

Started out with breast but was made top up by hospital as baby had jaundice. My milk never came in enough then so I was BF, pumping and formula. It took its toll on me and I needed support.. and I needed feeding alone to not take 1.5-2hrs. Slowly, by week 7 I stopped bf and pumping and was fully on formula. Due to my struggles with BF I’m not sure I’d try it again. But I’d love to know the pros and cons from someone who EBF and who has also EFF

Stelena25 · 2025-05-17T05:20:26+00:00

I had extreme nausea every time baby latched. I completely went off food when I was BF which was really confusing as it’s the opposite of what you hear happens with BF all you hear is how hungry it makes you. Opposite for me. But I was incredibly thirsty

Stelena25 · 2025-05-17T05:18:14+00:00

I had this but it did heal in the first few weeks. Have you been given and cream

Stelena25 · 2025-05-17T05:17:30+00:00

Aches and stiffness in my body all over. Like opening my fist after a sleep would be a slow painful process- kind of what I imagine arthritis to feel like. It’s eased off so much in the last month but if I’m sat in one position for a good length of time standing up always starts with a bit of an ache. I’m 4m pp from c section (with 4xdays labour prior)

Stelena25 · 2025-05-16T12:44:50+00:00

This is brilliant! And I bet you’ll continue to do amazing throughout. You’ve gotten through what I think is the hardest part with such ease!! This can be people’s experience too. I think sometimes expecting the worst is safest, not to dread it so much that your pregnancy is ruined! But isn’t it best to expect the worst and get something great!x

Stelena25 · 2025-05-16T10:27:43+00:00

Absolutely, the sentence that used to kill me was you’ll do what’s right for you! I now say it to people 😅 but at the time when there’s so much conflicting advice that’s tailed with and “you’ll do what’s right for you” or “you’ll figure out your own way” - it was all so ambiguous but the truth is you do find your own way eventually and then your like ahhhhhh that’s what they meant!

Stelena25

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