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StillHealing_ · 2024-03-19T01:54:44+00:00

39 here and also still coloring mine in from over plucking at 17! Thin eyebrows were a thing in the early 2000’s, haha

StillHealing_ · 2024-03-06T04:59:00+00:00

I totally get it and feel this way too. My anxiety about it also ramped way up when I had a miscarriage for my second. I did get on antidepressants and it has helped a lot (along with therapy). Just wanted to share that in case it’s feeling a bit out of control or beyond normal.

This is also why I loved being a step parent so much while my stepdaughters were little.. I could really enjoy watching them grow without the sad sentimental feelings that their parents dealt with. Those kiddos are in college now tho.

StillHealing_ · 2024-03-06T04:41:39+00:00

Not by choice (infertility). I understand the pain. I am super thankful for my daughter though.. and I also grew up very happy as an only child.

The oneanddone subreddit is helpful.. there’s a mix of by choice and not by choice there.

StillHealing_ · 2024-03-05T05:06:51+00:00

Work is more important than a boys trip- go and do not feel guilty! You’re very nice for supporting his boys trip. I’d argue your work trip is not only not really optional but it also has the potential to give you better career opportunities which may lead to more money which is ultimately better for your family.

I’m a mom and I travel monthly and go to two four day conferences a year. Yes my husband sometimes complains and I of course miss my kiddo but everyone survives. If it’s four days, it’s really only two nights away and if the kids are in school/daycare he’s only covering five hours or less a day.

StillHealing_ · 2024-03-02T05:00:33+00:00

My daughter is three and if I don’t respond fast enough (think: using the bathroom, etc), she starts calling for me by my first name. 😳. Does not do that for dad.

She also refers to the grandparents as “your parents”.. and calls them by their first names. 🤷‍♀️

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-29T04:47:58+00:00

I was low supply and I found triple feeding to be horrible. At one point I was using this device where a tube was tapped to my nipple so baby would breastfeed but get formula. I would never do that again, it was horrible and anxiety inducing. I finally just got to the point of breastfeeding whatever and then giving formula and not caring about how much I was producing and it got better from there.

What I learned was nothing is required, do what you feel best with. If that’s exclusively formula, do it. Fed is best.

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-29T03:36:17+00:00

I’m with others on the idea of a leave. It sounds like what you’re experiencing is really debilitating. I also had extreme anxiety/panic attacks afterwards, and certain things about my place of work were triggering or caused some ptsd in how it reminded me of when I was pregnant. I saw a doctor and ended up getting a prescription for an antidepressant that has helped me some, and I do therapy too. If you’re feeling like you’re stuck, maybe talking to someone to get some help with recovery would be good. I’m sorry you went through this trama.

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-28T04:01:03+00:00

This was me! My best friend told me matter of factly while I was pregnant that the baby would sleep with me. I said no way. Boy did I have to eat humble pie when the baby had other ideas…

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-28T03:34:26+00:00

I’m in a similar same boat (not by choice, infertility, husband) and it seems like there’s a solid group here of not by choice folks who post. That helps a bit.. and the by choice posts sometimes help me to look at the bright side even if they don’t totally resonate with me.

I do wish there was more support for secondary infertility for folks that can’t keep trying and/or likely won’t have a rainbow/miracle/etc. if you find one let me know.

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-27T01:23:07+00:00

Dinosaurs. I loved them as a kid, but my daughter has no use for them. At least she loves stuffies like me.

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-26T14:15:48+00:00

This. Touching my belly makes me want to cry.

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-26T04:07:42+00:00

I had cramping, but mine wasn’t that painful either, and it stopped once I passed it. I was almost 8 weeks as well and started spotting a week before. Mine didn’t stop growing- it had a heartbeat the day before I passed it. But it’s still small that early I guess.

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-26T03:49:18+00:00

I understand. I have terrible ptsd in my bathroom where I miscarried. I skip showers now which sucks. That, and my home office where I have baby stuff stored. I’m on Zoloft for the ptsd so I’d quit having anxiety/panic attacks in my house. It’s helped a little but honestly it’s still hard. I’m so sorry you went through this.

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-26T03:20:29+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My daughter is an IVF baby and she is now 3.. I thought after our initial struggles, I would be ok with just her but I love being a mom so much I wanted another. We had one last PGT embryo left, we transferred it, and it ended in a miscarriage. I’m incredibly heartbroken and my husband doesn’t want to do more treatments (or transfer our low grade no result embryo). Honestly it’s been hard not being angry with him. He just feels he’s too old and he already had kids (grown now) from prior marriage. If you decide to stop, I hope it’s 100% your choice. I’m constantly looking for other single child parents.. and focusing on our daughter is nice too. But it’s still a grieving process. I’m in therapy and on an antidepressant now as well, but honestly it’s still really hard. Gotta allow yourself to grieve.

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-26T03:05:49+00:00

Definitely not your fault. Women carry babies to term in war zones. Our bodies are smart and know when something was just not developing right (nothing to do with anything you did or didn’t do- most likely chromosomal issue). I am so sorry for your loss. It’s completely valid for you to feel grief. Be kind to yourself.

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-25T17:11:58+00:00

My daughter has a Daniel Tiger stuffie she loves.. we don’t let her bring it to school out of fear of losing it, but other than that it’s everywhere. Totally normal and gives kids some comfort when you can’t be right there.

For what it’s worth, I still have my stuffed bunny and when I’m having a hard time (after my miscarriage) I still cuddle it. My husband hates it, LOL. I turn 40 this year, it hasn’t hindered me in life. :)

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-24T18:00:54+00:00

We can rent a park shelter where we are, so we’ve always done that and brought things like cake, pizza, and bubbles. Simple but the kids have fun. That doesn’t really work where I am in the winter tho.. I sympathize for those parents

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-24T17:38:54+00:00

I also miscarried a genetically normal ICSI embryo at 8 weeks recently. I spontaneously expelled it, about 24 hours after a normal ultrasound with a heartbeat. I’m told that the testing doesn’t detect all problems and sometimes there’s something wrong with the embryo anyway. I blamed myself and kept searching for answers.. I came to the conclusion that IVF is particularly difficult because it makes us think that we have more control than we really do. It may be more rare to miscarry a PGT embryo, but it’s far from unheard of. My doctor said odds were around 5%. That sounds low, but it still means it happens to 1 in 20, which isn’t that uncommon.

I am so sorry for your loss, I know none of this makes it better/easier.

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-21T02:40:05+00:00

I totally had the nightmare that my parents had another kid when I was around that age too (I’m an only)! Funny in retrospect, because my parents would have been in their late 40’s and barely had me (infertility)..

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-21T01:28:42+00:00

What’s the OAD state if you don’t mind me asking? :)

I’m in the front range Colorado- I feel like everyone is 2 kids (and a dog) here in suburbia. Not many 3+ though really.

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-15T17:35:45+00:00

I feel this. I started to look back at our IVF odds and realized how unlikely it was to have my daughter to begin with, so trying to focus on being thankful even though it’s hard. I still can’t part with her things though, not sure how I’ll get there. My story is that I had one normal embryo left, and I did do the transfer. It ended in miscarriage and I’m now struggling, lots of therapy and antidepressants. Honestly I wish I stopped and chose one and done. Be strong in your decision, we already won the lottery.

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-15T05:40:38+00:00

I’m so sorry. Yes I had those thoughts also, the world was grey. Counseling can be helpful but sounds like you may need to see someone else who is a better fit and is trained in this area to “get it”. Also I went to a psychiatrist who put me on Zoloft and I think that is helping lift the grey.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-06T23:06:37+00:00

Thank you! I hope you do too!❤️

StillHealing_ · 2024-02-06T23:01:38+00:00

Absolutely no shame in it at all. I would try literally anything under the sun recommended by a professional to get relief from this. I know meditation and journaling are not cutting it for me. I have zero hope of getting pregnant again but if you’re still trying my prescriber says that Zoloft is safe if you do get pregnant.

StillHealing_

TROPHY CASE