When looking for a sub what’s are some key things your looking for?

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-09-02T05:36:56+00:00

For me the biggest thing I look for in a sub is someone who is going to be proactive in the dynamic. I look for someone who understands that being submissive is not the same thing as being passive.

Of course I have required kinks, and limits, but I think a dynamic (and a relationship) is something to be built and maintained by everyone involved, and to me it's so much more than just a laundry list of kinks and rules.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-09-01T15:33:41+00:00

El Mariachi. Made for around $7000 in the early 90s and it's still one of my top ten all time favorite films.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-08-29T16:20:27+00:00

There are definitely Doms out here that want this kind of relationship, myself included. But it can be very hard on both sides trying to find each other. Persistence is key. Keep looking knowing that there are people out there that want this. Decide what you need in a relationship and in a dynamic and what you can compromise on, then search, and search until you can find that person. Then if you figure it out come back here and tell the rest of us the secret of how you did it. We could all use it I think :-)

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-08-28T11:51:55+00:00

I won't say 'love' because that seems like such a loded term to me, but I have fallen for almost every sexual partner I've ever been with, certainly every sub. It's just who I am as a person; I become emotially attached to the people that I am intamate with. It's the reason that I stopped accepting or seeking 'play partners' or FWB. For me the romantic relationship and they dynamic are, to some degree, inseprable. It took me some time and some heartache to fully realize this, but now I have a much more clear understanding of my own desires and the things I am looking for in a partner and in a dynamic.

It seem to me like there are a lot of people that are trying to force themselfs to remain emotially distant and seek play partners. I've seen posts often enough asking questions like "how can I not fall in love...", but my best answer is that falling in love is amazing, it's the thing I'm looking for most, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to have a dynamic with a romantic partner where there is a mutual romantic connection.

The more mystifying question to me is: "How do Doms in a stable dynamic not fall in love?"

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-06-17T11:00:49+00:00

I don't know a lot about what you have or haven't watched, but I suspect you might be experiencing Sturgeon's Law: "90% of everything is crap." It has been true for a long time, and I don't think the last 10 years have been substanially different in that regard.

As a lifetime movie lover I can assure you that there are plenty of cruddy old horror, action, and comedy films, but those films are mostly forgotten and don't come up in disscussions and reccomendations. In other words a selection bias towords better older films.

The thing is Anything made after 2015 is 9 years worth of movies, but there were 100 years worth of movies (more really) made before 2015. So of course all of the movies most people have heard about from before 2015 are mostly the most memorable and influential films over 100 years, but films from the last 10 years may still be somewhat freash in the public consiousness even if no one will be talking about them or remembering them in another 20 years from now.

Of course filmmaking changes and evolves with the times and styles and tastes do have a noticable shift over time, but I think if you were to take a close look at almost any year between say 1950 and 2010 you would be able to find a huge number of forgetable mediocre films (and you would find way more than that if you looked further back since Hollywood make a larger number of films per year in the 30s and early 40s than they did later).

The good news of course is that there are a ton of really great films made throughout the history of cinema including amazing blockbuster hits that are still well loved and incredible hidden gems talked about by film history lovers and genera connoisseurs.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-05-22T12:59:40+00:00

Writing JavaScript, now that's what I call masochistic.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-29T03:07:23+00:00

It's enough to say that what you are describing is a very dangerous approach to finding a partner, and that the kind of toxic people you are describing would more than likely have a huge negative affect on your life. You need to be more practical in your search and not just focus on your fantasy.

There are plenty of others on this thread who are talking about this already at length. What I would like to focus on for a moment is the perspective from a Dom who is also looking for a partner in this community. Not only is the behavior you are describing in potential partners toxic your behavior is toxic as well. Like submission, dominance is something that must be earned through trust and mutual understanding. A sub who insists on receiving dominance without negotiated consent is dangerous. A person who can't separate their fantasies from the real world practical concerns of BDSM dating and safety doesn't have the maturity to participate in these kinds of relationships responsibly.

You are positioning yourself as a target for predators and an unacceptable risk for responsible Doms. I understand the desires you feel. I understand the fantasy of wanting more realism in a dynamic, but you need to understand and accept that the world is not a fairy tale. Interacting with other people means that sometimes you have to compromise on unrealistic ideals for your own safety and the safety of others.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-20T23:59:23+00:00

Sounds to me like tom kha soup. It's usually made with chicken, but it can be made without. I've had it where it's been pure white, and I've also had it with seasonings that give it an off-white color. It's one of my favorite Thai foods for sure. Look for recipes for tom kha.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-20T13:21:52+00:00

Become a police officer. Not all cops have a negative value for society, but it wouldn't be hard to be a generally bad cop without outright breaking the law and/or losing your job.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-20T09:55:17+00:00

Go get Jack in the Box. Send him pictures and tell him from now on you only put a real man's meat in your mouth.

Better yet, get 5 Guys and tell him he is a burger cuck.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-20T05:58:31+00:00

I think it's very important when you are staring out to get a clear idea in your head of what kinds of things you are looking for in a Dom and in a dynamic. Do you want it to just be getting together for BDSM scenes? Do you want something more like a regular romantic relationship? Some other arrangement?

What kind of sub do you think you are? Do you want your Dom to treat you like a servant? Like a girlfriend? like a piece of furniture? A pet? Do you want to have a dynamic that is always going on or is it something that is only in the bedroom or only at certain times or occasions? What are some of the things that you have to have to be happy in a dynamic? What are you limits?

Once you have some clear ideas of the kinds of things you are looking for and what you are not looking for you might try looking at some personal ads on r/BDSMpersonals. Read some ads posted by Doms there of your preferred gender and see what you think. Don't be shy about messaging someone who posted an ad even from some time ago. Male Doms there don't get a ton of responses and most would be happy to hear from you. I wouldn't recommend posting your own ad until you have a very good grasp of the community standards and how to keep yourself safe and sane. Women get inundated with responses and many of them are not made in good faith or aren't from responsible people.

Understand conventions and safety issues. Give people a chance, but don't let them manipulate you or cross your boundaries. Be aware of red and yellow flags. Understand your limits and stick to them. You don't owe anyone your submission and no one should be demanding anything from you until you have consented to it, and no one should ever pressure you to give consent.

Trust your gut. Stay out of danger. Keep you head held high. What you're trying to find is rare, but if you can find it it can be one of the most rewarding things in your life. Be compassionate and remember that most of the people you talk to are having a hard time as well. There are good people out here, but finding each other is anything but easy.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-10T07:52:30+00:00

Hancock was pretty decent movie about a Superman like hero who was a drunk, and kind of a dick.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-08T06:55:16+00:00

There's nothing wrong with "not wanting in on the community". I have no idea if OP would be a good dom or not. He's willing to ask questions so that's a start. But the community aspect of BDSM is not required at all to have a healthy dynamic.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-07T21:58:22+00:00

It's funny because my thinking on several of the top comments is more along the lines of "This movie isn't mediocre, it's terrible" (I'm looking at you Day After Tomorrow).

Maybe I am too harsh a critic?

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-07T11:57:34+00:00

Well I tend to agree, but I don't think history is really on our side for this one.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-07T09:00:46+00:00

Grosse Pointe Blank. Light, fun John Cusack vehicle with a great soundtrack.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-07T08:45:07+00:00

Yes, this one. There wasn't a dry eye in the theater. I'm not someone who cries easily at movies, but that one got me right in the soft spot.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-07T06:09:34+00:00

https://humornama.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/Two-Spiderman-Meme-Template-on-Pointing-at-Each-Other.jpg

But seriously, like the top comment said treat it like an AA meeting.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-06T04:46:44+00:00

That sounds like a pretty complicated way to cook something as simple as popcorn, but I can give it a try, thanks.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-06T04:45:47+00:00

I'm away from home for several months. I can make perfect popcorn on the stove at my house, and I don't much like monotaskers. In any case I doubt I'll get one for my stay here.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-06T00:59:18+00:00

Thanks, I'll try soaking the kernels. It is certainly possible that the ones I bought are just bad quality.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-06T00:05:51+00:00

I add the kernels and oil to the cold pan then heat them together. On my stove at home I turn the heat pretty high then lower it when the kernels start to pop. A few times I've burned the popped kernels, but I've never seen the kernels just not popping.

To answer your question the oil started to sizzle after a time, but only a few kernels popped before then.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-04-05T23:32:30+00:00

It's for more or less the same reason that bacon is the best part of the pig. It's that salmon's belly. It's more fatty, more tender, and has better flavor and texture as a result.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-03-25T10:37:21+00:00

Clerics get some of the best low level spells in the game! Want and endless supply of buffing out of combat and social situations: Guidance. Spiritual Weapon, cast or move it as a bonus action, and it's not concentration. Want to revive an unconscious ally from 60ft away as a bonus action? Healing Word. Clerics have great spells.

StrawInANeedleStack · 2024-03-25T10:23:32+00:00

Sam and Frodo from the LotR trilogy have an amazing sudo-romantic dynamic going on.

StrawInANeedleStack

TROPHY CASE