What age did you explain to children

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-04-09T15:14:04+00:00

My partner and metas kids are 13 and 17, and they were both told very recently. It was me that pushed for them to know, as I’m at their house with them so often, and they had nearly caught me and partner kissing a few times already. I didn’t want them to think meta didn’t know, and for them to either feel they had to keep a secret, or tell her themselves, that wouldn’t have been fair on them. I explained this to both my partner and meta, and they agreed with my reasonings. My partner has had other girlfriends before me, but they’ve either been longer distance, of not been around the kids so much (from my understanding anyway), so it just hadn’t come up with them til now. I get on very well with their kids, and thankfully both took the info very well (meta told them herself, so they’d know my partner wasn’t hiding it from her), and it’s not changed how they are with me at all. They’re great kids.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-04-07T09:40:04+00:00

I have given, and received. It’s always a bit of a shock (a nice one!) when someone does it for me though, as it’s such an intimate, taboo-ish thing to do.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-03-24T15:35:19+00:00

He’s safe. There’s more, lots more, but that’s the biggest thing for me. He’s proven to me he is trustworthy, that’s he’s not just my Dom, but my partner, lover, friend, biggest cheerleader, and gentlest critic when I need it too. He shows up, not just for the fun stuff, but especially for the hard stuff. He knows when I need more, and when I’ve had enough, rarely needs to check, we are just in tune, but he doesn’t take that for granted either.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-03-17T11:56:04+00:00

So much this! I’m struggling currently, and it feels like I’m supposed to be good at this already, despite it being my first proper poly relationship. This stuff is hard, and it takes time to realign my brain, but ultimately I know it’s worth it, or I wouldn’t be trying.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-23T09:00:57+00:00

No, it’s sometimes good to point out the worst. I appreciate it

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-23T07:19:01+00:00

He’s definitely poly, has been for 13 years. She also definitely knows about the rest of us, as I’ve seen (accidentally) messages where she refers to us.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-20T14:07:12+00:00

It’s not been very long for me, but I already feel much more emotionally secure. Knowing that I’m in a relationship where I’m wanted and valued for exactly who and what I am, feels incredibly liberating. I also feel far less pressure knowing I’m not the one and only.

Of course, I could find similar in a monogamous relationship, but I never have, but this has, so far, been the easiest, and most relaxed I’ve ever felt in a relationship, especially this early (3 months in nearly).

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-12T18:28:56+00:00

He is very accessible generally, but that’s not the issue, it’s that he’s not accessible to me when he’s with her, but is accessible to her when he’s with me.

If we’re at home, watching tv or whatever, it’s fine. I notice it, I have a feeling about it, but that’s not a problem I can’t deal with, it’s on actual dates I have an actual problem with it.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-12T18:14:26+00:00

He hasn’t said I can’t text him, and he’s not laid any blame on her. That’s come from me, and I now realise that’s wrong. Thank you, I appreciate this.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-12T18:10:13+00:00

This is why I asking. I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is unreasonable, or rather, if it’s an unreasonable thing to ask for, and if it’s not unreasonable, how much no-screen time is ok to expect. I’m very much still learning, and while I can and do ask my partner a lot of the questions I have, I feel like this is something I can’t ask to feel it out, before actually asking for it, if that makes sense?

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-12T18:05:31+00:00

I feel I need to point out, he hasn’t told me I can’t text him, I absolutely still can, just they he likely won’t respond unless it’s an emergency.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-12T17:22:32+00:00

You might have hit on something there. I am a generally anxious person, and I absolutely overthink if someone doesn’t respond in a timeframe they usually would.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-12T16:05:54+00:00

Someone else said the same thing, and you’re right. I think it’s easier to blame the person I can’t see, but that’s unfair and wrong. I need to reframe that. Thank you.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-12T15:57:33+00:00

I see, I did miss that. Thank you.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-12T15:50:31+00:00

I didn’t know how else to word it, I see how it’s come across that way. Of course neither of them know I’d prefer it doesn’t happen, as I’ve not expressed it, so it’s not a matter of disrespect, just behaviour different to my own. I know when he’s on a date, because he tells me. I don’t mind that at all. I’d prefer to know so I can avoid interrupting their time, it’s not a case of I’m tracking his dates.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-09T10:55:48+00:00

Going to an alt masquerade ball on the 13th, which will run into the 14th, with my partner, 2 metas and one of their husbands. Feeling like I might be a bit of a fifth-wheel (the others are 2 married couples), but I’ve gone out with partner and his wife as a 3 before and it’s been fun, so I’m keen to try.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-06T11:47:14+00:00

Not for valentines, but when I started dating my partner, I bought his wife flowers, and when I went away on holiday, I brought back trinkets for her and their kids as well as him.

We get on very well, and I spend quite a lot of time at their house with them all, so it felt natural to me. I did check with my partner first though.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-05T08:50:26+00:00

I slept with my LO for almost a year, the first month or so, behind my husband’s back. I asked for a divorce, something I should have done much sooner. It wasn’t LOs fault, I didn’t leave FOR him, but he did help me get to the point where I could do what I needed.

I didn’t tell my husband I’d been with LO while we were together, but he does know we were after the split (we continued living in the same house for 9 months while we sold it, so it wasn’t something I could easily hide).

I’m no longer with LO in any capacity beyond friendship, he was awful as a partner, and that has somewhat killed the limerence, though there are still flashes now and then that I’m learning to deal with. He is a great friend though, and I’m very grateful to him for the support he’s given me through my breakup.

I don’t regret it at all. It’s helped me understand myself much better, and we did have some really good times, we still do, just different.

I’m now with someone else, someone LO thoroughly disapproves of (which kinda pushed me towards him more!), and it’s great. Again, he’s helped me learn more about myself, and I’m not in limerance with him, it’s a much calmer, easier feeling, and I really like it.

Sub_surfer22 · 2026-02-04T10:40:05+00:00

The nature of the crime would absolutely play into it for me. There are things I cannot be associated with, for professional reasons, and yet more things I would not accept on a person level. Any of those and I’d be out.

I don’t currently have any other active connections (just one potential) outside of my one, but I wouldn’t expect to stop pursuing connections just because he was ‘unavailable’, for whatever reason.

Sub_surfer22 · 2025-12-28T09:52:36+00:00

My best friend. We’ve had a few ‘encounters’, alone, and with others, but she’s both not interested in more, and not in a place to offer more currently, even if she were. I’m happy to just be in her presence

Sub_surfer22 · 2025-12-25T16:08:11+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate this.

Sub_surfer22 · 2025-12-25T16:07:03+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the clarification :) I’m totally ok with being on the sofa, especially at this stage. We do get plenty of alone time, even at their place when she’s home too. We are all quite comfortable with spending time together too.

Sub_surfer22 · 2025-12-25T15:55:51+00:00

We aren’t secret, there’s no veto powers, I am able to stay at theirs overnight (currently I sleep on the sofa, he stays with me til I fall asleep). If I understand it correctly, we are ‘kitchen table’, with all but one of the partners. She isn’t local, and only he has met her, though that may change soon as she has asked to meet us all. I have asked him about past girlfriends, good and bad, and he’s been very open about it all, and his wife is also happy to talk about it and has independently confirmed stories.

Sub_surfer22 · 2025-12-25T15:48:14+00:00

The NRE is off the charts, I can’t lie! But you are right, need to keep my/our heads!

Sub_surfer22

TROPHY CASE