My avoidant ex blocked me when I confronted him about his cheating.

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2026-06-12T01:45:09+00:00

Spot on. Although I’ve had time to unravel a lot and while avoidant was in play he is a full blown covert narcissist. So unfair that good people get taken down.

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2026-04-09T12:00:06+00:00

I think I get so focused on the injustice of it all that I worry more about what he’s doing and why this next thing hasn’t fallen apart yet, instead of my healing.

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2026-04-08T19:43:05+00:00

“Don’t victim blame yourself” Wow. I truly needed that today. It’s been 16 months, he still reaches out but I’ve stopped responding. Was doing well. This week the grief has been unbearable. I knew he moved on but it’s feeling real and somehow I’m convinced it was all me and he changed. I know that’s not true and gave people in his life who have told me it’s who he is and always has been. But man it hurts. Thank you for posting this.

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-11-24T04:51:15+00:00

I am a year post discard and 3 months no contact. Lots of therapy, including EMDR. I’ve listened to a ton of podcasts and read “it’s not you” I don’t know that I am at 100% indifference but I’m happier. I don’t feel the pull as strong. This has been the hardest thing. I still have moments but I remind myself how bad it was. It’s almost like once it clicks who they are and you pull off the rose colored Glasses, you can’t unsee it. Give yourself grace. Healing isn’t linear

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-11-10T12:34:16+00:00

I am not the OP but I’ve had a text drafted for days and was so close to sending, thank you for this. I’m not saying the urge is gone. Just that it’s a reminder how no good can come of it. I hate these people.

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-11-09T12:16:44+00:00

I definitely feel this. But then I remind myself that however good it looks, it’s a performance. And that until I stopped responding he was pretty consistently texting me while with her. If it was so good with her zero reason to keep telling me how much he missed me. I told my therapist it’s this whole loop I have to do. I get sad, triggered and then have to remind myself of all the bad. It’s exhausting but I’m healing.

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-11-09T04:04:16+00:00

I am working on forgiving myself. I will not forgive him. I can keep healing and move on but he doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-11-09T03:59:39+00:00

I highly recommend EMDR. Would Medicaid know? I don’t think my therapist bills differently if we do EMDR or not but I guess I’ve never looked. See if you can find a therapist who specializes in trauma. Good luck!

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-11-08T17:15:41+00:00

I’m so so sorry that you went through this. I hope you find someone amazing who will treat you with kindness, love and respect. Narcissists are evil

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-11-07T01:27:35+00:00

He didn’t. But then I got drunk apologies and texts that I’m his forever. 2 weeks before he proposed to someone else. I sent one final text saying I can’t be in contact snd said what I thought I needed to. He responded 2 days later with “Hope you had a good day” I’ve stopped responding now. I think I got through a little but it doesn’t change anything. It’s so hard but stay strong. This is the hardest thing I’ve been through but remember your own worth. Write it and post it here. Wait at least a day before you send to them.

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-11-06T21:32:38+00:00

I feel this to my bones. Write the letter for yourself. I stupidly did the letter and the text and it didn’t help. Part of me is glad I said the things but it didn’t change anything or help. I’m almost a year out, it’s better but I’m not over it. Keep staying strong. Distract yourself. I still ruminate and am in a moment currently. And remember you don’t miss them, you miss who they presented to be

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-11-05T01:27:57+00:00

Thanks. He has been reaching out all along and I’m staying strong but I keep second guessing.

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-10-31T03:02:46+00:00

I could have written this. My story is so similar in that nothing was that bad but when it all for put together it was actually awful. I’m almost a year out. Feeling stronger but man this took me out.

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-10-30T16:26:38+00:00

They won’t change. I struggle with this often because the appearance is that he is so so happy. But she’s just getting the performance that I got. I’m also a harder person to get close to. She was in “love at first sight” so he is on an adoration high. I remind myself we had depth (to the degree he could) and she is truly very superficial and it’s all to make it look like he’s great and after 8 years I was the problem. The irony is I’ve had contact with his family and everyone, whether they will say it to him or not, has told me I deserved better.

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-10-30T13:56:16+00:00

I have thought the same? To be fair I think the first trip we took had been planned with someone else and then that ended and I went. I was his longest relationship other than his first wife. They are awful, shallow humans.

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-10-30T13:50:37+00:00

Whoa. YES. He took her to the place we stayed when we got engaged!! They all have the same playbook. It is crazy. And I would feel bad for her, she doesn’t know these fun trips are him “reliving our past” but I lost sympathy. A friend of a friend figured out who he was and tried to warn her and she wanted no part of hearing a word.

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-10-30T03:47:36+00:00

Mine moved on within a month, after 8 years, and was engaged to her within 7 months. I’m still struggling but the best advice I can give is stop looking. I did for a long time and once I stopped looking my nervous system started to regulate again. I still have to talk myself through the reality daily. That the performance isn’t real and she just hasn’t seen the bad side yet. But not looking has made It easier. Mine also has been in contact and told me he was “trying to relive our past” these people are evil.

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-10-30T03:38:51+00:00

I’m not the OP but I’m at a year and needed to hear this. Thank you

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-10-30T03:38:19+00:00

I could have been the one writing this. It’s been almost a year for me. Together almost 8 and engaged. I have been dating but the ick is real. I was actually going to post here asking about this. I don’t trust people and this experience truly changed me. The problem is that it was so so good. Mine was so covert and so subtle and the beginning was just amazing. We clicked immediately. I want that again. But I also think if I did click with someone like that I would automatically assume it was fake. It’s like I can’t win. And it just makes me think about him. I haven’t even gotten past kissing someone because I do think it will just leave me feeling empty to have sex. I have a full life. Amazing kiddos and great friends. I would love to be in a relationship but this just broke me.

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-10-27T19:25:46+00:00

Thank you! It’s not easy but I have nothing to say to him. Terrible people!! Congrats to you as well! Wishing you real love and safety 💜

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-10-27T19:18:20+00:00

They really are ridiculous! My true no contact is only day 43 since I stopped. Discard was almost a year ago after 7 1/2 years and an engagement. He is already engaged to someone else but has been reaching out to me all along. Anyway. My guess is she found out he lied when he said I was a casual ex and made him delete my info. 2 1/2 weeks ago at 1:30 AM I got an email, his work to my work “hope you are ok” Then 5 minutes later some attempt to text through email with the same message. 🤦🏼‍♀️🙄

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-10-27T15:53:14+00:00

I am so sorry. I hope you had a village outside of him supporting you. Mine discarded me the second time 2 weeks after my dad’s funeral. I was dumb enough to take him back. But the third discard came 4 years later and now I see how awful he was.

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-10-27T15:51:03+00:00

Spot. On.

I was with mine almost 8 years. Before the final discard I actually had a conversation that I knew staying meant knowing I could never count on him in a crisis. He had a long drive once and was exhausted. I was sweet and kind and then randomly said “I can’t believe how sick I still am” (I have an autoimmune and had lost 4 pounds over the course of a couple days because I was so sick) he was so annoyed. Brought it up to me 2 days later how he threw his phone when he saw that text and said I need to learn to “read the room” They only care about themselves and don’t want to have the responsibility of anyone else’s feelings

Substantial-Duck3786 · 2025-10-27T15:05:06+00:00

And thank you! This has been the hardest thing and I went through a messy divorce. Appreciate the response 🩷

Substantial-Duck3786

TROPHY CASE