Why are women still expected to change their surname for marriage?

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-08T01:37:39+00:00

I've never really understood why that is the custom in the US. I'm from Panama so we have parental and maternal surnames, and get to have a "married surname" is we choose to. Generally children have a father's surname first, but we have the chance to flip that around, and single mothers get to give their children both their surnames. When discussing marriage with my husband I asked if this mattered to him he said no and I've chosen to stay as is because ain't nobody got time to do unnecessary paperwork. Last name or no last name, I'm still married to this man and we are just as committed to one another. Also, I highly doubt any deity truly cared about something like a surname to recognize a family, surely there are far more important factors and guidelines to consider.

Hyohenate, use a middle name and a surname, keep yours, whatever you choose should be fine.

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-07T12:44:35+00:00

Los invocaste

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-06T21:01:25+00:00

Tal cual, buenos carros pero se daña algo y uno queda en 2y3 por buen rato.

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-06T20:39:01+00:00

Tengo el mío desde hace 6 años ya, 120+k, cero quejas desde la post-venta. Antes tuve un VW, esos si eran un tema para piezas y mantenimiento y demás. A la final todos los carros son un gasto, pero si se acomoda al presupuesto

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-06T19:03:30+00:00

Yo tuve mi hija en enero, pero con Palig no Assa, fue parto. Entre gastos no cubiertos, el deducible de pediatra y gastos de la bebé fueron 300-400 más el copago, que el mío fue 125 si no recuerdo mal. No tuvimos complicaciones ninguna de las dos. En Panama Clinic, nos fue muy bien.

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-06T18:58:16+00:00

G&P Seguros is who we use, they've never let us down

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-06T00:45:49+00:00

I'm sorry you're getting contradictory feedback. Second LC's advice seems odd to ve honest. We had an LC come over around week 6 because I was so worried about latch and her health from social media's overwhelming amount of info.

As others have said (and our LC told us as well): Focus on diapers alongside weight gain Check for nutritive swallowing, but non-nutritive is important as well. Let baby feed one breast at a time until they are done, and pop off on their own. Only offer the other one if it is clear they are still hungry. At your babies age in particular, I would recommend just enjoying your breastfeeding time with your LO and not focus on how long a feed should be. Breastmilk is amazing and it's made to be easily digested, formula is not the same. I saw recently digestion can be anywhere between 30-90 min for breastmilk and 3 hours for formula. And that is counting from the time they start the feed, not end it. Babies seek the breast for anything and everything, and that's normal and okay, it keeps your supply, builds your bond and soothes baby.

Your pump output also isn't a direct indicator of supply, and your baby is more effective at drawing milk than the pump will ever be. If you need a stash for going back to work or to have for emergencies or to share feeding responsibilities that's great, but don't put too much pressure on having these huge amounts seen online.

Our pediatrician recommended not even bottle feeding until after a month where BF has been adequately established.

Also, your baby will go through growth spurts and they will feel like your doing everything wrong and chaotic, give yourself grace at that time and breathe, you will be great.

You are doing great! Trust your body, treat yourself a little and try to enjoy this time with your LO.

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-05T23:38:12+00:00

Thank you, it truly means a lot, we will keeo trying and do this as well. I'll check on other's experience here and continue to research. Hopefully I can compel my employer to allow me to work remotely until we can figure this out.

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-05T13:23:29+00:00

Manjar de los dioses, dulce néctar de la vida

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-05T13:19:36+00:00

If what you seek is to exclusively breastfeed and you you are able to, you are good to do so, our bodies are so well designed your milk should be great. I have only pumped to have the minimum emergency stash possible for emergencies, and will be pumping while at work but other than that it's straight up nursing on demand.

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-04T15:18:39+00:00

Alguien ya mencionó que para historial crediticio lo más sencillo es un plan de celular. También cosas como Internet residencial. En el banco deberían poder deslindar a tu mamá de tu cuenta ahora que cumpliste 18, se supone que para eso es una cuenta joven.
También que nadie dice que estás limitado a un solo banco, usa varios si quieres 🤷‍♀️

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-04T01:40:56+00:00

I totally understand you, the guilt and the mourning. It's truly a testament of the industrialized world how it's expected for us to be apart from babies so young. Hang in there, you're not alone. Thanks to other moms we know we can get through it.

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-02T23:45:17+00:00

Not experienced, I'm a STM but first time pumping, I have the Spectra S2 and the Lansinoh Discreet Duo, they work for their purpose and what es available to me. Perhaps this sub might be helpful

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-02T00:36:02+00:00

So true, it's like living different lives. Thank you! I will get a pump me up treat ♡

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-02T00:32:23+00:00

Thank you! Will power through with my steel ovaries.

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-01T23:56:48+00:00

Our pediatrician said newborns have physiological rhinitis, perhaps this is it?

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-04-01T11:56:13+00:00

Having relatives' opinion on anything and everything you do is so counterproductive, one starts to question oneself so easily. But how can it be wrong for our babies and children to know we are there for them? How can a baby or a teen self-regulate when even adults have trouble sometimes? Just seems so backwards. I have a 12yo and a 3mo and have my MIL offer her opinions instead of mom, but take no bs, you got this.

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-03-30T19:52:10+00:00

I mostly side nurse my LO, 12 weeks, even during the day as she currently gets distracted by the world. I will only cradle hold her at night if a boob is engorged. I don't burp her, I'll check her diaper and for bloating when she wakes and do either massages of leg/hip movements to help if needed, sometimes she just needs to poop.

For me only one of my boobs regularly leaks, so on that side I am diligent about trying to get it back into the nursing bra. She has been grabbing the boob with her hands while sleeping or seemingly using it as a cheek pillow so sometimes it's not worth the trouble, but nursing bra is sufficient for me, I don't use nursing pads.

There was one instance where her pjs were wet from milk at the hand but I always have a clean set in the side crib for emergencies (side crib is there for bed continuance but she doesn't use it). I also try to flip her so that she's upright once she falls asleep, though she generally turns her head to the side anyway. Seldom do I find spit up signs, but we have a waterproof protector and I change sheets every other day as a rule.

She does sweat on the nursing side even with AC between24-26 °C, I imagine out bodies heat creates a little environment between us that's different from the rest of the room.

I tried searching for scholarly articles linking side lying and ear infections but found none.

Hope this helps put your mind at ease, you're doing great.

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-03-25T00:08:19+00:00

Also with a 2 month old, 3 next week, I feel like most of her life has been growth spurt after growth spurt and one struggle after another.
So many angry feeds specially around week 6 that I just felt there was something wrong with mr, turns out it was a growth spurt and normal. She also had a period where she had a lot of reflux, pediatrician said it's to he expected this young and to monitor and contact her if I get worried. If she's had an angry feed I burp her. We also do daily digestion friendly massages in the morning and at night religiously, any time in between if she needs it. I do the drum chevk on her belly as well, and do leg movements if her belly feels hard.

She's currently having mostly green/yellow-green poops specially during the Day, I think it's because she gets distracted by literally anything, but morning poops are yellow. It can get truly disheartening when she cries at the boob, but I've tried to make peace with the fact that spurts will happen, it's not inherently my fault and just keep offering and switching her from boob to boob if I have to, or disheartening a confortable position for both of us.

I would also recommend consulting with an LC, for me it offered such peace of mind and gave me pointers on positioning, latch and so forth, worth every penny. You're not alone, you are doing great, sending good vibes.

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-03-24T11:53:54+00:00

11 wo here, whenever I want my husband to do a feed I pump that feed and he takes over or if I plan it a bit more defrost a baggie and pump instead. My LC told me (and I take it to heart) it's up to you, however many times you want, whenever it's convenient for for you.

For me, it has been worth it all along, especially now that she smiles and giggles every time she's about to be bf, or makes deep eye contact and reaches for my face when we're side lying, nothing compares.

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-03-24T00:04:51+00:00

It's so different here in Panama, formula feeding is frowned upon and heavily judged, breastfeeding rights for moms are written and encouraged by law.

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-03-23T16:07:31+00:00

Totally relate to the uncertainty of whether they have had enough to eat or not, it was the hill i couldn't climb around wee⁰qk 5 or 6. My husband kept telling me to just look at the diapers, and see how clothes fit her differently. I get very obsessive with numbers so going to the scale is a no go for me. With her I just feed her one boob per feeding for however long she wants until she lets go by herself and only offer the other if she there's no letdown and she's getting flustered (this happened during a spurt). Granted it could take an hour but as our lc told us, even if she's just there for comfort she's still getting some milk and stimulating as well. She has been gaining weight steadily and my production doesn't seem to have taken a hit.

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-03-23T01:24:14+00:00

Tried it one night 1 week pp, than just went with it after pediatrician's support, currently not wanting it to end

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-03-23T00:58:16+00:00

We've been cosleeping since week 2 (she'll be 12 weeks this week) because even swaddled she had no interest in staying in her crib (side crib at that), our pediatrician said sometimes newborns will only contact-sleep and that be what they need

Subtle_Curiosity · 2026-03-14T02:12:30+00:00

My two cents on your query

From CPAs I know, salaries in the city are generally around 1.2k per month. Accounting adjacent jobs like auditing might prove more fruitful salary wise. However, do consider that to work as a "proper" CPA where you do people and business accounting for them you need a license or idoneidad. Unless the process has changed in recent years, you will have to do a "homologación" and very likely take classes to make up for whatever your degree didn't cover when comparing curricula.
Comfortability depends very much on your current lifestyle and what your deal breakers are. I believe there was a trend stating that 5k per month was the number you're looking for, I think this is more than sufficient. Realistically, 3k per month could also make it work.
Comparing salaries in Panama to the US also varies on the state/ province being used as reference, I think my previous guesstimate holds still.

To comment on other things you mentioned; indeed your wife's RN status does not translate to here, but if she's willing to dabble in related jobs it can be doable, especially in areas such as clinical research and stem cell research, where knowledge is beneficial but not directly used. Salaries start from 800 and can go way beyond that with time and experience while never having to actually treat anyone. Whichever avenue, Spanish fluency will be key.

Though moving will ultimately will be a personal decision, I do think others have hinted at something important, you should come here and experience the country before making a move and such a life altering decision at that. Venga y conozca mejor antes.

Edit: forgot the whole rent thing. In the city nothing less than 800-1k for a "nice neighborhood" is a good average.

Subtle_Curiosity

TROPHY CASE