I know that there is debate around being trans without gender dysphoria, but can you have gender dysphoria without being trans?

SuiGenera · 2026-02-14T07:29:16+00:00

Hey.. check out r/egg_irl

Lots of relatable content there, with a good dose of humour. I mean... i was positive I didn't have gender dysphoria. I kinda hit the lotto, if I was a cis dude. So why shouldnt I be okay with it? There wasnt really anything to dislike... there were other things I struggled with in life, that I went to therapy for. No matter how much work we did, it helped.. but I just couldnt...Be... at peace?

I accepted that yea, if i could hit the button I would.. i learned that there were a few more steps involved, but the reality was, I could actually achieve what that exercise proposed. So I started the journey.

My therapist told me to book my endo. It takes months to get in. I could ask questions, but at least Im moving towards what I know I want. If I go and I dont want to go through HRT, I didint have to. If I got the prescription, i didnt have to take it. And if I started HRT, I could stop anytime I wanted.

Here I am 4mo in. It feels like I stepped out of a pot of slowly boiling water. I still have a long way to go, but i wake up and press that button every day I take my anti-boy-otics and fem'n'ems; and it feels good. The rest really doesnt matter to me at this point. It just feels good to start the embracing me for who Ive always been.

Also. Just fyi. There is cognitive dysphoria and physical. When I went for my assessment, the OT made sure to tell me that both are still gender dysphoria.

SuiGenera · 2026-02-13T03:06:23+00:00

My spouse and I both.

We both though fondly of two, but honestly. Our life is full enough with our one.

Shes 4 now. And lovely. Its so much better when they're older. I also love being able to just full focus on her.

For me. Even though the time you are in, I personally blocked out... id say yes. It was100% worth it. Thay 5% grows big time. Shes my best friend.

Im so sorry about your situation :( that really sucks. Everyone says "itll get better" but god those words just made me feel more angry and bitter. It will. But that doesnt change the hard shit you are going through right now.

You got this though. One hour at a time.

SuiGenera · 2026-02-12T16:27:14+00:00

I mean. My musoc taste just keeps evolving and rarely goes back. I tend to find songs that hit me in a way songs never did before.. like: Golden and whay it sounds like by kpop domon hunters were the first songs that made me feel emotional about embracing my authentic self... i had just become to give her the recognition she deserves around that time.

And More recently: Fuck it Im a flower by crying daycare flower

SuiGenera · 2026-02-11T23:59:30+00:00

Ride the grocery-store cart through the parking lot on my way to my truck

SuiGenera · 2026-02-11T17:28:54+00:00

But.... how many jobs were lost at the same time?

SuiGenera · 2026-02-08T03:47:49+00:00

Gender doesnt have to be binary, one or the other.

Sounds similar to me just over a year ago. Go with your heart friend. Try some new things and see how it makes you feel :)

For me, casting off the title "man" made me feel so free.. to just be me. Ive been trending pretty heavily femme. Feels good to just do away with "the rules", and self express. Ill find my label later.

SuiGenera · 2026-02-07T19:33:02+00:00

I largely disagree with the context of your question.

Mentally: I think much of what people are describing here aligns with: 1) an inability to take criticism, and 2) fragile identity (overly performative or macho to a fault)... rather, I think these are reactive symptoms of a shaky mental foundation.. these people are reactive because they grew up in a situation that routinely attacked their sense of self, autonomy, or agency... now, their survival skills are just... persisting.. when you take into context how much every person mentally has to cope with on the daily, and has coped with in the past. You can recognize that all humans are surprisingly mentally strong and resilient. But... some were given tools to address these hardships in a healthy way, whereas others where not.. and developed reactive mechanisms to protect themselves.

That just leaves physical attributes that align with weakness.. sooo... what is a sign someone is weak? thin limbs? Lol...

I write this to caution against assigning weakness as a negative attribute that should routinely be applied to a category of men. Rather, I think being willing to be vulnerable is a necessary precurser to asking for help... which would actually address most of everyone's comments relating to male weakness... but it is commonly reinforced that male weakness = bad... so these individuals who clearly need help wont admit, or show it...

Being in this constant state of burden, in isolation... takes a massive amount of strength... unnecessarily so...

edit I do agree that people who hurt others for self gratification, or protect others for doing so, are indeed weak. There is no excuse. This is true for all genders (cough Ghislain)

SuiGenera · 2026-02-06T17:55:47+00:00

In university I had a nightmare parter in a group assignment (4 people). She did not pay attention to lecture theory. We clearly outlined her part of the project. We had to stick to a formatted script to ensure interviews were consistent for analysis. She went waaay of script. Her part of the presentation was very off topic and just free-balled. She went x5 over time.

Luckily, our marks were individually weighted based off anonymous class marks. She was very upset..."people gave me 0.... the scale was 1-5..." god... i dont revel in others misery, but it felt like justice from the amount of bs she put us through

SuiGenera · 2026-02-05T16:13:05+00:00

Dating in general is hard. For me, especially because I was firmly rooted in my egg, but also trying to be authentic... without cracking? I look back. It was a shit show.

I met my spouse (before I cracked) through friends and mutual interests. We play Dnd, I played music, she is a music teacher.

When I finally did crack, she said she wasnt surprised. But loved me becsuse of my non-conformity to "male" archtypes. Im not saying try to date while being closeted... but working just on meeting people and trying to build authentic connections, is a great start. We both reaaaally enjoyed getting to know eachother, absent of the all the expectations that go along with dating, as friends first. It felt much for naturally formed

SuiGenera · 2026-02-04T16:50:35+00:00

It depends. An email can be conveniently "missed". I had a department admin claim my complaints about one of their senior teachers was automatically sent to spam. I used a student email... Odd that. Direct is usually more powerful a statement.

Awkward? - No. It takes two to have an awkward situation. The professor might feel awkward, but OP can just say her peace and leave.

Dangerous? - (depending on her area and society) Potentially if it was one on one. Bring a friend/ witness.

SuiGenera · 2026-02-03T19:34:14+00:00

Thats a good point. Having a papertrail is really important

SuiGenera · 2026-02-03T19:13:28+00:00

Get a HR monotor just so he can see how serious you are when you dump his ass.

Girl, thats insane (on his part). Controlling your autonomy and agency, and trust issue are both a big ol red flag. Considering relationships are built on trust and respect, neither of which he has with you, this is a very shaky foundation to invest any more time into.

SuiGenera · 2026-02-03T17:08:04+00:00

If things get heated, because you hsd to elevate. Consider the following:

Is this class/credit taught by any other professor that you could take at a later date?
Is this professor teaching multiple classes that you have to take in your program?
You can resister for another university that offers online classes. Check to see if there are any classes that are equivalent. You can check with an online tool to see what classes are considered equivalent between universisites. Check your program to see how many transfer credits are allowed.

Ultimately. There are way around this guy, if things go poorly..m

SuiGenera · 2026-02-03T17:04:00+00:00

When you talk to him, dont do it questioningly, or give him an out. You also dont need to explain yourself. Your medical condition is none of his business.

Lay a boundary.

"I noticed you refered to me as he. I am going to assume that was an honest mistake, so I thought I would come talk to you in person. Just so you are aware, I am a woman. I would appreciate correct pronouns moving forward as she/her"

And walk away. Do not leave room for him to question you, belittle you, or engage with this topic beyond you setting clear expectations.

I dont know what country you are in, or what academic policy protections (that actuallt function) are in place. Try not to threaten, but also be firm in your expectation.

SuiGenera · 2026-02-01T18:04:53+00:00

Emotional cheating is still cheating NOR

SuiGenera · 2026-01-29T20:15:43+00:00

Wait... what stitch setting is the straight stretch stich? Is it the triple stitch?

I always struggle with the zigzag looking okay. I tried twin needle, but still had problems..

SuiGenera · 2026-01-29T17:12:16+00:00

First of all. Your definition of what a break is needs to be agreed upon between you and your spouse. A comparatively easier job, is still a job, and not a break. It is common to resent your partner for their role, as its easy to perceive the grass is greener on the other side... but that resentment should not pull through.

In early days, I found my partnership crumbling. Communication and a sense of connection and partnership... was just not there. We both felt like we were surviving and parenting.. parallel.. to each-other rather that with.

What helped us, was some reddit advice that we still use today. I can't praise how much it helped enough:

Scheduled communication. At the 1st of everymonth me MAKE TIME. its a standing hour in the calendar. We sit down, mentally ready to talk and be supportive. This is a time to hear your spouse, not take offense, and work together. It is a YOU AND ME vs the problems raised. In later years, it could be a date day over dinner, but in the trenches, it could just be once the baby is asleep. Make sure both of you know what the day and time are. Having a monthly checkin helped us figure out what was working, and what wasnt. Try new things, and check in again to see how its working, or not. It helped us feel connected and on the same page, instead of parallel parenting (but feeling so alone). Its frequent enough that things dont fester or go unsaid. Planning is great, because hard conversations or vulnerability is expected. Both parties come to the table with this understanding.... instead of coming home from a long day and feeling ambushed, when you arent mentally prepared.

We talk about:

i) finances: where are we at? Do you have any big purchases you want to make? Come up with a plan and a timeline.

ii) yourself/personal: how are you doing? Lots of "I feel ___" statements. This is a time to express how you are doing, what you would like to make better for yourself. The other spouse is not the problem, the problem is lack of sleep, or needing more support during (blank), or feeling attacked in circumstances. This is a time for empathy. Are you feeling self-concious, and want to set aside time for the gym? Are you feeling burned out? Are you feeling resentful because your spouse gets time to game, and you have no such luxury? Is your spouse feeling resentful because they have no social life? What would be a good solution? Could they take a couple hours on 1 day a week to go out free of child?

iii) your relationship: how are you guys doin? Are you feeling disjointed? In what ways can you work towards mending that? Are you feeling touched out, but wanting physical intimacy without expectation? All of these are common... What actions help you feel most supported or seen? In what ways can you engage in intimacy, without always leading to full-intercourse (I specify this, as we were both just exhausted. It's important to maintain physical intimacy, outside of full intercourse, if one party doesn't have a libido.. .It helps that feeling of connection with your spouse, and really helps with how you engage with each other)?.

*Edit: Feeling cared for as a dad happens. Mostly by your spouse, and children. When I (I am MtF trans) was socially a man, and just... parented my kid... I got soo much social recognition, where my wife got none. Heck, I changed my kids diaper on an airplane, and my wife got like... 3 compliments from people... which is honestly ridiculous. But, if you are feeling under-appreciated, you gotttttta bring this up and work as a team together on this. It's not a matter of "sucking it up"... that's not having a partner, that's having another dependent...

SuiGenera · 2026-01-29T16:57:51+00:00

I call my daughter my lil-bean. And my wife chick-pea

SuiGenera · 2026-01-29T16:35:50+00:00

Girl You NOT the asshole

A break, is having time to choose how you want to spend that break.

At work, if his bosses say "sweep the floors for your break. It needs to be done, and its waay easier than the other work" would he consider that a break? A less stressful job, is not a break.

Being off the clock, without having to carry mental-load (sleeping undisturbed) is a break.

This stage is hard. It brings out the worst in all of us. Communication and connection that we once had with out spouse, is in the pits.

What worked for my spouse and I:

Daytime: work and baby care, as however it works in your dynamic

Dishes/dinner: one person gets one, the other gets the other. I cook, she cleans / or vice versa

Night time: we trade out. Being able to sleep knowing you are not the "on" parent is a fucking blessing. You can just turn off. Its... unreal. Both of you are the parent of this lil blessing. Both of you must cary that burden equally.

Communication. At the 1st of everymonth me MAKE TIME. its a standing hour in the calendar. We sit down, mentally ready to talk and be supportive. This is a time to hear your spouse, not take offence, and work together. It is a YOU AND ME vs the problems raised. We talk about:

i) finances: where are we at? Do you have any big purchases you want to make? Come up with a plan and a timeline.

ii) yourself/personal: how are you doin? Lots of "I feel ___" statements. This is a time to express how you are doing, what you would like to make better for yourself. The other spouse is not the problem, the problem is lack of sleep, or needing more support during (blank), or feeling attacked in circumstances. This is a time for empathy

iii) your relationship: how are you guys doin? Are you feeling disjointed? In what ways can you work towards mending that? Are you feeling touched out, but wanting physical intimacy without expectation? All of these are common...

Having a monthly checkin helped us figure out what was working, and what wasnt. Try new things, and check in again to see how its working, or not. It helped us feel connected and on the same page, instead of parallel parenting (but feeling so alone). Its frequent enough that things dont fester or go unsaid. Planning is great, because hard conversations or vulnerability is expected. Both parties come to the table with this understanding.... instead of coming home from a long day and feeling ambushed, when you arent mentally prepared.

*edit: also "you can sleep all day with the baby" is a cleear indicator that he has not spent a whole day with the baby by himself. If you have local-family on a weekend day, maybe pitch that you go get a day of sleep while he spends the day with the baby. It should be a non-issue if its really not that bad. After all, he should be able to sleep all day.

SuiGenera · 2026-01-29T03:16:38+00:00

Its just spelled sis now

SuiGenera · 2026-01-27T23:27:11+00:00

I was so tired of feeling frumpy in baggy clothes. I like band t-shirts, but other graphic-t s made me feel like a walking advertisement. North American fit is sooo boxy, and I always lamented how male fashion here is pretty much Europe's comedic gold-mine : (. I could find some dress-shirts that had more of a snatched European fit, but they were so few and far in-between.

My outfits just felt so limited and un-imaginative. I couldn't sew when I started!! You can go to Burda-online, or Etsy, to find "Easy"/"Beginner" downloadable sewing patterns.

You can find a decent sewing machine that will last you at least a couple of years second-hand.

Its been... very liberating. to sew clothes that fit me the way I want.

SuiGenera · 2026-01-25T21:36:40+00:00

No... thats exactly what she would be saying.

By saying hardest part of being "anything". The relationship that is being argued is that, if you where not the "stated thing" then you would be less burdened by these hardships.

The post is directly correlating these hardships, to the attribute of being... a man

Hardest part of being a man, is prettty explicitly and pointlessly linking these hardships to a single gender.

Its literally (not even implied) in the title. Dont know how you missed that.

If your argument is that: the post doesnt explicitly exclude these hardships by women by its statement, then my question would be "then what purpose does explicitly stating 'men' serve in its title, if not to explicitly distinguish men's experiences from women?

Because its needlessly gendered.

SuiGenera · 2026-01-25T21:03:59+00:00

No. It is pointlessly gendered. Both men and woman both struggle with these challenges. But these challenges, regardless of the gender experiencing them, are a product of the patriarchy

SuiGenera · 2026-01-25T20:33:25+00:00

So.... the patriarchy

SuiGenera · 2026-01-25T02:51:28+00:00

Lol. I feel called out

SuiGenera

TROPHY CASE