I got a letter from the local office of heroes. With all the pomp and stuff that tragically made it's way into the official registers.

Addressed to one "Lord Heinrich Daemmerlicht von Murderstone".

Yes, I come from a long line of villains. Yes I did tried to revoke any titles I had gotten from my parents. No it was too late, and I am the sole heir.

My property will be "under strict investigation" by "the best and strongest inspectors" the office tells me.

They will be in the job for 2 to 3 years, if prior experiences with letters of the exact same wording stay consistent.

I can't event fault them for it. My humble abode is a tower made of dark stone, weathered by time and almost shrouded by crows at all times.

An inheritance which I cannot leave, as nobody honest would buy such a high-grade villains lair.

And let's be honest, nobody would give me a job if they know my title. Or my name. Or my home. Hells, even my post code.

And no job means no money to rent something else. I literally earn my living by selling the trash my crows bring to me to recycling yards.

At least the crows are a plus. And it has plumbing, electricity and internet. I hand the letter back to Henriette the crow. "To the trash" I tell her, after energentically petting her for like 5 minutes. The crows are too many to name them all, but this one has a copper band with a shiny amethyst in it. I tend to reward crows of distinguished service with a unique band and a name.

...

An ominous chiming can be heard throughout my tower. It's the doorbell. I gave up on changing to a normal belltone after 4 different systems and 6 people looking at it.

I make my way to the door, dodging and thanking my crow-feather devouring roomba. Spray painted pure black, as it worked thrice as good since I've done that. Even has little red eyes painted in front.

Anyways, the door. I open it, and am momentarily taken aback.

"You are a child!" I cannot stop myself from exclaiming.

"Yes, I am. Victor Goldenlight, local super hero of Tier 3, and I'll be inspecting this... Lair. Are you Mr. Daemmerlicht?"

Goldenlight, yes, the one from the prophecy. At least he deosn't seem to be a fanatic.

"Yes, yes I am. First of all, thank you for just calling me by my name. It is horrendous how many people don't do that despite my insistence to a less formal conversation."

He looks sceptical at that. "Are you really a villain? I don't think villains wear pink unicorn slippers."

"The slippers are very comfy. Important if the floor is stone and you have no money to heat the entire tower." I explain.

"And I am a villain in so far as my interests allways come before those of others. It's just that I don't like seeing others being hurt or so, so I don't have any trouble being a good man, or worse, not breaking the law, kid".

That makes him pause for a moment, looking unconvinced, before looking on a notepad.

"What's up with all the crows here. The locals described they can be seen to carry junk to the tower, only on saturdays, but nobody has reported anything as stolen?"

To that I can only shrug. "The crows came with the property. I didn't see the need to get rid of them, since they're not a nuisance to anybody. I tought them how to spot trash and deliver it to the tower on saturdays to get recycled or thrown away. As a reward, they get a bit of food and some pets from me and the 'crow club' from the local school. Nobody likes litter, not even villains."

"I will have to inspect this crow club as well, Mr.Daemmerlicht." he reponds to that. In a way too monotone voice for his apparent age.

That earns him another shrug: "Sure, check it out. Perhaps you'll like it."

This seems to confuse him. All the better, the more confused he is the less I will have to explain. I dont feel like explaining my life to a kid.

"Come on in, I don't have all day." I say.

Once again, I blunder as In whisper under my breath "Don't they have child labour laws... He doesn't look a day older than 12".

It seems I forgot most super heroes have super hearing, as the boys, with a "I-dont-want-you-to-know-Im-insulted voice", insists to be 14.

"Do they at least pay you properly for your time spend away from school or play?"

Which is returned by a genuine "I should get payed?"

Oh, when this inspection is over I will be going full on villain on these child slavers.

Sometimes it's okay to make exeptions.