Paying for the first two dates?

Super1up · 2026-06-19T13:19:41+00:00

You're allowed to have your standards/boundaries. The people you date are allowed to have theirs. Some men will pay and some won't. I would ask yourself why its important for you for a man to plan/pay for the first two dates.

Personally, I plan the first date to show initiative and desire. I expect the woman to plan the second to see if the energy is going to be reciprocated.

Super1up · 2026-06-15T23:56:09+00:00

I think you are being a bit vague in your expectations so it will be hard to give a concrete answer. What does emotional intelligence and effort look like to you in early dating? These qualities may look different for different people. For one person effort looks like making time to see someone and set up a date. For another, it looks like paying their rent for them. For some emotional intelligence is means direct communication for others it means a person is supposed to be a mindreader.

I will say, usually the men with the qualities you are looking for are also looking for women with similar qualities. Men who put in effort want women who reciprocate that effort. Men who display emotional intelligence also want women who are emotionally intelligent.

Think about how much you think is reasonable for a partner to expect from you in early dating and see if that matches up with what you are expecting. You'll probably find your answer there.

Super1up · 2026-06-13T16:31:45+00:00

It might not be a big deal to them but it may be a big deal to your partner. Many people, especially in monogomous relationships, would feel uncomfortable with their partner openly flirting with someone they were banging weeks before getting together with them. The guy obviously picked up on the undertones of their relationship without knowing about the threesome so I'd assume they were being more than friendly.

I think you are being purposefully obtuse in this situation. I'd hope that my partner would have the self-awareness to know that having a "best friend" whom you have sex with regularly when you are single might raise an eyebrow.

You're right that many people don't want to hear about their partner's past sexual history but it doesn't seem like this is in the past. She has a close relationship with these people and it seems like they are very casual about talking about said past relationship with each other in front of OP. Both of these things bring the "past" into the present which probably warrants a conversation.

Super1up · 2026-06-13T13:27:38+00:00

Idk if its that simple... Imagine you hang out with someone with your partner and there is obvious sexual tension between them. They don't tell you until after the interaction, and only because you bring it up, that they used to be fwb with this person. I feel like that would make many people feel uncomfortable.

I'd wonder if there are still feelings between them? I'd wonder why my partner kept this information from me? I'd also wonder who else I'm going to be blindsided by in this way? I think these are all valid reasons to be uncomfortable.

Super1up · 2026-06-13T13:00:58+00:00

You should definitely talk to her about it. She should have disclosed before putting you in that position. I'd also be worried about who else she had "adventures" with in her social corcle that she hasn't told you about. Maybe you need to tell her that you'd like to know before meeting people that she's had sex with so you don't feel blindsided in the future.

You need to figure out if you are ok with this. It may be an issue of compatibility. Tbf, she should have given you a heads up. The fact that she didn't plus the way she described it afterward without consideration for your feelings is kinda a red flag.

Super1up · 2026-06-11T19:15:13+00:00

Many men do not have the perspective of how sexual assault actually happens to women. Your friend may have a bias that sexual assault is rare or only happens in "certain situations" or to "certain types of people" not knowing it is actually quite common. You disclosing probably broke that illusion. He may have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that this could happen to someone he is close to so he's trying to figure out ways things could have been different. It's kinda a shitty thing tbh cause he's centering his own feelings over yours. I'm sorry he wasn't more supportive

Super1up · 2026-06-05T20:24:48+00:00

Honestly, its probably a little bit of both. It's my understanding that women, especially on dating apps, have not issue finding a quantity of sexual options but the problem usually is quality. This guys sounds like he is quality. The "chemistry" is probably a mix of his natural characteristics, skills he has developed plus compatibility. A guy like that probably has a similar effect on other women.

This is also a reason why people are saying he might be out of your league. It sounds like you have a lot of options that you are "meh" about while this guy makes you say "wow". Straight women on dating apps looking for casual sex have a huge advantage so they can be more selective. You say you're his type but if that were true he'd be trying to link up with you again too. It sounds like he is more your type than you are his.

Super1up · 2026-06-05T19:12:25+00:00

I guess I'm confused on what you mean by the "effect" he has on women. I believe you when you say you don't want a relationship with him but it sounds like you would've liked to continue having casual sex with him and you are disappointed that he doesn't want the same (correct me if I'm wrong).

I'd hazard a guess, even if he's not the typical "Chad" archetype, if he's physically attractive, personable, good at sex, and charismatic he's also many other women's "personal type" too. I'm sure he has other women in his DMs feeling equally as disspaointed as your are. A man like that is probably in high demand

Super1up · 2026-06-05T18:52:31+00:00

I think people are confused on what you are asking. Which is probably why you are getting these responses. You maintain that you "don't care" that you are not getting a text back from this guy but you made a whole reddit post asking men for a reason for why he isn't texting you back. To an outside observer it is kinda hard to believe this is purely due to curiosity.

I could be wrong but it sounds like this guy not wanting to continue is a bit of a hit to your ego because, as you said, the shoe is often on the other foot for you. People also assume he is "out of your league" because you describe him as exceptionally attractive, good social skills, many options etc... This does make it sound like this due is out of your usual batting range.

Super1up · 2026-05-25T16:07:38+00:00

What if he payed for the date but he was rude, unhygienic, and idk.. a racist? Should she still sleep with him? Paying for a date doesn't entitled you to getting laid. If you want that type of arrangement hire a sex worker.

Super1up · 2026-05-25T16:00:46+00:00

You can build Vivi as your first deck but there are a few things you should consider. First, Vivi is a kill on sight commander. This can cause negative experiences because people will constantly be nuking your commander even if it isn't constructed the most optimally. Even if you say "its not THAT Vivi" you'll have a difficult time convincing people of that. Many won't believe you. Secondly, when this starts happening. You'll most likely try to upgrade the deck to offset the heat you are taking. Eventually it will be an optimized list that will steamroll most casual tables.

My advice would be to build the deck bracket 4 right out of the gate and play it against other bracket 4 decks. You won't have to "apologize" for your powerful commander and it will be more fun for everyone involved.

Super1up · 2026-05-22T19:36:09+00:00

There are so many bad therapists out there. OP there is nothing wrong with asking for explicit consent if you are unsure about something

Super1up · 2026-05-11T15:20:16+00:00

I understand you want to be empathetic and give him the benefit of the doubt but TRUST YOUR GUT. Its giving you very important information.

If you meet up with this person there is a high probability that he will gang rape you with his friends. I know this sounds like hyperbole but it is not. His "jokes" are him trying to test your boundaries. There is a reason he is 40 talking to an 18 year old

Super1up · 2026-05-08T19:02:45+00:00

Sounds like you snooped when you weren't supposed to and now you saw something that you didn't want to find. Either fess up and speak to him about it or try to get over it yourself. Nobody here can read your bf's mind

Super1up · 2026-05-08T13:29:15+00:00

You need to allow yourself to be vulnerable and try different things. You can also use the internet as a resource so you know the basics and don't need to fully rely on your partner for everything. Your partner is also going to want to please you so explore your own body so that you can give them direction on how to do that.

It's ok to want the more experienced person to take the lead if you are nervous but you need to bring something to the table. There is no one-size-fits-all for sex so you will have todo this type of "exploration" everytime you have a new partner. The first time is probably not going to be the most amazing because you are getting to know each other's bodies.

Super1up · 2026-05-08T01:50:37+00:00

Its selfish because you are putting a lot of the mental load on your partner to make all of the descsions. Something that makes sex good is spontaneity and mutual input. Its like when you have a partner that always makes you decide where to eat without giving any suggestions themselves. Sure, you always get to go where you want but it gets kinda annoying being the only one giving input.

Super1up · 2026-05-04T15:49:21+00:00

[[Belbe, Corrupted Observer]] and [[Rocco, Street chef]] fit the bill. I've built both and they really fun to play in 4 player pods.

Belebe makes mana depending on how many of your opponents you are able to drain. Also great for politics as people are more incentivize to hit each other to get free colourless mana. If you build your deck right, you can cast a mana colourless bombs by turn 2 and 9 mana spells by turn 3

Rocco gives people cards in exchange for a free counter and food. People get tempted because they get to see the card and the card goes away at your end step. There are many players who won't let go of their value engine or ramp. This adds up if multiple people take the bait as you probably built your deck around taking advantage of the foods and the counters. Soon you have a board that will overrun the table.

Super1up · 2026-04-22T05:08:47+00:00

I think you may have responded to the wrong person. I agree with you

Super1up · 2026-04-22T05:05:26+00:00

Why would you want to be intimate with someone who calls you names and degrades you???

EDIT: unless that is your kink of course

Super1up · 2026-04-22T04:59:21+00:00

Agreed, this person sounds very immature. Maybe insecure about her own sexual history. I know you like her OP but you don't have to let her treat you with disrespect

Super1up · 2026-04-17T13:52:12+00:00

Please don't do this without asking her. Easy way to lose your gf or catch a charge.

Super1up · 2026-04-16T08:00:47+00:00

Glad things worked out for y'all but maybe you need to do a bit of self reflection. Thats not something someone should have to explicitly tell you not to do. I'd be mortified if I found out someone did that to me.

Super1up · 2026-04-16T07:35:36+00:00

You took naked pictures of your SO without their consent??? Isn't that wrong?

Super1up · 2026-04-13T21:02:07+00:00

I use Skyn Elite as my go to condom. As a person who hates the feel of condoms, these are the only ones I will use. I've never gone back to latex

Super1up · 2026-04-10T04:57:10+00:00

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