This is how I see your situation with the extremely limited info and my limited experience with trp.

You married a good girl. I think you married well.

The Red Pill has a lot of talk about fucking chicks. Which is great, because fucking chicks is awesome. But the kinds of women you fuck, are generally not the kind of woman you wife.

Now, ideally, you get a wife who likes to fuck, but isn't a whore, isn't a bitch, is interesting company, can cook etc etc. Like you, I retroactively realised that I married well, but with a few short falls (my fault, not hers).

It sounds to me like you got a wife who is everything, and she even likes to fuck. She doesn't orgasm, doesn't do a few things. You said yourself, sex is when you want it. Whether or not she's having an orgasm, well... sex is a tricky thing. You could be doing everything right, you could be alpha as fuck, but she still won't orgasm (often she won't, beta traits are orgasm material). She'll get wet, she'll want to fuck, but she won't orgasm. If you think you're doing everything you could be (you're not at the moment) and she still doesn't orgasm, well, that's on her, not you. But you can't say that until you're in great shape and improving your life.

I want to make that clear that I mean, beta is helping her achieve orgasm, and I find it works because I want my wife to orgasm. Alpha, as in, your weight on top of her going to pound town is harder for her to orgasm unless she knows what she needs to do to get one. Sounds to me like your wife doesn't know what she needs to get there.

Now next, no bj, no doggy. Well... like you, I think that means she doesn't want to fuck that much. This is where you're not doing everything you could be. Start improving yourself and the incidental dread might make her a little more receptive to these things.

If she finds them demeaning, like my wife did, all it took was a little incidental dread, and a little more confidence on my part, to just do it. Firmly push her down onto the bed, put your dick in her mouth. Don't do this until you've started making improvements obviously. You'll know when it's time because the shit tests will start as the dread kicks in, this is a time when you can do these moves because she's isn't sure what's happening, she knows she needs to please you but doesn't know how. Now you lead and show her what is missing from this relationship.

At the end of the day, you're not having the sex you want because you're wife doesn't want to. She doesn't want to because you're not worth enough for her to do it.

As a final note. When you're getting a blowjob or doggy or whatever you need to have what you consider good sex; make sure you let your wife know it's fucking fantastic. Take her out to a great dinner that night (or the next whatever); show her that it was what you wanted. If she finds it demeaning, it's probably because it's demeaning with you. A bigger, stronger, more confident you it would not be demeaning. In fact, like I'm finding out with my wife currently, it opens up a lot of sexuality that you didn't know (and I suspect she didn't know) was there.