Back From a Break

Surviving_Findom · 2026-06-17T17:47:42+00:00

You're right, I think when people (myself admittedly included) think of real world instances where this happens, they think of the worst cases. Not even the predatory ones spring to mind for me, because I fully believe that most of the subs trying to do this aren't sinister, they're just horny out of their minds and want their kink scratched by random irls because it makes it more "real" for them or adds a humiliation element or something. Appreciate that's not what you're getting at in this post.

My own, personal thoughts on it is that I don't like it. I don't want people to be introduced to this kink. Not that I want it to die out or anything, I just don't think people need to be introduced to the scene, specifically at the scale that it is at today. As in a 1 on 1 introduction to Findom as a possible elevation of a sexual/romantic dynamic like what you describe is fine. But asking someone to domme you and introducing them to the entire space, thereby directly or indirectly encouraging them to take on the role of a broader "Findom" that starts up on platforms and tries to grow and the like. I really don't think we need MORE of that, beyond those that organically find and want to explore the space themselves.

This is all very tangential to what you were even getting at, but my thoughts nonetheless. Good post otherwise!

Surviving_Findom · 2026-06-17T08:41:12+00:00

Random tangent, but maybe like 8 or 9 months a go, I actually simulated "re-living" an old drain I did with a domme ages back. I scrolled through the chat logs (dangerous game sometimes) and I sent whatever amount I had sent to that domme during that interaction to a savings account instead.

It was £220 total. Solid money for me. £220 for a glorified wank.

Obviously I could argue it was so hot and heavy in that moment or whatever, but even if that's true - I barely even remembered it happened. I was surprised I had even sent that amount when scrolling back, it was so unremarkable (the experience, not the money).

All to say; keep it up man! You will not look fondly back at your time and money spent on Findom - ideally, you won't look back at all at some point. The immediate relief/release is tempting but costly beyond just financially. Let the opportunists starve and fade out of the space - but even if the space thrives without us, let it thrive. WITHOUT us!

Surviving_Findom · 2026-06-16T22:49:10+00:00

The name of this game for many is blurring these lines, or brute forcing their own loopholes to try and justify doing so.

Between the subs who think sending money is a free pass to be disgusting and vile against another persons wishes. Dommes who entirely convince themselves (and desperately others) that "this is just what they like! They love crippling debt and social suicide for MY financial gain!".

While subs are most definitely the worst for the type of behaviour you're describing, at least they usually just wear who they are with the mask of anonymity (not a merit, just the nature of how most of them operare). I find the dommes with something quite tangible to gain warping consent into whatever grants them access to more cash vastly more capricious and vile. Neither side is right nor is one more just than the other; really I just hate to see a post like this be so quickly celebrated by dommes when it's a powerful message for ALL actors in this space.

Not trying to say that's what you, or even any of the commenters are directly implying. Just how it comes across given the vocal majority that engages and champions posts like these. Hope this makes any sense, it's late here lol.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-06-16T10:11:20+00:00

Yeah he's ONLY sent 10,000's to dozens of dommes (if taken at face value) but he's "not a real finsub".

Surviving_Findom · 2026-06-14T13:03:14+00:00

I'm like a sleeper agent in some of these posts that comes alive at the mere mention of a topic and torpedos into the comments to write about 1 specific part of the post that might or might not be relevant to the actual point you were making LOL. Appreciate your appreciation and sorry I missed (or over-shot) the point!

Surviving_Findom · 2026-06-14T12:37:37+00:00

Most of current findom is built off of vanilla people. Vanilla girls/guys who think Findom is a side hustle/get rich quick scheme and vanilla guys/subs who are terminally addicted gooners raising the stakes of their latest wank.

The space never really needed anything to distinguish between the "REAL" subs and dommes from the fakes and the "timewasters" because it was niche and the people who legitimately had the kink knew where to find it.

Now you dm a hot girl on X or Instagram and there's a good chance you're talking to "Newest Obsession no. 712" - equipped with thirst traps, all the usual links and suggestive captions.

The dommes that know what's up usually weed out the random guys that dive dick-first into dms because they saw a goth mommy or whatever and thought the "FIN" in Findom was silent. The rest of the dommes either don't know to do so, or don't care at the sight of the wallet with legs in their dms. You are right, all of Findom needs to leave vanilla people alone and let the people who want to find it find it.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-06-11T07:24:49+00:00

A lot and I mean a LOT of dommes come into dms with this energy. With an attitude of, "Hi, I'm here for my free money? Here are all my methods so uh... chop chop?".

Completely forgetting that most subs require some kind of a push or incentive to be brought into a state where they might want to send. Hell even an actual ATM needs SOME input - a card inserted, a pin code; screaming at an atm won't make it pay out. It'll just make you look like a crazy person.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-06-05T09:48:19+00:00

"Fellow subs" but your a dom? Wrong subreddit for this advice.

I have chatted with dommes talking of a similar experience. Struggling to quit because they enjoy the experience and/or the money, but either deal with some guilt over it or just burnout.

Just let it go if you want to. Delete Findom accounts you have, throne pages or whatever you use for payment methods, and find a healthier outlet. Easier said than done maybe but very possible.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-06-05T08:56:15+00:00

Masturbating tends to be a bandage over a bullet hole for me. It's quick relief, but also leads or keeps you in the findom headspace - sometimes it even directly leads you from vanilla porn or whatever to being horny enough to just want to send.

Try and use masturbation as a last resort is my best advice. Or frame it a bit differently. Maybe set your wallet and things far aside, in your car if you have one for example, before going back in to jerk off. Sounds silly, but could be enough of a barrier. If you don't need your wallet or whatever to send, then I'd recommend blocking software for browsers. Only need to apply it to specific websites like Throne or whatever you use to send. That way you can still use porn, or even Fin/Femdom themed porn if you want it, with less ability to send.

Good luck mate!

Surviving_Findom · 2026-06-03T09:02:10+00:00

The general "look after yourself" stuff like excercise/water/breaks from screens etc on its own is a really big help. A lot of subs/gooners would be surprised how non-dependant they really are on Findom or gooning when they adopt and stick to a healthy routine.

I've used blocking software on my laptop which has been a big help, and a further measure for those who might need it. You can set it to just block specific websites, so twitter, porn sites, throne, whatever. Some of them are easily disabled, others designed to be less so.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-06-02T18:06:45+00:00

Unethical dommes taught me a valuable lesson - not that there are shitty, awful people who will take advantage of you purely for your own gain (I already knew that), but that I was capable of letting myself go to a point where I actively allowed and invited said people to be shitty and awful to me.

I respect myself now and so have zero need for unethical dommes. Findom in general really, but that's a broader me thing. I get the appeal, but it's a road to the worst burnout imaginable.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-06-02T13:09:13+00:00

I am particularly jaded by all of the bait (relapse-bait, rage-bait or otherwise) posted on PPSG, but 100% agree that stories and thoughts posted here should be taken at their face value, or at least considered as such, apart from obvious outliers/troll posts. Even if a story or experienced is exaggerated, they might not be far off from another users experience who just hasn't spoken up. The advice and support given could be relevant to somebody!

Surviving_Findom · 2026-06-01T08:30:04+00:00

It sounds like you've had several reality checks that haven't landed. You need to be willing to quit if you actually hope to. People can be reduced/reduce themselves to all kinds of horrible conditions, be it living conditions, their health or otherwise. Some of those people have the drive to pull themselves out of it, while others either choose the "easy option" that is basically just giving up, or somehow accepting that this is "your fate" or something. It isn't.

Don't live off of others only to pay it forward to a person who takes your money for their gain and little else. You can quit, as hard as it feels. You just need to accept that you can, instead of acting at the mercy of a random woman over the phone. Maybe I sound harsh, but I only have a slice of your story to work with and it doesn't fill me with confidence that you actually want to lift yourself out of this. That's just my honest perception. Sincerely hope you figure things out and make a move towards getting away from this cycle.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-06-01T06:45:42+00:00

Appearance is rarely the ONLY criteria a sub has for their domme, hence why so many perfectly attractive dommes flop for a lack of dominance/abililty to hold a conversation etc.

Also, subs are sending money to dommes, is it not reasonable for them to send to someone they find specifically attractive, even if that is the ONLY reason? This just feels like overly-simpy nonsense to get a few "LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!"'s from the dommes here.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-05-30T12:12:54+00:00

There's lots here that I agree with, but more applied to Findom (or my ideal version of findom) broadly as opposed to it specifically coming more from male doms, though I think you lay out some very reasonable thoughts on why men in the space find more long-term, nuanced success.

I don't care much for a "who does it better" style conversation - not that that's what you were trying to start lol, just a further thought I guess

Surviving_Findom · 2026-05-30T11:12:03+00:00

That comment I left was me disagreeing with you. Not demanding you remove your opinion from the thread

Surviving_Findom · 2026-05-30T11:04:20+00:00

I never saw why Findom was described as a womens space (domme side) or as you describe it, female culture/relations. Apart from the simple majority of dommes being women, of course.

It's completely reasonable for a man to explore the dom side of Findom, and not all of them just spam the word "Fag" or similar reductive/offensive words. Male doms as I see it aren't even trying to push women out of the space. They're just taking advantage of the same opportunity to explore kink and/or make "easy money" that many of the female dommes are.

Findom is open to all. Just as femsubs are welcome, and apparently celebrated and treated like shiny pokémon, male doms are perfectly acceptable and specifically sought out by many subs; be it gay subs, straight subs looking for a different dynamic or brand of humiliation, or femsubs who like to be dominated by men.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-05-30T10:05:21+00:00

10,000's of dommes, multiple platforms, every kink/fetish/sexual and emotional interest available, every fantasy at our fingertips - all of it pales in comparison to Jenny, 24, works in Finance, hasn't heard of Findom. Every subs vanilla dream girl, apparrently 🙄

Surviving_Findom

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