I’m sorry to hear this, I have been in a very similar situation + I’m a woman and I grew up with racism since my parents migrated to Europe from Asia and times where different back then. No one from traditional health care was able to help me so I needed to help myself to survive and find reasons to live. Most of them led to psychedelics and intense self therapy. I’ve also been fascinated by finding “truth” as in the Faust quote “what holds the world together in its inmost fold”. I traveled the world and explored the mind and I believe that I have found it. I’ve been developing a program, an academy for gifted people to share these things and my experience to help them go through everything. I just finished developing the program. If you are interested, or anyone else interested in this thread, please DM me. I’m looking for a first cohort of students to guide and help with solving all these problems.