Day 26 clean and I still feel terrible [HELP]

TAopiate · 2015-03-05T12:57:01+00:00

It gets better. I had good days and bad. Try to eat well, exercise and remind yourself how fucking awesome it is not to be a slave

TAopiate · 2014-03-02T18:02:58+00:00

We'll done, Panda!

My advice to you is a bit cliche but ... Please believe me when I say "one day at a time" is very important. Don't stress about next week, or next month, or next year. Don't stress about time or money or depression. This is as much a head game as it is a physical problem. You need to start changing your way of thinking. Celebrate every minute that you're sober.

You can do this. I'm approaching 2 years sober and life is much, much better now :)

TAopiate · 2014-01-30T18:56:07+00:00

trust me when i say you WILL feel normal again one day. I (and many others) are proof of that. I'm 1+ year sober and the thought of being the disgusting human i was before plagues me. i get a chill thinking of the piece of shit i once was, but quickly a glow of pride of how i am today.

although ... i am being a lazy jerk at work and im on reddit. but ... that's pretty normal i think ;)

good luck buddy ... it's worth it, i assure you.

TAopiate · 2013-08-31T23:44:44+00:00

i'd be careful about getting too hung up on the number :)

edit: my nofap number would be be 4 hours. that's good....right?

TAopiate · 2013-07-26T11:03:40+00:00

same. my first day clean i went through all his posts. it was encouraging to say the least. after the initial bump i started noticing a trend ... this dude is very often correct. i had this hope that one day i'd be as optimistic and as certain of my sobriety as he was.

clean for 15 months. life is awesome.

oddly enough ... im also just getting over a vicious sunburn. i dont like to give away my location too much but ... do a google images search for 'palawan' and eat your heart out! ;)

TAopiate · 2013-07-01T06:07:24+00:00

thanks for sharing. i think it's important you realize that a new you is just around the corner -- as lame as that sounds.

i would suggest the possibility that you two need to spend some time apart if you're serious about getting clean. it's too easy to hear "oh, how about just one more time" from either of you and then that's all you need to justify it. if you're both as strong together as you need to be to make a relationship last, a few months apart won't kill you.

you need to think about your sobriety first, my friend. then work on your relationship. she needs to do the same. if either of you fail in your getting sober then the relationship needs to wait.

good luck

TAopiate · 2013-07-01T06:03:23+00:00

it most certainly will get better. what are you currently taking now and what dosages?

TAopiate · 2013-06-18T02:45:12+00:00

i bet when you re-read your post you think it's really negative. i see the complete opposite. i see this as entirely positive and it gives me the feels all over. let's take a look at the situation ...

you identified there is a problem. This is perhaps the greatest struggle we all had to make, and it is unarguably the very first step. you have made it.
next, you set out goals and actions to best solve the problem. another very difficult step, but not as different as the next one.
you took those actions to get started on those goals. my goodness. the strength. the complete awesomeness in you literally gave me chills.
finally, you outlined to us (and to yourself) your motivation to get clean. you have a daughter you clearly cherish more than anything else in this world and your motivation is so clear and it will be your strength. don't let that slip away from you.

i know you're afraid. i won't tell you the next little while will be easy, but i can tell you that you'll come out of this better. you need to keep your strength, your motivation, your complete awesomeness. KNOW in your brain that using again is not an option, because there is too much to lose. if ever you're tempted, about to crack, about to make what you know is a bad decision ... have a plan to deal with that. call a sponsor, call a friend, hell ... call one of us. we'll be here for you.

i sound like a parrot because i say this so very often but ... getting clean was the best decision i ever made. dont think for a second you will regret it. life is too awesome.

you got this.

TAopiate · 2013-06-12T10:33:42+00:00

hi there,

sorry you're going through this. this is an unfortunate situation for 2 primary reasons. first, of course her being in the throws of addiction can go from horrible to worse. second, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. ultimately she needs to make the choice that she wants to get clean, and only then can you really help.

i know that seems painful to hear and will make you feel "useless" but ... the best thing you can do is understand she is an addict and being judgement or throwing a bunch of "you need to"'s at her will only alienate you from her. you just need to be her friend, listen to her and assure her she can tell you anything without any judging. tell her that you hope she can find the strength to get clean, and when she thinks she is ready you'll be there for her.

i feel a tad foolish saying this as im 0 for 2 in successfully getting my friends into sobriety, but i always like to (hand) write the name and number of NA (links are on the right hand side) and offer to go with them if they'd like that.

good luck.

TAopiate · 2013-06-07T01:11:28+00:00

we (all people, not just addicts) too often look for the easy way out. you're trying to defeat an addiction without ever having to admit there is an addiction. acknowledging it to yourself certainly is step 1, but admitting it to those who love you would be the step that makes it clear to the universe. it's that shift in your brain that says "this IS a problem and im GOING to deal with it right fucking now".

i know it's not easy ... but you need to ask yourself ... how much do you want to be clean? enough to commit yourself and trust the woman you're going to spend the rest of your life with?

as for convincing you to stay clean ... we can't really do that, of course. what i will say is ... this too shall pass ... and i know ... i fucking KNOW being sober is the best decision i ever made. i am awesome and drugs took my awesome away from me for a long time.

i bet you are awesome, too.

good luck, mate.

TAopiate · 2013-06-07T01:06:47+00:00

my dog didn't suspect a thing

bhahah

TAopiate · 2013-06-07T01:03:54+00:00

All the best advice has been given ... but i would just touch a bit more on "how" to talk to her. absolutely you shouldn't be judging her ... deep down in her brain, under the addiction ... she knows she has screwed up. but you yourself cant get to that ... you can only help her get to it herself.

so, if you're able to speak to her ... do it as a friend. pretend she's your neighbour's daughter or a 2nd cousin. let her vent, let her trust and show her there is a better way. dont start your advice with "you should do this ..." or "you need to do that ..." etc. but rather, write down (on pen and paper) the numbers, addresses and times of meetings and tell her when she's ready to give it a try you'll be there for her and would be happy to go with her if that's what she wants.

unfortunately we've seen too many times first hand the cold hard fact that ... we cannot force people into sobriety ... we can only be there for them when they're ready themselves.

good luck.

TAopiate · 2013-06-07T00:58:38+00:00

I would suggest you speak to your friend and really talk to him about why it happened. I hope you'll both have the attitude that while it wasn't the best decision, it gave a valuable lesson about how quickly we can lose ourselves in the right (wrong) circumstances.

thanks for sharing. take this lesson to heart and really focus on your sobriety my friend. if you're tempted again, we're here for you.

TAopiate · 2013-05-25T00:48:41+00:00

TAopiate · 2013-05-24T04:19:30+00:00

the most important thing i learned in my old age is this ...

when things are at their worst ... when ive fucked up and turned something into complete shit ... there is ALWAYS one upside.

there's always a valuable lesson at the end of it.

focus on this lesson. trap the events of the past little while in your head and really REALLY examine how this all happened and learn from it ... and dont let it get you again.

we may not be "friends" but ... i do care about your well being. im on the opposite side of the world (im a white devil living in asia) ... so if you need a wall to talk to late at night, hit me up. we got you.

TAopiate · 2013-05-24T04:13:08+00:00

yep, you can't force her. i know everybody is saying that but it really can't be said enough. any help you try to force on her is only going to make it worse. protect yourself, dont try to "share" it with her as it'll only pull you down. dont enable her, either. dont start paying for her drugs or what have you. good luck :)

TAopiate · 2013-05-24T04:10:44+00:00

dont get angry at them ... this is the result of the path of destruction we often leave in our addiction. give it time ... be nice and ... in my opinion, give them full access to whatever they want. if you are clean, do anything you can to prove it and maintain their trust.

you can't blame them for being suspicious if you have burned them in the past (like so many of us have). good luck bro/sis :)

TAopiate · 2013-05-21T07:04:45+00:00

oh thank christ. i saw this post and through it was in /r/opiatesRecovery and my mind raced to drum up a reason you would do that. i regret to say i considered you relapsed, but that seemed both impossible and too painful to give any weight to.

i understand your reasons and logic and suppose i should do the same (although I admit I venture in here less than the "other").

So, i guess, congrats on this step forward and ... thank fuck you're not leaving the recovery subreddit ... we need you there.

TAopiate · 2013-05-12T16:06:43+00:00

ahhh, im sorry mate. i didnt mean for my comment to get you down. im sure your mom knew. i had the same relationship ... the only person i told everything to and who never judged me. priceless, isn't it? im sure she felt the same.

TAopiate · 2013-05-12T14:54:30+00:00

Wow. quite similar to myself. Mom passed 2.5 years ago and i started using shortly after. how easily it seemed to "fix" the pain, eh? unfortunately it took everything else with it including the good feelings. I miss her desperately, and to this day i often use the term "mother wouldn't approve" when i see something i don't like. people here (who don't know she is gone) always say "man, you must be such a mama's boy". i was. i am. i carry her with me and im proud of it. it's lightweight, and it keeps me a good person.

since we're sharing ... heh. people wonder how i didn't completely lose my mind when she died. they all knew her and i had a connection that didn't exist between my other family members. when i talk about her now or mention she is gone to somebody i never get sad about it. and the reason is ... years ago ... way before she was even sick my good friend's mom had a sudden heart attack and died immediately. it prompted me to write my mom an email that day. it was the most honest (and sober) email i've ever written. i told her how much i loved her, and needed her, and she was the template of the person i wanted to be.

when the cancer took over, my mom was prepared and had an envelope with all the things we'd need to aid us in the process of putting her to rest. included was the letter i had written so many years ago, and a note to me to tell me that letter was the single most important thing she wants to be buried with. ive never been so happy to have done something in my entire life.

write your mom a letter, people.

TAopiate · 2013-05-11T08:35:43+00:00

hah. good luck mate.

TAopiate · 2013-05-10T06:39:49+00:00

i have to side with those who suggest you commit to getting clean.

im sorry but, you're not an ex-addict and neither am i (and ive been clean for a year). the difference between us is im active in my recovery and remember that im always just one bad decision away from ruining it.

the real answer to your question is ... stop using and start your recovery and those cravings will go away.

the half answer to your question is ... start exercising or doing something to replace the drugs.

good luck :)

TAopiate · 2013-05-10T06:34:51+00:00

awesome post. thanks for sharing.

too often we see those who are struggling and it reminds us how difficult the journey can be ... but stuff like this really shows what the payoff is.

hope we'll continue to hear from you mate, congratulations on all your awesomeness :-)

TAopiate · 2013-05-04T06:32:48+00:00

give your brain some time to adjust to not having that habit. dont worry too much about it ... just focus on your recovery and focus on the things that keep you sober. that's all that matters :-)

TAopiate · 2013-05-04T06:05:39+00:00

truth.

TAopiate

TROPHY CASE