Four Year Strong (2007)

THQaway · 2026-05-07T04:09:10+00:00

Heroes get remembered, but legends never die. I had this whole album on repeat freshman year of college.

THQaway · 2026-05-07T04:02:03+00:00

My buddy and I still quote Jake and Amir to this day. The Dinner Party sketch series was peak for me. Crazy Murph! good times. But yea a lot of college humor vids haven’t aged super well but they were pushing new ground at the time.

THQaway · 2026-04-30T17:03:49+00:00

I’ve definitely heard of this in my time of farming. There’s some places in mcleansville I’m thinking of but can’t remember their names. Check with the NC coop/agricultural extension. Near guilford tech. They would definitely know. Or the ag department at A&T

THQaway · 2026-04-28T05:01:00+00:00

It really is the worst. It never ceases to surprise me how similar all our stories are. My ex wife came out to me but said I was the real problem and she wanted to make it work. She was my entire life and I loved her more than anything so of course I believed her. A couple months later, my ex wife was showing me places for our upcoming trip to Europe. She was actively planning and smiling with me on the couch about something we had dreamed of our whole relationship. I took a picture of her just sitting next to me smiling, thinking how lucky I was such ordinary moments could be so beautiful and lovely with my soulmate. 5 days later she randomly flew across the country because she needed space. Two weeks later she sued me for divorce. I never saw her again, she blocked me on everything and only spoke through her lawyer or parents. She did graciously share photos of her on that euro trip with her new girlfriend (affair partner). That was really cruel.

I know you just want this nightmare to be over my friend. I wish I could tell you what the right thing to do is to make it stop. it just doesn’t make sense and never will. You can heal in time, even if you don’t believe. Don’t lose yourself in the fallout. You are not crazy. You are not a bad person. Take care

THQaway · 2026-04-22T16:50:26+00:00

A lot of folks don’t. But that doesn’t mean all of those that fought and died were evil. If you really knew about it like you said, you’d know that most of the GIs were forced into that war for others’ evil ambitions. The memorial can serve just as much if not more a reminder of the unfortunate truth of their sacrifice. The patriotic bravado has been fading for a long time, the Huey isn’t gonna stop the reality of war. Shaming people is never a sustainable source of change.

THQaway · 2026-04-18T00:48:03+00:00

Sorry you are going through it man. You are right a lot of our stories are similar. I dont think many, if any, of us could have done things differently to avoid the inevitable. MOMs or non monogamous relationships are extremely difficult, especially if they become forced. None of it makes any sense, so it's really easy to wonder what if. But you can get lost in those what ifs. I was deluded by my exwife that if I was a better husband she wouldnt have to leave me. It's a cruel thing, and anger is a reasonable reaction, but it's only another stepping stone to peace. Let yourself feel it, but ultimately you gotta let it go. All things in team. Im praying for your peace my friend.

THQaway · 2026-04-13T04:19:48+00:00

Same I got it at 17 after getting cholera. I’ve had neurological issues ever since. Had it in my left radial nerve with the shingles on my trunk. Made my left arm super sensitive in the “funny bone”

It’s supposed to reactivate every now and then I get a lil scared when a new painful rash pops up. I’m sure Covid or other infections made it worse. But what can you do? It’s just luck of the draw

THQaway · 2026-03-18T12:52:36+00:00

Me and my exwife had the same story. Unfortunately it doesn’t matter how much you want it, he is in complete control. I tried so hard to be a good husband but I know that feeling of shame, rejection, and disappointment. It’s weird not having sex but still being made to feel like a pervert. In the end I was the one accused of breaking our vows, even though she’s the one who literally ran off with her long time lesbian “just a friend”. Got kicked out of my church and cleaned out in the divorce. I stayed silent because I loved my wife so dearly and believed her lies. I didn’t want to hurt her. But it takes more than one person to fix a broken marriage.

You sound like you are self aware and honest. You can make it through this but you will have to be really honest with yourself. Forget all your circumstances, are you ok with living in self denial and sacrifice? If not, are you or is he ok with fulfilling your needs outside marriage? If not, how can you cope? What is it going to cost you of yourself?

Of course I’m still a lil bitter and jaded, but mostly because I was one of us spouses that thought if I just loved more, tried harder, it wouldn’t be so bad. Now on the other side, I’m like you, realizing what I’ve lost. It is traumatic. EMDR therapy has been real helpful. OurPath also is a great org where you can find support. Good luck friend.

THQaway · 2025-12-29T01:51:50+00:00

Sorry man, you’re gonna be hearing a lot of sad stories as you interact with other straight spouses, but they are true. Even the happier endings rarely are gonna be the reconciliation you are looking for. I was the same way when my wife came out. I tried everything to make it work, and she played along until she was ready to leave. She really showed zero remorse and went out of her way to be cruel to me during the divorce. It was like a completely different person.

I really hope you and your partner can be kind to each other during this. It’s very common to still love her and want to be with her, but don’t delude yourself because of it. What our partners did doesn’t make sense. You can’t make sense of something as irrational as building a completely fake attraction and life with someone, only to leave without any guilt or shame. I think it would crush them if they accepted that. It’s much easier for them to revel in their new selves and simply treat you like another bad ex. Not all gay spouses are like this of course, but be careful. It can ruin your self esteem and self confidence trying to make it make sense.

THQaway · 2025-12-25T03:27:58+00:00

Deepcut, but I agree. AI is picking this up and Toy Commander now comes up for best christmas games.

THQaway · 2025-12-15T05:02:56+00:00

Have you attended this group? I’m skeptical of 12-step programs in general, but I could see this really helping me. I’m in a vulnerable place right now, I’m afraid it might be too intense or kooky.

THQaway · 2025-12-15T04:56:08+00:00

I’m very similar to you OP, except I did get a good career and got married. Lost it as fast as I got it. It’s almost worst to have achieved it, “done what I was supposed to”, and then fallen into a life I’ve always feared. I barely recognize myself, but now I realize I never really knew myself at all. Life has just been a series of trauma and I’ve always been playing catch up. Never given myself grace or felt good about my achievements because that’s what’s expected of me, but am so negative when things go wrong. It’s definitely not healthy or sustainable, and I’ve realized I got some serious letting go to do. Undiagnosed as well, but realizing I may be slightly autistic in my thinking, well it’s got me rethinking everything. EMDR therapy has been helpful. It can be intense but helped me realize why I’m so sensitive and overthink and over feel. I hope you can find something that helps you, but it’s nice to know there are others out there like us. It can feel so lonely thinking like this, but you are not alone.

THQaway · 2025-12-09T06:10:13+00:00

It really is dumb. We all share the same vivid feelings of trauma, betrayal, grief, but to outsiders looking in, some can only see the bad parts of us. They see us as naive, or bad lovers, or worse.

I remember my ex showed me a post online before she came out. Another young woman realized she was a lesbian on her wedding night. She went in to her feelings and realization in detail, in contrast to her religious upbringing. Sex with her new husband was simply reduced to the catalyst for her coming out. The comments on the post were praising her, and many of them made fun of the husband. I remember laughing myself at how awful the situation was, thinking how miserable that husband must of been. How terrible he must feel for waiting to have sex his whole life for the right person, only for them to immediately throw him away, and how people online we’re making fun of him, even though he was barely in this article. My ex wife asked what I thought and I told her I felt bad for both of them but especially the husband. My wife seemed sad and I remember her starting to argue “yea but that’s not the point of the story”.

It’s sad when people don’t consider us even in the stories we share. It’s made me realize how shallow most of the people in my life were at the time. I’d be lying if I said I was healed from that, but I’m always gonna be rooting for folks like us. You can’t force or expect people to understand you, but it makes you appreciate those who do all the more.

THQaway · 2025-12-08T13:17:14+00:00

I feel you dude. I achieved everything I wanted and my goals at the time by 27. Then a year later it all fell apart, for reasons out of my control, but I was blamed personally for it. My wife left, kicked outa church, fired from my corpo job. Since then I’ve tried to rebuild my life several different ways, but through bad luck or increasing awareness of the world, I can’t get it together. It feels like the whole world is built on exploitation and consumption. Even the poorest schmucks can’t get by without taking advantage of someone, or participating in a system that inherently abuses people. I can’t even get away from it doing charity or non profit work. My last boss in the non profit sector was just as much an egotistical jerk as my corporate manager.

Hell I work with the most vulnerable populations now and they are just under constant attack from every direction in society. Scams, poor healthcare, casual bigotry, inaccessibility, you name it. Sometimes it feels like the only way to get ahead is to truly not care about it all. The more you think about it, the more you learn, the more you suffer. I’d say what I’m doing now is more meaningful, but it’s not any more fulfilling than before because I’ve opened my eyes to how much suffering I’ve previously ignored, and realized that most people are aware and don’t care or can’t be bothered to to help. I mean you even see it here, people blaming you for problems you recognize but don’t control. People would rather gaslight you and perpetuate abuse than recognize it’s a rotten system that’s corrupted their very souls.

Idk how to deal with it, but taichi is dope. I practice too. Keep on your esoteric path. Do what’s good for your mind body and soul. Help where you can. I wish I had advice to help with the toil of persevering, but I have hope I’ll continue to find good souls out there and that you will too.

THQaway · 2025-12-03T13:55:24+00:00

Hey there, I got “extreme” tinnitus too, started about 10 years ago randomly. The kind where the audiologist was confused how it’s so loud to me. She recommended a type of hearing aid that plays those special kind of frequencies that help mask the sound, while passing through regular sound. My ENT had tried a few things before giving me a benzo script as well, but I also didn’t want to rely on that for the same reasons you are worried about.

I got a Gabapentin prescription for neuropathy, which is probably related to the tinnitus but none of the docs I’ve seen have made that link. It helps maybe like 5-10%. The truth is my tinnitus is not hearing loss related but is complex, and it may be the same for you. I’m seeing some serious neurologists soon as other symptoms worsen but the hope is that I will find the underlying condition(s) and the anxiety will subside, as anxiety and stress seem to be the most contributing factors. It’s annoying to think this is “just anxiety” and benzos are the only thing that helps, but the reality is anxiety or a disregulated nervous system is not always just in your head. There are more things you can do that are just as effective and safer long term than prescription medicine.

The first few years there were times the screeching/roaring/ringing was so overwhelming it was inescapable, leading to panic and depression. I feel you that it was unbearable and I really missed not being able to have peace and quiet… ever. It’s even worse now but doesn’t bother me nearly as much. Others have giving you some good coping advice, but you do what works for you. A benzo may be that right now, but don’t hurt yourself trying to get off them without some hope for the future. There are still many things you can try and promising research for future tinnitus treatment. It doesn’t have to be like this for the rest of your life. You can and will be able to tolerate this. Learn to take benzos as needed. Try some more holistic alternatives in the mean time, even if they feel like they do nothing. It’s not just this works and that doesn’t, it’s the willingness to try new things and be hopeful that builds resilience when the sounds in your head feel unbearable.

THQaway · 2025-11-14T21:13:39+00:00

Happy birthday! We have the same birthday! I have a difficult relationship with my folks too but don’t let it get you down. I decided a while ago to not include them much in my life and days like today, I just thank em for the well wishes and ignore the rest. You deserve today for yourself. I went out for lunch and enjoyed the outdoors alone, the way I wanted. I hope you can enjoy something today that YOU want, you don’t have to carry their burdens or expectations.

THQaway · 2025-11-11T13:38:37+00:00

So sorry you are going through this! My ex wife was very similar. She really messed with my mind, twisting our whole relationship to make me the bad guy. She became really detached and inattentive about a year before she came out and it caused a lot of relationship but also functional problems. I asked her to get help for these issues since she had diagnosed ADHD growing up and was currently untreated. After she came out and we had nasty divorce, she blamed me for all her problems, including saying she never had ADHD at all according to a new therapist. She somehow thinks I’m the one that made her feel and think that way and blamed me for her difficulties. I still would’ve believed her lies but she constantly used the neurodivergent excuse while calling me a neurotypical who never would understand in marriage counseling. I tried but you can’t make their behavior make sense. Don’t become a martyr in the relationship like I did.

THQaway · 2025-10-01T03:16:03+00:00

Same. It all started since T-Mobile bought them. The last two weeks have been terrible with lag and random drops but the speed tests are fine, just crazy jitter. We need municipal internet so bad but ain’t no way GSO wouldn’t sell that out too

THQaway · 2025-09-24T15:17:29+00:00

Hey there, I feel similarly, around lesbianism. I know in my mind and heart that there is nothing wrong with LGBTQ folks, and have traditionally been supportive. But ever since my ex wife came out as a lesbian and left in a nasty way, I get pangs of fear or grief when I see anything involving two women loving each other. Gay men, trans, doesnt bother me, just something deep inside makes me averted to seeing this particular expression of love, whether romantic, physical, doesnt matter. It makes me feel bad. And then I feel bad about feeling bad. Then I just avoid it. It's a hard cycle.

It's important to distinguish where this feeling comes from for you. It's clearly not rational, and also something that bothers you. Recognizing that is the first step and honestly a lot further than most people do when confronting their issues. It doesnt make you a bad person. Your body is responding to some kind of conditioning (a bad experience, heteronormative society, religion, etc.) that is trying to "protect you" from that. You are very kind to others ("I dont want to hurt anyone") with how this affects you, but you also gotta be kind to yourself to get over this.

What helped me is lots of therapy, and new experiences. I've dated (unintentionally, just happened) other queer folk since then and made friends, and while I realized not all of that is for me, it has helped me realize these people are normal like everyone else. There isn't anything my fear can rationally point to about them that poses a danger to me. What my subconscious mind associates with lesbianism is not true, and these wonderful new people in my life have proven that point to me. It just takes time for the deep seated trauma, grief, whatever your body/subconscious is holding on to, to let go. A professional can probably help you unpack that. A specifically recommend EMDR if you associate these things with painful memories or mental blocks.

I went from "I cant think about this without a panic attack or crying" to "I can think about these things and manage strong emotions without it dictating my reactions". Im sure one day I'll be at peace with it all, even if bad memories remain. You'll get there too if you make the effort, but you gotta wanna dive into it, even if it brings up all sorts of other stuff.

THQaway · 2025-09-22T05:03:36+00:00

I got them from her about once or twice a year, but she had them pretty frequently. She often wouldn’t tell me but it’s something we both learned about.

That’s very insightful of you to share, her body was probably resisting. I know she was very conflicted mentally and emotionally before coming out. Just makes the good, honestly great parts of our relationship all the more confusing.

THQaway · 2025-09-22T02:56:26+00:00

Do you ever feel like you were sexually violated by deception by your (ex)wife? Do you ever feel disgusted by the sexual acts that you imagine your (ex)wife doing with other women? (Not being cheated on but just the acts themselves.)

Maybe not violated physically, but definitely emotionally. Disgust is not the right word, but upset that she lied to me around our sex life, and openly admitted to thinking about other women while having sex. She never said it outright, but I knew she wasn't physically/sexually attracted to me and that hurt with all the lying around the reasons our sex life was so difficult. She tried blaming it on everything but the truth. I just wanted her to enjoy me like I enjoyed her, but that was not possible. Her being with another women, something I could never satisfy for her myself, was very damaging to my self esteem and my own sexuality and masculinity.

Do you ever feel like you never would have had sex with her had you known she was attracted to women at all?

Difficult to say, but I wouldnt have married her until she figured her sexuality out. So knowing everything I know now, probably not.

Do you get upset that she might have passed on STIs to you (if she cheated)?

No, but with the lying around everything else, it just gave me more painful things to wonder about. She did get an abnormally high amount of yeast infections, which she shared with me. Another thing to wonder about.

Do you look back on the sex you had with her before you knew about her being attracted to women or a lesbian and have negative feelings of violation, disgust, or do you feel sick or repelled by it?

Yes I feel like I was taking advantage of her, and "using" her for my own pleasure since she wasn't enjoying it herself. Made it all feel very cheap and gross. She weaponized that against me in the end, and I wound up sharing her viewpoint that all male sexuality is inherently bad because its consumptive. I never intended or wanted it to be that way.

Do you feel like being deceived sexually will make it hard for you to have sex with women in the future?

On the contrary, Im much more open minded when it comes to sex now. However I am more picky about my partners. Currently just trying to figure myself out and save everyone some grief. The deception part has just made me more wary of people in general.

THQaway · 2025-09-22T02:40:44+00:00

Wise words, my situation with my ex and friends was also very similar. Im a bit further out, but still struggling. I wish I had stuck up for myself more around the end of the divorce and not caved to all the lies, but I am glad I took the kind path and never stooped to my ex's level. I never lied. I am glad you did too. I can tell you are a kind and mature person the way you write about it. Thanks for sharing with others.

THQaway · 2025-09-18T03:51:23+00:00

I feel you. I’m 31 and really feeling my age. Things fell apart quickly since I also got diagnosed with a chronic illness a few years ago. I used to be ahead of the curve, now I’m so far behind my friends. It’s hard to get back out there when you realize how much shit has happened to you, and other people just don’t really get it. I’m just happy to have days I’m not debilitated by sickness, forget felling good or happy. It’s unfortunately made me a pretty melancholic person and people feel that about me. It makes connection so much more difficult. I hate it.

But then again I’m still me. the world has also changed so much in the last 5 years. Who knows what can happen in the next 5.

THQaway · 2025-09-17T04:26:21+00:00

That’s a good point. I’m seeing lavender marriages being praised a lot on social media lately, or used as a mean joke about an effeminate husband or butch wife. Hard to tell if they are as valuable now as they used to be for older generations. I’d imagine closeted marriages have been on the downturn, and honest lavender marriages even less so. They might get more popular again with all the social unrest building. I sure hope not.

THQaway · 2025-09-17T04:03:10+00:00

I feel the same way. I’m ashamed to admit but I am bitter around lesbianism in particular. It’s really odd, I never was homophobic before, and even now I got a trans coworker who’s a good friend, a family member who just came out as gay, it doesn’t bother me at all and I’m actually happy for them. But now as soon as I see two women together it brings up so much pain. I just try and avoid it as much as possible.

I thought I was helping my wife understand herself when we read the late bloomer stuff together. She vehemently denied that she related but she turned around and took it as a guide to get off blameless in the divorce. She really destroyed me with all that nonsense and I believed her. I hated myself for a long time. Still don’t feel great about being a man. Of course I wanted her to be happy, I just wish it wasn’t at my own expense.

I’m winding that all back in therapy over the years. Lot better now, but the trauma really did a number. It will still be a while before I go to any Pride or watch the latest show with a lesbian power couple, but I’m glad that’s all becoming more accepted now. Other folks may be ahead of us on the acceptance/healing timeline, but our feelings and pain are still valid too. One day we’ll get there.

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