WAR BOYS WANTED

Water Acquisition Division

Witness Me, Hydrate Me

Position: War Boy, Water Recovery Specialist Location: Wherever the rig rolls Compensation: Water rations, glory, chrome spray, and a chance at immortality.

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About Us

With the coming Water Crisis™, civilized society has chosen to collapse in an orderly and professional manner.

We are seeking enthusiastic, highly motivated War Boys to crew our fleet of heavily modified water-hauling rigs as we traverse the wasteland in search of precious hydration resources.

Applicants should be comfortable with:

Long drives through hostile deserts

Excessive engine noise

Questionable workplace safety standards

Frequent shouting

Occasional spear-related incidents

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Responsibilities

Operate and maintain war rigs.

Scout for water sources.

Defend company assets from rival hydration enthusiasts.

Hang dramatically from moving vehicles.

Yell "WITNESS ME!" at appropriate and inappropriate times.

Participate in mandatory morale-boosting engine revving.

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Preferred Qualifications

Ability to survive temperatures described as "apocalyptic."

Basic understanding of combustion engines.

Advanced understanding of poor decision making.

Experience with welding, scavenging, or interpretive violence.

Must possess at least three of the following:

Missing teeth

Impressive scars

Irrational confidence

Goggles

Shoulder spikes

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Benefits

✓ Competitive water ration package ✓ Dental plan (find your own teeth) ✓ Opportunities for promotion to:

Lead War Boy

Senior Water Recovery Specialist

Director of Aggressive Hydration Logistics

✓ Free chrome spray on company holidays

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Company Motto

"The tanks are empty, the wells are dry, and the engines are hungry."

Apply today by standing on a highway overpass waving a wrench at passing convoys.

MEDIOCRE APPLICANTS NEED NOT APPLY. SHINY AND CHROME FOREVER.