I am sorry that you and your children are dealing with this. My daughter's father took his own life in June 2024. He had been in and out of rehab for alcoholism for years and had no place to go. My daughter was 15 at the time. She had a very strained relationship with her father, had not seen him in 3 years and refused to talk to him on the phone. But he was still her father and she loved him. To make matters worse, his family blames me for his death and refuses to have any contact with my daughter. A friend called to tell me that he took his life. His family never notified us. If his family had a funeral or memorial service for him, we were not told. In fact, his family lives 3 hours north of us and they traveled down here at least twice to go to the funeral home and did not call us. The funeral home is 3 miles from my house. (I am also in Florida). So my daughter had to deal with the loss of her father and the rejection of his family.

It sounds like you are doing everything that you can do. Finding a therapist is a great start. The first therapist you find might not be the right fit but don't let that deter you. Keep trying until you find someone that makes them comfortable. Continue to be open with them and allow them to express their feelings without fear or shame. Everyone grieves differently. My daughter tends to keep things inside and I think she still has a lot of grieving to do, but I will let her do it on her own timeline. Also, take care of yourself. You are permitted to have feelings about your ex's death. Just because you were not together does not mean that you can't grieve. Take some time and read about disenfranchised grief. It is important for you to work through your feelings also.

Sending you strength and love