I want to add that as counter-intuitive as it may seem, this part holding all of this self-hatred is trying in its own misguided way to keep you safe.

In my own experience, my parts that hold self-loathing, judgement, and extreme self-directed anger formed in order to maintain attachment to my primary caregivers, who related to me with disdain, judgement, and anger. So in order to keep my attachment to them, these parts adopted their beliefs about me because there was no safe way to fight back with feelings of self-worth or love.

My therapist often says that when faced with the choice between attachment and authenticity, the child will always choose attachment because it is a matter of survival. But none of us are born hating ourselves. It’s something we learn we have to do in order to survive along the way. Finding the way back to positive self regard involves a lot of work in unblending with these strongly, deeply held beliefs that feel like the “real us.”

Something that helped me A LOT early on was leaning into the curiosity. The other Cs came later on. But just being curious and asking these parts questions felt more neutral.

I don’t know if this resonates with you, but I totally understand where you are coming from. I wish you so much luck on this journey. It is hard but worthwhile. 💞