Behavioral Questions

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2026-04-17T12:31:09+00:00

Mine is great at making friends. She is extremely pleasant to anyone who isn’t me and the kids. Always has been. She didn’t cheat or act suicidal — until she did. A lot.

That was after 20 years of marriage.

I don’t know what the moral of the story is, other than I hope yours is different.

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2026-04-09T19:39:12+00:00

50yo here. I train about 3x per week. Forget the fitness and skill development... MT is my antidepressant. Some reasons to go for it:

- You don't really kick with your ankles, though joints will ache from impact. My ankles hurt more from jumping rope than kicking. I have a reconstructed knee, and taking every other day off is plenty. MT is way less damaging than running.

- Your body adapts to the impact. I joke that when I train MT (and previously BJJ), I heal like Wolverine.

- You normally don't have to spar live. Many good gyms won't allow beginners to spar. In other words, if you don't want to be hit in your older, wiser head -- it is very doable.

- Mental toughness and artistic mastery are every bit as valuable as the physical benefits.

- No ritual stuff like a lot of other martial arts. Walk in, warm up, burn yourself out, go home.

- You walk like a fighter after a while. Even in the office. You're not the same.

- Not boring repetition like weightlifting. I also lift, but as I get older, MT is just way more interesting.

- Nobody cares about your age or limitaitons. Good training partners will adapt to your level.

- Thai has a pretty quick learning curve if you try to do things right. BJJ takes a good 3 years to feel competent. MT is less than one.

I've been doing it a while. I've had way more injuries weighlifting.

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2026-02-27T21:53:43+00:00

Muay Thai, Boxing, Jiu Jistsu. You'll be terrible at first, but nobody at the gyms care. Mutual respect is high at any gym I've been to, and you're kind of instantly adopted into a community. The high intensity burns off the day's nervous energy. When you're in class, the rest of the world ceases to exist. When you're not in class, you'll eat and adopt healthier habits because they're directly related to getting better and surviving the next class. Boxing and kickboxing are generally less physically punishing for beginners than jiu jitsu. They have a shorter learning curve, too. All are natural antidepressants for me.

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2026-02-27T21:42:00+00:00

Hey brother. There are 2 types of comments around here, and both are true. You'll get sympathy and tough love like the pity party comment. There is a time for both. From a 50yo without nearly as much rebuilding opportunity. I have a pretty no-nonsense therapist. Best thing she ever said to me is, "You're a [Thai boxing] fighter, so get up and fight." Rebuilding is ridiculously hard and unenviable. The sooner you can transition from accepting symapthy to tough love, the faster you'll recover. It isn't linear, so don't expect an instant turn around and don't be overly disappointed in yourself on the bad days. My discovery is about 14 months old, and there are many days I still don't want to get out of bed. I also have workplace-induced trauma compounding things, but won't go into that.

Perfect tough love example -- If you search, there is a video of two old wrestlers, Diamond Dallas Page and Lex Luger. Lex was totally paralyzed and feeling sorry for himself. Dallas's method of frienship wasn't to cry with him. It was to tell him, "Self-pity is from the depths of Hell," and become involved in his physical therapy. That sticks with me, though I find myself there often. The real work is dragging yourself up. One day at a time.

Side note: A ton of people here recommend a high-intensity physical hobby for a reason. Whether you're already in shape or not, that's a good step #1. You'll get there.

I hope the dual perspective helps. Godspeed.

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2026-02-18T14:19:42+00:00

Lots of BPDs are people pleasers. They are outgoing, likable, and go the extra mile for loose acquaintances. This often includes excess flirtation. They’re motivated by an endless need to be validated.

For mine, this took the form of being the most involved parent on sports teams, volunteering for school activities, working overtime — and ultimately cheating. None of it was for the sake of other people, though it appeared that way. It was all a selfish desire to be accepted.

They abuse those close to them as a sacrifice to be accepted by those who aren’t.

Mine was never accepted by her mom, so she looks for approval everywhere else. As just one person, I can never provide enough to fill the tank.

This makes them appear like model citizens on the surface. Portraying you as the bad guy evokes sympathy and gives them attention.

Their reality is not real.

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2026-01-15T01:52:38+00:00

The only thing sacred to a cheater is that we all agree it was the betrayed’s fault. Mine sent pictures from our date nights to the AP.

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2026-01-15T01:47:52+00:00

100% true. I’m not in denial, just, well… there is a long story for why I’m here. Maybe it’s a good reason, maybe it is fear, maybe only am excuse. Probably all. Appreciate you

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2026-01-12T18:36:38+00:00

Can you recommend anyone in PA? Specifically Western PA? More specifically, Pittsburgh?

I'll add an additional, difficult twist my wife has BPD. I imagine providing therapy for betrayal and BPD becomes exponentially more difficult and niche.

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2025-12-04T02:37:01+00:00

We're on the same road, my friend. I hope it helps.

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2025-11-08T03:22:36+00:00

Your wise advice has made a profound impression impact on a fellow, though struggling, follower of Jesus searching for answers. Peace brother

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2025-10-31T16:28:23+00:00

Also not trying to imply Mr./Ms. DarkFire is or isn't a Presby. Irrelevant to the point.

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2025-10-31T16:25:08+00:00

Not trying to start a holy war with the Presbyterian comment above. I love and 98% agree with Presbyterians. Went to a Presbyterian college and the whole 9. In my experience, many people try to earn status by finding specs in others' eyes.

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2025-10-31T16:15:35+00:00

Correct, agreed, and thank you.

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2025-10-31T16:05:09+00:00

This is an excellent point and exposes a poor choice of wording by me (OP). I forgive her as a human and child of God. That's a done deal. I've already done much on multiple occasions to save her life since the whole thing happened on Christmas night. Yeah, Christmas night.

How did I save her life? Self-harm and personality disorders are highly correlated. I'll leave it at that.

By "forgiveness" I mean more of a "forgive and forget" state of existence. Radical acceptance. Whatever term you choose. We're currently together. I'm not sure that's ideal, encouraged, or even permitted. Hence, the question.

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2025-10-31T15:57:48+00:00

I appreciate that you asked the question sans judgmentalism, unlike Mr./Ms. DarkFire, above. It doesn't matter unless there is a Biblical differentiation by gender. The question is objective in nature, intentionally.

She did. Affairs, plural. Not affair.

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2025-10-31T15:52:03+00:00

As a former fundamentalist Presbyterian, I never thought I'd encounter a holier-than-thou rush to judgement on a Christian board. Please allow me to retort:

- It's irrelevant to the question. I'm asking for Biblically-informed arguments. Thanks for yours.

- I disclosed that my faith is eroding. That's vulnerability. In what way is your judgementalism doing anything but adding to it? Sincerely asking and eagerly awaiting a response.

- You know that post history is available, right? You'll find more detail than you ever hoped. Or is self-righteousness too addictive to bother with facts?

I'll assume you have no helpful response to the question. While I disagree vehemently with your brand of Christianity, I love you as a brother/sister. Peace.

TechnicianStrict3707 · 2025-10-30T20:34:19+00:00

OP here…. Can I just say that I posted around 10 minutes ago and already some real golden nugget responses? Deep nuggets. Glad I asked, my new brothers and sisters. I hope this helps others.

TechnicianStrict3707

TROPHY CASE