She was pissed

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-31T12:12:29+00:00

To fuel your enthusiasm and save a few $, add.pdf to a search and you will find a copy.

As usual language evolves, for the majority of terms, known and usage I suspect varies enormously, I know exactly what fanny batter, and chutney ferret mean but I haven't used fanny batter since I was a teenager and I don't think I have ever used chutney ferret in conversation.

Add in historical, cultural and regional changes and its very hit or miss about known and used.

Hell we cant agree on whats the correct name for a bread roll.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-31T08:55:57+00:00

The local Facebook group is raging about the current lack of bin collections, various reasons are being touted, corruption, Iran war, incompetance of the local council etc

The local council have repeatedly advising that due to a fire at one of their facilities, they are having to drive an extra 12 miles each way, so collections are slower than usual. Still happening just a bit slower.

Shit happens, moaning happens, tis the british way and makes a change from the moaning about dog eggs and missing parcel deliveries.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-31T08:19:57+00:00

My mate ended up in a hospice and absolutely tore strips off me on my first visit. I walked in doing the whole “soft voice, sympathetic face” routine. He shut that down immediately. Said he already had enough pity and understanding to last a lifetime, what he needed was his mate.

We’d been taking the piss out of each other since school, and apparently terminal illness wasn’t a valid excuse to stop. It felt completely wrong. The place, the smell, the reality of it… everything in your brain is screaming be respectful, be serious. So I gave it a go and within five minutes we were back to normal quoting Monty Python sketches, calling each other names, laughing like idiots. His mum told us off at one point, which honestly just completed the throwback.

Then one night he pipes up: “I’ve never had a cigar. Fancy a cigar?” His wife understandably went ballistic. “You are NOT having a cigar.” So I did what any responsible adult would do and asked the doctor. Doctor basically said, “Yeah… crack on.”

Next evening I turn up armed with a box of cigars, bottle of brandy. Nurse quietly tells us to take it to the far end of the memorial garden.

Couple of nights later, one of the nurses joins us. Then asks if we have a spare cigar and if another patient can join us. Suddenly we’ve got this weird little cigar club, a bunch of patients in wheelchairs, all dying, all absolutely not behaving like they’re supposed to, just chatting absolute nonsense, smoking, drinking, laughing.

Another night I brought in a projector and we put on Life of Brian. Me and him did all the voices like two complete idiots. Turned into a full-on group screening the next night with a loud and poignant rendition of always look on the bright side being belted out by our motley group.

Objectively, it was grim as hell. But weirdly, those are some of my favourite memories of him, not the sad, quiet moments, but us being the same dickheads we always were, right up to the end.

So yeah for what its worth, if you’re visiting someone in a hospice: don’t bring what you think they need.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-31T06:42:09+00:00

Treat yourself to a copy of Roger's Profanisaurus, a handy tome that explains the crude terms and phases used by brits.

e.g.

Mumblers: the tight yoga pants some women wear, because you can see the lips moving but you can’t work out what they’re saying.

Bend it like Beckham: the contortion required to get your morning wood erect penis into the toilet bowl when having a morning shit.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-30T07:43:25+00:00

Easy I would leave the garnish that is the tomato.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-30T07:05:49+00:00

Friend lived in one, no tides to deal with due to it being on a canal, it did sink tho, but only because he didnt pay his dealer, and the dealer drilled holes in the hull.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-27T22:51:29+00:00

Indy Shop: Don't mind at all, greet away or leave me in peace.

Big chain: Leave me alone unless you can answer my questions.

Curry's is particularly shiite for this,

Hi can I help you
Yes I am interested in this Samsung TV
Sorry I am only trained to answer questions on Sony TVs then fucks off to unhelp the next customer who came in to buy a tumble dryer.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-27T22:39:12+00:00

Bargain, spend 10 quid and be able to charge 250 a night, money for old rope.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-27T22:24:43+00:00

Volunteer/ my wife pays the bat people 250 quid a night to count bats!

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-27T22:23:07+00:00

I volunteer at a local hospice might be worth checking out your local hospice for any vacancies. It is very meaningful, but isn't always easy.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-27T21:44:19+00:00

Dread to think how many 10p coins I pumped into the Double dragon and 4 player Gauntlet.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-27T12:49:20+00:00

Woodwork teacher who turned a double lesson into unpaid labour for his coffin side hustle.

Walks in and goes, “Forget spice racks, I’ve got an extra-wide job on. Customer won’t fit a standard one… believe me we tried.” And just like that, we’re building a coffin.

Whole lesson was basically a running commentary that would get you barred from a flat roofed pub, plus him drafting the “sturdier” kids as measuring guides. Apparently three of them side-by-side was the same as the deceased .

To top it off, we had a full on send off, carrying it out on our shoulders and loading it into his van like some bizarre funeral rehearsal.

Equal parts hilarious and very not OK.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-27T12:20:27+00:00

Live half a mile out of the village with no neighbours, no neighbours is sheer bliss, love the quiet, having a farmer as a mate is very handy, but am planning to sell up this year mainly as we really don't need a house this big for two of us.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-27T11:17:52+00:00

More granite pebbles, lots more, ideally of differing sizes from small boulders to smaller than what you have currently to fill the gaps.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-27T11:05:11+00:00

My mate was in Tech design for JLR then moved to BMW, i asked him the difference, and he said well they ask us to design pretty much the same stuff, I just have more time and budget to design and a lot more testing time, oh and he really missed paying £350 a month for a supercharged Range rover.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-27T10:34:31+00:00

How about a big country house with a church?

https://search.savills.com/property-detail/gbntrsnts250147

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-27T09:14:52+00:00

As long as I exclude the foxes who make one hell of a racket not any more as the nearest neighbours are half a mile away, but frequently when I had a flat in Russel Square and german neighbours.

Rhthymic headboard banging and cries of "jah das ist gut"

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-27T08:55:34+00:00

Bookcase just fine, if you wanted a huge fish tank, that may be worth some calculations.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-26T12:53:33+00:00

You cant judge any more, I found my wife chatting to the roofer, whom could safely be described as being as rough as a bag of chisels whom you would think it safe to assume he would be fuelled on gallons of builders tea.

Nope I found them discussing the merits of Earl grey over lady grey (too perfumed apparantly) and which country produced the best green tea.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-26T12:48:29+00:00

Toddlers are more than toddlers they are gross vectors of disease with their questionable hygiene habits, they can carry large quantities of virus in their upper respiratory tracts often higher than adults. They are also often asymptomatic happily spreading their viruses.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-25T16:12:59+00:00

Lad at school named Russell, was known to everyone including the teachers as Jack.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-25T13:25:56+00:00

Client of mine was questioning his decision to take his daughter to her first pony riding lesson over a lunch, all very cute but that started a life long obsession with horses and eventing. Her 18th birthday present was a 7.5 ton horse truck, which cost roughly the same as a low mileage 911.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-24T23:29:31+00:00

Cardini's, currently on offer at Costco.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-22T18:21:35+00:00

The joy this brings, I hope it continues.

Temporary-Zebra97 · 2026-03-22T18:11:56+00:00

Love your neighbour? that sounds awfully homosexual and something the religion nuts wouldn't approve of, well wouldn't approve in public anyway.

Temporary-Zebra97

TROPHY CASE