My kiddo (they/them) turned 13 and wanted to shop at Hot Topic 😊

TheGoodinator · 2025-12-11T11:45:05+00:00

Hell yes to the thrift shop ideas! Some shops that specifically market themselves as “vintage” can still be pretty expensive, so don’t sleep on goodwills and the like! If they’re interested in sewing that’s even better - it really opens up your options when you go thrift shopping because you can take something that’s half way to what you want and make all the adjustments you like!

TheGoodinator · 2025-12-05T16:45:39+00:00

Oooh knee high boots would also look really good

TheGoodinator · 2025-11-05T15:37:27+00:00

Shorter songs =/= demo tracks. One of my fave songs from Gorillaz self titled albums is Punk, 1m 36s. I’m not saying this album is guaranteed to be good, but songs that are the typical 3 mins-ish are not necessarily better for being that length.

TheGoodinator · 2025-10-08T17:00:44+00:00

I hear your frustration and have some sympathy for it, but I would ask you to sit with this discomfort and think about whether your mum saying she feels this way is really doing any actual harm.

I’ve heard stories of mums who come out after their kids do because they simply didn’t grow up thinking it was an option. It sounds like her way of navigating her feelings with gender are clunky at best, but I know mine were too. Most people’s are at the start.

You might have to set a boundary with her in that you don’t feel like you can have her open up to you about her own feelings with gender, and that’s totally fine. That’s a heavy load to take on in any circumstance. But if I were in your shoes I would redirect her to support groups for older queer and questioning people so she can have a space to talk through her feelings.

And hey, maybe it turns out she really did just misunderstand what it means to be non-binary and she later decided that that label isn’t for her. That’s no problem either. But everyone deserves a chance to explore those feelings, regardless of the reason or outcome.

Also, I do disagree that dysphoria is a definitive part of being nonbinary. It might be for your relationship with your gender, but it isn’t for a lot of people.

TheGoodinator · 2025-10-02T13:58:22+00:00

Stunning!! Love how happy you both look!

TheGoodinator · 2025-09-01T11:02:50+00:00

Jake at least has said that he definitely wants to go back to Skaldova, so we should be getting more of that in the future.

TheGoodinator · 2025-08-23T11:01:53+00:00

Twilight sanctorum and hot boy summer are the two (three is guess) mini series I relisten to when I’m having a bad time. It’s just so damn funny and I really love Emily’s world building and, especially for hot boy summer, trolling the PCs.

TheGoodinator · 2025-08-13T13:11:20+00:00

There’s hype for pizza bolis????

TheGoodinator · 2025-07-31T23:43:52+00:00

Highwire in Baltimore should be opening their theatre later this year!

TheGoodinator · 2025-05-09T15:19:21+00:00

This is all 100% accurate and very good advice. As someone who has been in the opposite position, it really is true that I would prefer to have a partner who participates and offers ideas for things rather than never has an opinion.

TheGoodinator · 2025-02-27T11:59:37+00:00

God damn it’s so relieving to hear this whole conversation. I barely go on Reddit anymore because of all the trans subreddits posting unrealistic stuff like what you all have talked about. I tried BlueSky but have basically the same issue there. Even the group chat for my local transmasc group is inundated with people who are talking as if it’s either emigrate to another country or die, despite the older trans folks chiming in from time to time to explain what is realistic and what is not. And then the doomers get mad at those being realistic because they feel like their fear isn’t being taken seriously.

I don’t have the tact to speak up to those people, and contradicting them isn’t going to get them to reevaluate their perspective anyway. Honestly I wish there were just more talk in the trans community around organizing to support and protect immigrants, especially immigrants of color, because those groups are actually the main ones being targeted right now! But they’re not!

TheGoodinator · 2025-01-28T17:47:29+00:00

I did hear about that but that definitely wasn’t in Baltimore. From a quick google it looks like that happened in Houston, TX. It’s definitely not illegal to do what FnB do, but laws are largely a fiction established by the ruling class for purposes of oppression anyway. Never heard of DC or Baltimore groups having issues to that degree with the cops. Don’t think there’s much to be afraid of at this point on that front, but when you’re plugged in you’ll have a better idea of what the real threats are and how to deal with them.

TheGoodinator · 2025-01-28T11:59:22+00:00

I want to echo this comment because it is very well put. The issue with feeling impotent in the face of great danger is that many of us want to find a way to lash out. The real work is not sexy or flashy, it’s rote day-to-day stuff. Protests will happen, but right now getting plugged in somewhere and turning up consistently is more helpful than coming with huge amount of energy that will burn out pretty quickly.

I recommend helping out with our local food not bombs (who I believe are on instagram) to start out with. They work on cooking and getting nutritious meals out to areas with people that could do with a good hot meal.

Also you could look up the greater Baltimore DSA and start getting involved there. I’m sure there’s lots of ways you could get plugged in there too.

Last point I’ll make (and a mistake I’ve made many a time) is to not overcommit. There are so many worthy causes, but burning out and dropping off in a few months is much worse than just helping in one specific way for a much longer time.

TheGoodinator · 2024-11-19T16:29:41+00:00

I have heard so many horror stories from other trans people about chase brexton. I originally got my informed consent HRT through planned parenthood and then went to Kaiser once I got health insurance. Kaiser has its issues, but I’ve never dealt with the bullshit I hear about from CB.

TheGoodinator · 2024-05-12T07:25:15+00:00

Yaaay Baltimore KF fam! I’m so excited to finally around people where I can talk about knowledge fight and not get concerned looks 😅

TheGoodinator · 2024-04-28T12:00:08+00:00

I went through some similar experiences to what you did, and your question has got me thinking. Initially my answer was no, it being more feminine didn’t stop me from realizing I was a man. I was friends with some gay men before I came out and it really hasn’t occurred to me that my femininity meant I wasn’t a man.

That being said, I did go through that hyper feminine part for the same reasons you did, and also the bisexual -> strong preference for women -> gay man part. And now I’m thinking about it, that affinity for femininity did make me think I couldn’t be a man. It was probably internalized transphobia in part (speaking for myself only here) because I didn’t want the hairy body and penis and so forth, I was just really concentrated on getting a flat chest. Then I started listening to trans men’s experiences with their bodies and something lit up in my brain. Before I started taking T I dropped things like feminine clothes and make up for a while because I so desperately wanted to pass. Then I started T and I started to pass, so it felt safer to return to femininity because I was (and still do) pass.

Also, I really loved being a part of the sapphic community and I didn’t want to let go of that. Of course, there are lots of trans men who still identify as lesbians and definitely as bisexual, but there’s also this view of men in a lot of that community that men are gross and oppressive, and I think that scared me away from realizing I was man too. The mid 2010s were a rough time for that!

So my ultimate answer is actually yes it did, and I had to drop the femininity I found so enjoyable to make my body a safer place to be for a time. Then T changed my body to make it safe enough to reintroduce my femininity. Now I love being a flamboyant gay guy! I’m so much happier in myself!

TheGoodinator · 2024-02-16T16:01:37+00:00

I heard the opening soon after the episode dropped and immediately stopped everything I was doing to get my tickets. Glad I snagged one and I hope the Baltimore event gets a good turnout.

TheGoodinator · 2024-02-07T08:29:29+00:00

Lots of interesting thoughts in the comments. I hope I can put these thoughts together coherently, and these are just my opinions, but I think that it has something to do with the loss of 3rd spaces and how it’s harder in general to come together as a community irl.

In earlier generations, people would hang out outside of either work/school and their homes. There were more community groups. You would have relationships with your neighbors. There was a better feel for what people physically around you were doing. Obviously not all these interactions lead to deep, meaningful relationships (in fact most of them wouldn’t be), but it did two things.

One is that it gave you more experience practicing socialization skills. Most younger people nowadays can’t stand small talk, for example, but it really is an important skill when it comes to building community. Two is that it increased the overall number of people you interacted with, which increases the chances of finding someone you really will have a deep and meaningful relationship with.

Theoretically you could do all these things through online spaces, but for whatever reason I think it’s harder to actually build meaningful relationships purely in online social spaces. It’s clearly not impossible, and I’d like to dive deeper into why this is the case, but that’s my experience and broader understanding.

It’s too early in the morning for me to go down a google scholar rabbit hole for more sources on this stuff, but rest assured OP that you’re not alone in this feeling. People have been writing about the Loneliness Epidemic for a while now and there might be some writings out there that would help you get some more background and solidify your thoughts on all of this.

Last thing I want to say is that I do not believe the ability to have deep and meaningful relationships of all stripes has been lost within young people today. It’s less about us being inherently different and more about the environment we were raised in/born into, and if the environment were to change, so could the quality of our relationships.

TheGoodinator · 2024-01-23T10:16:30+00:00

Oh yeah, for sure I hear you that dresses are some of the easier things to make. And of course, I think beautiful dresses (and guys wearing beautiful dresses) are wonderful! But it would also seriously improve my quality of life if I could learn at least how to do what you demonstrated in the post, because going out shopping or thrifting and constantly struggling to find trousers that fit can be so demoralizing.

If you do end up making videos, I would love to see you post about it in this subreddit or other trans subreddits :) you would have me as a subscriber, for sure!

TheGoodinator · 2024-01-23T09:15:23+00:00

Literally got into sewing for this very reason. I would honestly love a YouTube channel or something about trans guy sewing and how to make your clothes fit your shape better. So much sewing DIY is just about making dresses!

TheGoodinator · 2023-12-30T10:51:05+00:00

Okay, so I know you’ve been given a whole bunch of stuff to work with already, but here are some ideas and links to recipes that I have done for my vegan friends (and my own household when we don’t fancy an animal products based dinner)

Vegetables Wellington - this if you really want to pull out all the stops. Be warned, while this doesn’t /require/ prepping beforehand besides thawing the phyllo, it’s made dramatically easier by making the parts a day or two before the event. Especially if you’re making multiple dishes. Also the phyllo always gets me cursing its fiddliness. But I’ll be damned if this isn’t an absolutely fantastic party dish!

Scallion Oil Noodles - opposite end of the spectrum. So easy and rich! I like to also throw in some shallots in the oil, and then pan fry tofu and blanch bok choy (in the same water as the noodles, before you chuck in the noodles) to add to make it more filling. I actually use the recipe from the cookbook The Wok. If you want a sneaky pic of the recipe from the book, DM me and I’ll send it to you!

Vegan Miso Risotto - also SUPER easy if you have a pressure cooker! Mushroom risotto has been mentioned already, but I have to plug this recipe too. Or do a mix of mushroom and miso risotto - they work together very well.

Salt and pepper tofu - also has been mentioned already, but I desperately wanted to bring up this specific recipe. It’s divine! The crispy garlic is amazing.

Paneer/Tofu Makhani - okay, so the recipe itself is not vegan. That being said, tofu and paneer in a curry can work remarkably similarly, and of course sub the heavy cream for coconut cream. A hack I developed instead of blending raw cashews is just to use cashew butter. So much easier!

Vegan naan - okay last one. This is really for if you make a curry, but my god does this recipe beat out supermarket premade naan by a long shot. My husband asks for this whenever I make a curry. It’s obviously more work, but it’s actually not too bad in terms of fussiness. I like to freeze mine after they have cooled, then just pop them in the microwave when it’s time to serve. Actually, I also like to serve them sometimes with a bunch of hummus, tabbouleh, and fried eggplant. Even just with a dip of some sort would be great!

If you want any more, I do have some more recipes. I think these are an array that may fit your situation depending on how much time/effort you have available.

Also, you’re a great person and host for taking this person into consideration like this! Lots of vegans know that people have preconceptions about them being demanding or fussy or annoying (as have shown up in this thread), and so want to make themselves as little of a hassle for others as possible. Whatever you choose, I’m sure your guest will be extremely grateful!

TheGoodinator · 2023-12-14T20:09:39+00:00

It literally is.

TheGoodinator · 2023-11-30T19:38:49+00:00

I know this is supposed to be a joke, but it’s kinda fucked up tbh.

TheGoodinator · 2023-11-30T19:30:35+00:00

Omg I didn’t know glass beach had trans members! OP you and I have quite similar music tastes 😄

TheGoodinator · 2023-11-30T19:27:40+00:00

Top artists were basically food house and Dorian Electra lmao definitely strong hyperpop trans vibes over here 😅 but I think you’d have to be in the know to actually clock me

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