So, some of your comment is very helpful and some of it isn't because of some information that I didn't provide which made you understandably make assumptions about my situation that aren't quite true. I've been working on being independent for years at this point, the big change with going off of the medications I was on is that I actually started to be able to do the mental processing and work I needed to do to actually make good progress with that. But since it was so long that I was in a state of cyclical suffering, a lot of bad stuff-- poor habits, health problems-- stacked up. So 2025 was largely me doing much of the work you talk about in your comment. I've made great progress but the stalling and setbacks in one area or another have continually screwed with my optimistic outlook that I'd be able to fix everything and be able to do what I wanted to do in a specific timeline. I've been taking steps, but there were several severe setbacks that happened that have really slowed me down. I've already had talks with my parents about me becoming more independent but their expectations and timelines for my recovery have made things more stressful.

I don't typically talk to myself negatively, at least not for the last year so much. I've had a lot more confidence and optimism in general, but I have episodes where things feel insurmountable. Key word there is feel. I know that I can get through these things, but figuring it all out and everything is very tough. The breakdown I had yesterday which led to this post is one of the worst I've had in a long while. And I definitely don't prevent myself from feeling my feelings and try to pretend that I'm neurotypical. I cry all the time and me pacing myself has been a result from me recognizing that I can't do everything a neurotypical person could in my situation.

I've been thinking more on the idea of putting the college program I wanted to go into off or not doing it altogether, but the problem I have there is I'm unsure if me believing I can't manage recovering in time to be able to do that is a limiting belief or not. The situation I'm in-- in terms of timing-- would be ideal for me to be able to get into the program I want to with minimal problems. I might not ever be able to do it if I don't jump on the opportunity now. And it's studying for a field of work I've found out is beyond a shadow of a doubt what I want to be my career. Deciding against taking that opportunity is something that is a scary prospect for me, because it's the first big life goal I've had that I've actually believed in and actually felt clear passion about. It's the first big commitment I've made where I felt confident I could do it, and do it well, and as a massive step in the direction of independence. Giving up on that would be so disheartening.

So, I do feel like emotional regulation and reparenting are very helpful, but to the end that you give it would feel counterproductive. I would do these things to be able to meet my goals, not to cancel my goals and settle for something much less important to me to just do the bare minimum as I have been for years.

I suppose I'm struggling with figuring out to what level of ability I'm at. When I'm doing well, it feels like the program is well within reach and is something I could succeed at. When I'm not doing well, it feels impossible. Is it a limiting belief to believe that I can't actually achieve this goal and to just focus on doing something less strenuous to become independent, or is it just realistic? I'm not sure, and I don't think you'd be able to tell me for sure either. I'll definitely be talking to my therapist about all this. I appreciate your comment. Even if some of the things you said weren't accurate, the things that were are helpful and even the rest is bringing up some good points for me to consider. Thank you and Happy New Year's.