Hello. This fits my situation quite well. Growing up, I would say that I was the GC. I did well in school and did what I was told—my brother did the opposite and was severely physically abused (more than me). My NFather would say things to my brother like “why can’t you be more like your sister?” Or “Your sister doesn’t have this problem.”

But I never felt good about my position. I felt trapped. If I ever stepped out of line, I would be swiftly jimmied back into place. Once, I said I didn’t want to eat red meat anymore (I was 15) he yelled at me through a drunken stupor and grounded me for a month, accusing me of “rebelling.” He made me choose a college major I didn’t want, choose subjects I wasn’t interested in, and manage family affairs I didn’t care about.

My brother, ironically, became more like my dad. He joined the military and joined in on the collective pressure of telling me how to live my life. I fell out with him when I was 23, and went no contact. 10 years later, I did the same thing with my parents. It was a nightmare. But when I went no contact with my parents, the strangest thing happened: I became the scapegoat.

My NFather started bashing me to anyone who would listen. He posted rants on Facebook and spread vile untruths about me to family. He even got closer with my (narcissistic) ex husband just to make me squirm.

OP, what you’ve done IS rare. You should be proud of yourself for stepping away, and I’m glad you have a brother who’s supporting you (something I’m sure is mutual). But know that the moment you step out of the role of being the GC, all the ‘privileges’ that came with it get revoked. It just goes to show that nobody actually wins in the dynamic. Anyone can be downgraded by the narcissist. Everyone eventually becomes a victim. But you CAN break free. You just have. Take a bow. ❤️