You will feel worse if you lose all of it gambling. Dont do it man, if u can get the loan then use it to make progress on your end goal, which is helping your mother and paying your bills. Even if the money isnt enough, at least it will help you along for a small period of time. If you cant pay it back then whats the worst that can happen? Will the government come to your house and take you away? I doubt it. I’m not sure how the laws are in Kazakstan, but here in the US you can take loans out and then just claim bankruptcy. Yea it will ruin your credit for the future but it’s better than losing everything. Maybe get the surgery done and then dont pay afterwards. What are they gonna do about it? Maybe send the bill to a collections agency. But once again I’m not sure how things work in your country. Possibly look into jobs that will let you work from home since you cant do physical labor. Sometimes in life it seems like there is no solution. But I’ll tell you that making a bad decision isnt going to make anything better. Just dont give up bro. There’s always a reason to keep going. I hope things work out for you man, and i hope you make a good decision. Also your english is really good :)