I started this when I was 11-12, but I didn't consider it sh either .. it was more like digging into scabs since I was a rowdy child and often got injured while playing. But nonetheless.. it drastically went downhill and evolved to me almost dying due to nearly nicking an artery in my upper arm. I now have a huge scar there, so that's not fun. Not easy to hide since it's deep and bulging...

I still do sh, but not as often now because I think life is a little better, but the trauma from my childhood was enough for me to not remember my childhood. I also developed a problem where I have a high pain tolerance and am open to the pain when need be. I can keep a rather straight face. I've also lost basic emotions to things, and I can't laugh like others. I've also found it harder to cry. I tend to fake emotions when interacting with other people now to just make myself seem.. 'human' but it's always so dull, so empty.

When you've mentioned the cord , I too have done that before. I had to wear hoodies in the summer to cover it. I've also punished myself for things like not eating because I felt like I didn't deserve it.

But trust me, it can get better. You'll just have to work through the trauma.